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Im destroying my relationship

gingy

Hello,

Im new here and a bit unsure of where to start but I mainly came looking for help becasue recently I have been creating a load of problems in my relationship.

I have been with my partner for over a year and recently I have been destroying the relationship by being to controling. I dont realize when Im doing it how irrational I am being but afterwards I am embarassed by my behaviour. I do things like call to many times, repeatedly call until I receive an answer, I have been crying a lot lately becasue I am so frustrated with not being able to express myself in a way that my partner can understand or recognize what I need. When my partner does know what I need sometimes when it isn't given to me I have what if I was 5 would be considered a tempertantrum or crying fit.

I don't know why I act this way or how to change things. I love my partner and don't want to be doing this anymore, I want to be in a relationship where I can feel comfortable and not always on edge, not worry that im going to mess it up, how I am acting is probably boarder line abusive and I need to find a solution.

does anyone know of any good resources for aspi adults and relationships?

  • hey gingy, i see its been a while since you asked this, i hope things are going better

    its not easy being in a relationship with a person who you 'dont understand' some of the time,

    but if you can explain it during the times you have clarity that will help a lot,

    you maynot be able to get it exactly right, thats ok, but if you can get the general idea of whats happening and why , and make sure your partner knows at least partly why you are doing these things, maybe it will be more helpful as your partner wont be in the dark about it all

    you also need to try to deal with the behaviour as well as explain it, and for that well thats a lot more work and not easy, you will proably need a lot of help there

  • You're trying to control your own enviroment. The world is filled with things we can not control since those of us with AS and autism struggle with the idea of change, we often focus too much on what we can control. I can understand why you are worried.

    This may not be a long term sulution, but this is how I got out of situations like these. Start by making very little changes each day. For example, you say you call too many times. Maybe you could start by saying "I'm only going to call once today" It would be difficult at first but I'm sure after a short while you would get into the rutine.

    I'm sorry if this isn't much help. Good luck. 

  • HI

    I have been recently diagnosed and have also been accused of being controling on numerous occasions but I now know, thanks to my Psycologist, that I am just trying to control my own environment. I react unfavourably to sudden decisions and suprise changes of plans. I struggle with changes in my routine and will always try to keep my world as stable and consistant as possible.

    So if you ask me it is not always your fault but if you need to talk anymore please contact me and I wll help if I can.

    James

  • Hi Gingy,

    I haven't been diagnosed yet, so feel a bit of a fraud just now posting on this forum.  If you don't mind that then I can tell you that a book that I found helpful is "Aspergers in Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs" by Maxine C. Aston.  This has propbably been mentioned elsewhere, but I know that I have found it hard to navigate my way through masses of information before I find what I'm looking for.

    My situation is, I think, a bit different.  I don't emotionally connect with anybody and although I desperately want to be in a relationship, I'm not sure this is a possibility.  If I was in your situation I know I would do anything to work out any problems, so I hope you have good luck