Managing Shutdowns

I always liken a shutdown to someone with a garden that has got out of control.  There comes a point where it gets more out of control no matter how much effort was put in, there are just not enough hours in the day to get it back in order.  So what then happens is that nothing is done.  The only real answer is to start everything again, clear every thing and go back to square one.

This to me is my shutdown.  So many demands put on me, when I know I should finish a job off but then am told to do something else.  So evenutally, the work has built up ... and no matter what it gets worse.  So evenutally, I get to the point I do nothing.  Shutdown and not only in the set task but in other parts of my life as well, even things I get enjoyment from.  And to get it back into order is very difficult, not an easy process.  Too many demands, and not feeling in control causes overload.  Overload means anxiety.  Anxiety causes meltdown and shutdown, not necessarily in that order.  So for want of ever more being required means that the result in the end is nothing is done.

Managers at work tend to think this is something I am doing on purpose.  Yet it is a problem that is caused by their ever increasing demands over things that I am not allowed my control over.  Managers seem incapable of listening, usually they think there i some sort of training that can make everything better.  They seem to think that counselling is the answer to anxiety, rather than removing the cause of the anxiety.  Problems are created in the modern way of living by having too many conflicting demands, too many officials, not enough understanding and too much contol by others.

I have said before on the forums here that problems for autistic people are often caused by the demands of society.  I can certainly work in my own way far more efficiently.  Being Autistic I work by the 'division of labout' method, it is far more efficient.  And unfortunately many managers, especially in the service industry do not understand this.

Another thing I often liken myself to is that of is a caged animal.  We have got a lot more understanding these days of the results of putting animals into unnatural environments.  The animal when caged does not behave naturally.  It paces around, is obviously distressed and can get very bad tempered.  If animals must be held in captivity (and I do accept that a lot of zoological gardens do a good job in conservation such as Chester and Whipsnade) then the environment should create conditions that are as near as possible to the conditions they would find in their own natural homes.

Yet we treat people in this manner and expect them to behave rationally and normally.by neurotypical standards.  The work environment in  by my case seems like a cage.  I do not feel as if I can act naturally and this obviously has repercussions both on me and others.  The whole structure of a work environment is unnatural.  It has come about from the need to control others.  I know I am totally unmanageable, that I work better when left to my own devices, that if I am given an objective rather than an instruction I will work far better.  But this does not fit in with the neurotylipical world.

Another thing I often liken myself to is that of is a caged animal.  We have got a lot more understanding these days of the results of putting animals into unnatural environments.  The animal when caged does not behave naturally.  It paces around, is obviously distressed and can get very bad tempered.  If animals must be held in captivity (and I do accept that a lot of zoological gardens do a good job in conservation such as Chester and Whipsnade) then the environment should create conditions that are as near as possible to the conditions they would find in their own natural homes.

Yet we treat people in this manner and expect them to behave rationally and normally.by neurotypical standards.  The work environment in  by my case seems like a cage.  I do not feel as if I can act naturally and this obviously has repercussions both on me and others.  The whole structure of a work environment is unnatural.  It has come about from the need to control others.  I know I am totally unmanageable, that I work better when left to my own devices, that if I am given an objective rather than an instruction I will work far better.  But this does not fit in with the neurotylipical world.

ElephantInTheRoom said:

Like you say...having objectives are great...."what needs to be achieved, why, and when for"

I am rather the opposite to this. Leave me to do something and I get more done, give me a to do by date . . . and . . . things . . . . just grind . . . . . to . . . a . . . . halt, in most cases. I used to have so much trouble with late library book fines, so now I buy books and read them normally from cover to cover in no time at all, and I get to keep them too! Although the marvellous magical book rustler does have its way, especially today actually, bless it.

I agree that the Equality Act should include Autism as a disability.  Myself, I am getting some 'reasonable adjustments' at work and this is welcome.

Unfortunately, it does not go far enough.  As Autism is 'invisible', many people refuse to acknowledge it is causing a problem.  Even a lot of autistic people refuse to concede they are 'disabled'.  To be covered in the workplace, one must prove that it has a 'significant effect' on day to day living.  Now this should be easy, unfortunately there is a lot of opinion as to what is or what is not a significant effect.

Then there is the problem of diagnosis.  Even when diagnosed a lot of people think that so and so's autism is only mild or is not severe enough.  Myself I had great difficulty at work, I was referred to occupational health on three occasions before they finally conceded I had problems.  And problems I do have as a neurotypical would consider although I would not think they are a problem for me.  They do affect my everyday life, I will not go out to a meal for instance and do not socialise with others, I am quite happy to be on my own. I have a very restricted diet due to having oversensitive smell and taste and am apt to tripping over my feet and getting distracted easily as well as being able to concentrate when left alone.  There is also the chronic depression and anxiety, the complete inability to change the way I do things, the knowledge that I am always right .....(!)  the difficulty I have with the way neurotypicals communicate and various other attributes I have.  But most people just think of me as 'strange'  I have 'come out' at work, I get an immense amounnt of support from colleagues, but to managers I am just that awkward blighter who wants to get his own way.

The law unfortunately does not seem to prevent others from wanting to change you from thinking that you can be changed.  From thinking that there ought to be a cure, from 'feeling sorry' for you, from looking for loopholes in the equality act (and the eqality act is full of holes that a manager will try to use as a way to get rid of someone, I am sure that was it not for my support worker at work that I would have been dismissed on the grounds of incapability or insubordination.

And for the equality act to be successful others must know of your condition.  This is easy at work.  However, when we have a 'misunderstanding' somewhere that others don't know of our condition, we have to explain it.  Our condition is not visible in the same way as someone who is confined to a wheelchair, is blind, or is without one or more limbs.  And if caught out somewhere having a misunderstanding to say we are autistic as the reason unfortunately seems like an excuse for bad behaviour to others.

So yes, the Equallty act is a help.  It does not however prevent ignorance.

o

Caged Bird
BY MAYA ANGELOU

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

Ooooooh. The caged animal analogy certainly strikes a chord........totally.

i find that so many decisions and choices are taken away from me...to the extent that I can't do what I want to do or need to do on a daily basis, at home or at work.....too long in the cage gets me down and I crave some BIG space on a walk in the countryside, some quiet space I can crawl into and be totally undisturbed....or to try and reset my mindset with music.

life seems to be set in flight / fight mode.

in terms of work, my previous boss was really really good..you knew exactly what was needed to be done, she would back me up and support me and then give me the creative freedom to achieve it. Like you say...having objectives are great...."what needs to be achieved, why, and when for"

i like feedback in my work as welll....happy with criticism (constructive) or praise.....or I can feel quite lost.