Help! Are there any women in this Community with ASD

Yes, hello, I've been lurking for a couple of weeks and your post has brought me out of the woodwork!  Well, I say yes but that will depend on your attitude to self-diagnosis, I've been referred for assessment but it seems that could take a year which is a little distressing.

I spent a while reading musingsofanaspie now dormant blog, between the posts and the comments I found an awful lot of self recognition. It's a shame there isn't more activity here, though I have read some really interesting stuff. My head is still fried at the moment because a month ago it never would have occurred to me that I might be autistic but given all that I've read and those online tests, my life is explained.

I also think there are probably hundreds of us out here undiagnosed but suffering without knowing why.

Thank you for replying Spotty.

I've also been doing a lot of reading of online papers etc and taking online assessments and can certainly recommend Dr Tony Attwood and Odd Girl Out by Laura James.  The blogs have been good too and I am pleased that there are so many successful and intelligent women out there but it is sad to see so many working hard to figure things out on their own.....and in their own woodwork!

One of the cruelties of ASD is that we can very very empathetic but hit paralysis when trying to intervene to help others!

thank you so much for responding.  I realised that the diagnostic test is a long wait so I'm just reading a lot and reaching out to help settle onto this self-diagnosis which has seen everything click into place in terms of past experience and behaviour...I just need to resolve all of this in my head space before I take the next step.

how are you bearing up?

Thank you for replying Spotty.

I've also been doing a lot of reading of online papers etc and taking online assessments and can certainly recommend Dr Tony Attwood and Odd Girl Out by Laura James.  The blogs have been good too and I am pleased that there are so many successful and intelligent women out there but it is sad to see so many working hard to figure things out on their own.....and in their own woodwork!

One of the cruelties of ASD is that we can very very empathetic but hit paralysis when trying to intervene to help others!

thank you so much for responding.  I realised that the diagnostic test is a long wait so I'm just reading a lot and reaching out to help settle onto this self-diagnosis which has seen everything click into place in terms of past experience and behaviour...I just need to resolve all of this in my head space before I take the next step.

how are you bearing up?

Hi, I'm a female with autism, and I struggle with empathy. It feels like I'm selfish because I can't seem to understand how others feel, this makes me stressed to be point where I feel so guilty for not understanding. I only know how I feel, so I end up being selfish because I don't know how to take others feelings into consideration. I'm not being mean, i do care the problem is I care too much.  If someone is ill or really sad about something  for example I don't know how to behave. To them point where I am overly fussing over them and trying to make things better, but always getting it wrong.

p.s. How do you manage as a teacher ? I want to be one but I'm scarec because of my anxiety and confidence and meltdowns. I also have very small confidence. 

Thank you 

I agree Lone Warrior...one of the most positive traits I see in my students over the past couple of years is a resentment towards being categorised - I.e we are all individuals - good bits and bad...they do not comprehend the need to categorise in relation to age, sexual orientation, religion, disability which I think is brilliant...however there are still bigots in the young community..,but there you are...

Your comments about different types if women are very true and I am sure you are equally frustrated by the trains of some men.....are we all on a spectrum.....but who decides the scale and the diagnostic framework and how do you ensure that everyone works together...

we are each individual pieces of a big puzzle and all have our role, and skills to add and enhance the world around us as long as it is not to the detriment of others...

Glad you feel at home...I am still installing updates and processes...so very much welcome your contribution Mr Warrior. With no fluttering of eyelashes - lol - good luck to you and your daughter

Thank you for making me an honourary woman,I really don't make judgement on gender, but I do have old fashioned values toward the females,(picks up shovel to dig big hole)women are to be held in high regard, now that sounds sexist but it isn't,I will try to explain so as not to affend.females have a built in instinct to protect,nurture the young, I'm not saying All women or that men are not but in my head if women were running things we would have less war.

I also believe women have been held back forever in gaining an equal level of work, I know many females who do better jobs in a male dominated industry.

I never treat females any different when at work, I believe most realise this,some try the old flutter the eyes to get things their way but it doesn't work on me lol.

watching my male colleagues is embarrassing as they change so much,for crying out loud haveyou never seen a women?

hope I haven't affended anyone?

My daughter posted something on social media which I read it was a women’s story of finding out she was autistic at an older age, until that point I had never given it a thought before,life changing it was I am 54 and always assumed I had dyslexic traits.never quite fitted but here I am and finally at home with fellow free minded folks.

Good call Spotty and I hope you enjoy Odd Girl Out...have you read the theories that an epiphany happens re: ASD once all of your learnt and masking strategies are spent...then you hit a crisis or existential brick wall.

i teach computer science so over the years about 20% of my students have been on the spectrum but I did not identify myself with this...maybe due to most if my students being male....

ASD is a spectrum cross age, background and gender..but am intrigued by the high functioning nature of those in this community... is this the perceived need to over perform and achieve to gain acceptance.....Spotty and Mr Warrior...your thoughts are welcome here...

Will check out the Sarah Hendrix book as welll.....!!! Thank you for the heads up

Mr Warrior..,and thoughts on the gender differences....or are you gender neutral ....as we all should be....back to the inaccuracies of the diagnostic framework.,,

Hi Lonewarrior, I tried to tag you below but it didn't work!

Wow, you are very brave to be a teacher nas23891, that's a lot of people for a lot of the time!  I completely agree with you and @Lonewarrior about empathy, the concept that Asperger and autistic people have no empathy was ingrained in my subconscious which is why it's taken 49 years for me to realise the bleeding obvious!

I think the female voices appearing to show other appearances of ASD are really important, but not just for women, I'm sure there are men out there with these more subtle traits and masked behaviours too.  Research seems to suggest that there is more gender fluidity/ambiguity in the ASD community than the general population, so it would seem logical (to me anyway).

I'm all for feminism but I don't want to be ghettoised either.  The more adult voices and experiences  the better I say! 

I've just ordered the Odd Girl Out and look forward to reading it, also read Women and Girls With Autistic Spectrum Disorder by Sarah Hendrickx which had some interesting content and was certainly worth reading.

I was imploding in life generally which is what made me start looking for answers, now I sort of have this answer but I don't feel I'll fully own it without a diagnosis.  Then comes the doubt, then the terror of 'what if they say it isn't ASD'...  This is the first bit of communicating I've done on the subject so maybe that's progress, I like writing but have been becoming increasingly mute, here's to all of us finding some positives and our voices.

P.s the real struggle I have seen is ASD children is at break times trying desperately to engage with peers and reach out to make friends and engage with others. Their peers do not have the knowledge or emotional level of development (as yet) to manage this. The ASD child is told that their behaviour is inappropriate (as they are this point getting distressed and frustrated) ... but not told what they got right or how to remedy this going forward...they are not given the rule book...and so, the cycle continues.... -sigh-

Thank you Lone Warrior and I am glad that you replied to the post. I did not want to segment the community by just wanting to hear from women. 

There are plenty of commonalities between male and female ASDs but also some slight differences which only just seem to be coming to light which I will hope use to support my own diagnosis. There are commonalities and differences in all of us, however.

Your comments re: empathy are very poignant and powerful...I am a teacher by profession and try hard to help others and recognise and celebrate and acknowledge difference in all of us but sometimes it is as if you can feel that pain profoundly but are behind soundproof class unable to have reciprocal feelings and expressions of care heard or seen..or articulated in the way that you feel them.

Congratulation, Lone Warrior you have now become an honorary women of this small community!!! :)

Hi nas23891 I am male but had to respond to your comment"One of the cruelties of ASD is that we can be very empathetic but hit paralysis when trying to intervene to help others". This seems to keep cropping up from other ASD people! I think the so called experts need to re evaluate their assumption regarding empathy.empathy has two main headings,cognitive being no empathy and effective meaning an understanding of how someone feels but not able to see why. Don't quote that but I read a bit about ASD folks having no empathy! Absolute nonesense I think, I truly believe we see more than neurotypicals but as you say freeze when attempting to deal with it. Take care and I hope you find many like minded non judgemental people on here.