Managing Shutdowns

I always liken a shutdown to someone with a garden that has got out of control.  There comes a point where it gets more out of control no matter how much effort was put in, there are just not enough hours in the day to get it back in order.  So what then happens is that nothing is done.  The only real answer is to start everything again, clear every thing and go back to square one.

This to me is my shutdown.  So many demands put on me, when I know I should finish a job off but then am told to do something else.  So evenutally, the work has built up ... and no matter what it gets worse.  So evenutally, I get to the point I do nothing.  Shutdown and not only in the set task but in other parts of my life as well, even things I get enjoyment from.  And to get it back into order is very difficult, not an easy process.  Too many demands, and not feeling in control causes overload.  Overload means anxiety.  Anxiety causes meltdown and shutdown, not necessarily in that order.  So for want of ever more being required means that the result in the end is nothing is done.

Managers at work tend to think this is something I am doing on purpose.  Yet it is a problem that is caused by their ever increasing demands over things that I am not allowed my control over.  Managers seem incapable of listening, usually they think there i some sort of training that can make everything better.  They seem to think that counselling is the answer to anxiety, rather than removing the cause of the anxiety.  Problems are created in the modern way of living by having too many conflicting demands, too many officials, not enough understanding and too much contol by others.

I have said before on the forums here that problems for autistic people are often caused by the demands of society.  I can certainly work in my own way far more efficiently.  Being Autistic I work by the 'division of labout' method, it is far more efficient.  And unfortunately many managers, especially in the service industry do not understand this.

Another thing I often liken myself to is that of is a caged animal.  We have got a lot more understanding these days of the results of putting animals into unnatural environments.  The animal when caged does not behave naturally.  It paces around, is obviously distressed and can get very bad tempered.  If animals must be held in captivity (and I do accept that a lot of zoological gardens do a good job in conservation such as Chester and Whipsnade) then the environment should create conditions that are as near as possible to the conditions they would find in their own natural homes.

Yet we treat people in this manner and expect them to behave rationally and normally.by neurotypical standards.  The work environment in  by my case seems like a cage.  I do not feel as if I can act naturally and this obviously has repercussions both on me and others.  The whole structure of a work environment is unnatural.  It has come about from the need to control others.  I know I am totally unmanageable, that I work better when left to my own devices, that if I am given an objective rather than an instruction I will work far better.  But this does not fit in with the neurotylipical world.

Ooooooh. The caged animal analogy certainly strikes a chord........totally.

i find that so many decisions and choices are taken away from me...to the extent that I can't do what I want to do or need to do on a daily basis, at home or at work.....too long in the cage gets me down and I crave some BIG space on a walk in the countryside, some quiet space I can crawl into and be totally undisturbed....or to try and reset my mindset with music.

life seems to be set in flight / fight mode.

in terms of work, my previous boss was really really good..you knew exactly what was needed to be done, she would back me up and support me and then give me the creative freedom to achieve it. Like you say...having objectives are great...."what needs to be achieved, why, and when for"

i like feedback in my work as welll....happy with criticism (constructive) or praise.....or I can feel quite lost.

ElephantInTheRoom said:

Like you say...having objectives are great...."what needs to be achieved, why, and when for"

I am rather the opposite to this. Leave me to do something and I get more done, give me a to do by date . . . and . . . things . . . . just grind . . . . . to . . . a . . . . halt, in most cases. I used to have so much trouble with late library book fines, so now I buy books and read them normally from cover to cover in no time at all, and I get to keep them too! Although the marvellous magical book rustler does have its way, especially today actually, bless it.

No.  I filled it with ice cream and gorged on it...

Oh to live in a FB, photoshopped, special filter added life..

like you, I am the only one in my family to get a degree...and used it as a ticket out....

what is success Mr Tom.....contentment and understanding of self? The ability to go through life and "add value" to community?.....to go through life causing more good than harm....

did you take that traffic cone back btw?

Totally identify with a lot of what you folks are saying here ('folks' - a much better term than that awful 'guys' you hear all the time now, I hope you agree... and gender-neutral, too!)  The old 'work-buy-consume-die' thing seems to be the order of things now.  Advertising and marketing play up to it, piquing our egos with the 'need' for more, bigger, better.  Now, everyone seems not just impelled, but almost expected as a rite of passage into social acceptance to 'get a foot on the property ladder', and so on.  Which is fine if you can afford it... but so many seem to struggle because they feel they have to, or they'll get judged as 'failing'.  People seem to be judged less by who they are than by what job they've got, how much they earn, how much they own.  I've never wanted to be a part of that, and in some senses it's been part of the dynamic of my alienation from those around me.  I'm the only one in my family to have been to university - and the only one to be renting whilst doing a low-paid job.  And if the photos and posts of my family members on FB are anything to go by, they're all blissfully happy in perfect lives.  Which is the image they want to project, no doubt.  Who wants to be seen to be miserable, poor, somehow failing?  Failing, that is, in terms of how society views success.  We hear all the time about 'successful' people who are actors, musicians, lawyers, investment bankers, athletes, etc - as if anything less than this is unsuccessful.  As if you can't have successful care workers, bus drivers, street sweepers - those who are actually doing the jobs that keep society going.  Those who are doing the jobs that 'successful' people don't want to do.  The principles are all warped.  It's part and parcel of being in a modern capitalist society.  No wonder mental health problems are so rife - when you consider that some of the happiest societies on earth are also some of the most basic.  It's why I've always found a natural affinity with minorities.  When I left uni, everyone expected me to have a high-paying career.  Instead, I went completely the other way: dropped out, went to work in a wholefood shop, embraced green politics and veganism (though I've back-slipped a bit on that in recent years).  But then, as Deepthought said in a post earlier, I live in a state of constant meta-analysis.  Reassessment.  It think it's an important part of being a thinking human being.  But many people are afraid of thinking.  That's why, I feel, people constantly need distraction.  My brother, for instance, works from home doing architectural draughtsmanship.  When he's alone like this, he says, he has to have the TV or radio on.  'Otherwise, my thoughts crowd in on me.'  And I say 'And what's wrong with that?'  But there you go.  Maybe I'm generalising - lord knows, I'm a past master at that.  But when I see some of the mindless drivel on the TV now, I feel glad I haven't had one for the last 13 years, and affirmed in my determination never to have one again.  Yet people put it on, night after night, and are hooked on it.  When I tell people I don't have a set, they look at me like I'm autistic or something.  Maybe I am. 

Alright, Tom - now shut up and go take a tablet and have a nice lie down...

Caged Bird
BY MAYA ANGELOU

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

Caged Bird
BY MAYA ANGELOU

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

No.  I filled it with ice cream and gorged on it...

Oh to live in a FB, photoshopped, special filter added life..

like you, I am the only one in my family to get a degree...and used it as a ticket out....

what is success Mr Tom.....contentment and understanding of self? The ability to go through life and "add value" to community?.....to go through life causing more good than harm....

did you take that traffic cone back btw?

Totally identify with a lot of what you folks are saying here ('folks' - a much better term than that awful 'guys' you hear all the time now, I hope you agree... and gender-neutral, too!)  The old 'work-buy-consume-die' thing seems to be the order of things now.  Advertising and marketing play up to it, piquing our egos with the 'need' for more, bigger, better.  Now, everyone seems not just impelled, but almost expected as a rite of passage into social acceptance to 'get a foot on the property ladder', and so on.  Which is fine if you can afford it... but so many seem to struggle because they feel they have to, or they'll get judged as 'failing'.  People seem to be judged less by who they are than by what job they've got, how much they earn, how much they own.  I've never wanted to be a part of that, and in some senses it's been part of the dynamic of my alienation from those around me.  I'm the only one in my family to have been to university - and the only one to be renting whilst doing a low-paid job.  And if the photos and posts of my family members on FB are anything to go by, they're all blissfully happy in perfect lives.  Which is the image they want to project, no doubt.  Who wants to be seen to be miserable, poor, somehow failing?  Failing, that is, in terms of how society views success.  We hear all the time about 'successful' people who are actors, musicians, lawyers, investment bankers, athletes, etc - as if anything less than this is unsuccessful.  As if you can't have successful care workers, bus drivers, street sweepers - those who are actually doing the jobs that keep society going.  Those who are doing the jobs that 'successful' people don't want to do.  The principles are all warped.  It's part and parcel of being in a modern capitalist society.  No wonder mental health problems are so rife - when you consider that some of the happiest societies on earth are also some of the most basic.  It's why I've always found a natural affinity with minorities.  When I left uni, everyone expected me to have a high-paying career.  Instead, I went completely the other way: dropped out, went to work in a wholefood shop, embraced green politics and veganism (though I've back-slipped a bit on that in recent years).  But then, as Deepthought said in a post earlier, I live in a state of constant meta-analysis.  Reassessment.  It think it's an important part of being a thinking human being.  But many people are afraid of thinking.  That's why, I feel, people constantly need distraction.  My brother, for instance, works from home doing architectural draughtsmanship.  When he's alone like this, he says, he has to have the TV or radio on.  'Otherwise, my thoughts crowd in on me.'  And I say 'And what's wrong with that?'  But there you go.  Maybe I'm generalising - lord knows, I'm a past master at that.  But when I see some of the mindless drivel on the TV now, I feel glad I haven't had one for the last 13 years, and affirmed in my determination never to have one again.  Yet people put it on, night after night, and are hooked on it.  When I tell people I don't have a set, they look at me like I'm autistic or something.  Maybe I am. 

Alright, Tom - now shut up and go take a tablet and have a nice lie down...