AS and birthdays

I used to change my birthday on social media, so people don't get notifications and message me on my birthday. I don't want gifts, and I don't want a whole party. Eating a meal with someone else is good enough for me. 

My partner who is also ND, absolutely hates phone calls and messages wishing him a happy anything, hates gifts of any kind, and hates having to celebrate any special occassion. I mean I don't really care about special occassions either, but if we were dating other people, they'd think we were heartless and uncaring, when really it just seems like more of a hassle to us. 

I think the main thing about special events, is that it throws your routine off, and adds a bunch of wild things that can happen throughout the day. It's really stressful to be pressured into having to mask for others, when you just want them to stop with all the distruptions. They think we'll be happy with all the attention, but really we just want it to all go away so we can live peacefully.

I have the same around Christmas too, actually if I am honest every social event. I used to think I was outgoing and loved parties but the pandemic showed me how happy I am in my own world . Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, family, birthdays etc but I don’t like the way it makes feel.  It’s like being lactose intolerant, you love that ice cream but it makes you sick. 

It really irritates the hell out of me that I have to buy people presents just because it is a particular date on a calendar that is a largely artificial construct anyway - days are real, moon phases are real, and seasons, but nothing else. It also irritates me to have to think up things for other people to buy as presents for myself. I would much prefer  just to give and receive presents at random.

Christmas is stressful for ppl with and without Autism, in USA and Europe alike. Its lost it true meaning.

Birthdays are a quagmire.  Mine and everyone else's.  They're worrying, stress-inducing and very difficult to navigate.  So is Christmas.  

I am ok with birthdays but everything you all just described is how I feel about Christmas. It is so overwhelming, plus the presure to be happy and give presents. I hate the endless advertising

I love the real meaning of Christmas and I love seeing my family but the rest of it is too much. We have started making homemade presents so as to make it less overwhelming and not buy into all the commercial rubbish 

I came to this forum typing autism birthdays are overwhelming. I am waiting for a diagnosis as they think I might be aspie. Thank you for putting in words how overwhelming a birthday can be. It makes me feel better. 

Yes definitely. When my 30th birthday came around, I didn't want to do anything and my friends thought it was weird. I work most of my birthdays now so I've got an excuse not to do anything. And if anyone asks I just tell them I'm having a quiet one. 

My gran would have been 96 today; if she was still alive.

My brother will be 32 next Wednesday.

Dealing with two Taurans, as a Cancerian, made life Hell twelve years ago.

Couldn't agree more. I've always been entirely confused as to why society celebrates your birthday. I didn't do anything so why should I celebrate it. I understand why people would celebrate the arrival of a baby, but then beyond that why not celebrate things like school or sport success with a party and a cake instead?

I feel the same about weddings. Funerals should be done in small clusters of people as well, it's so personal, a public event is so exposing and I find them very very difficult to navigate

Also at times really want to take my own life! Have no desire to look forward to anything anymore either.

Today is mine too, and I've been saying for the last 4 months I've not been wanting a birthday, and had a long meltdown but family believe I am actually quite seriously ill and need help. After work tutoring I sneaked out and wanted to be alone so went to a nearby village play park and sat on a swing. I haven't opened any of my presents either especially from my friends. Is that weird. I believe I'm depressed at the moment too. Happy Birthday! 

Very eloquently put. I feel it's good to raise those points about wastage.

One more wastage point I'd raise is the wastage of time and mental resource. Thinking up reasonably ok (dare I say creative or useful) present ideas takes enormous amounts of time and mental energy.

In recent years, I've tried to give people my time in more productive and less wasteful ways. My present to one person in the last year was to accompany them on a trip to see a battlefield they'd been wanting to visit for a long time. This meant they got to go somewhere they were interested in with someone with them to share in their interest and passion for the subject. I had no regrets in giving my time for that.

Happy Birthday

Yes today is mine and I just had a meltdown over it feel the need to be alone now after dealing with some things 

I have never seen the point of birthdays. So I have been round the sun one more time. Great. 

Birthday cards are a waste of cardboard. They are images forced into your home that you wouldn't have chosen and don't particularly want to look at that have to be  picked up and dusted around !

Presents are usually not things I actually want. I am fortunate enough to be able to buy something if I want it (I sm not rich and I don't want much stuff as I see stuff as wastage too)

If people all just kept their own money they could afford to buy what the want instead of money being exchanged or things being bought for people that they probably didn't want. Unless they have a wish list and have asked for it but then again. If the person with the wish list didn't have to buy 10 people presents they could just buy what was on the wish list ! 

Sorry! It's nice to be able to let this out !!!!!

I feel the same, I'm autisitc and because my fifteenth birthday was spent in lockdown we didn't have anyone over at our house which (I dont mean to be mean about) I actually enjoyed because i hate social situations and everyone is eagerly waiting for me to see what they got me when i open it which is creepy, like just let me open it when i feel comfortable please not striaght away, or for example when you recieve a present you don't know what to properly say when you rceieve it so i just say thank you, because it seems so awkward, Tips for birthdays are: Have a quiet space (your bedroom) at the end of the day where you can turn on relaxing music and do things you enjoy to relax, keep a bag of fidget toys next to you at all times especially a Chewigem they are really helpful when at birthday parties or when im at hospitals getting stressed and finally just know in your head that at least the day after your birthday will be more relaxing and you can actually enjoy your presents without feeling anxious or strange. Hope this helped

Yes. I feel ashamed at my birthday party for not having many friends

Yes today is mine and I feel a meltdown coming on a good friend jumped to help throw a party I love her to death but I feel overwhelmed and just wanna hide in my room and sleep my bf is overwhelming me completely cause he's pushing to do this also . its too much like a dinasour sitting on your chest feeling and like you said the older you get the more and more the feeling of it feels like it should not be a big deal and feels more like pressure .    and the gift part sucks personally for me I feel weird offering up ideas of what I want well for one I don't know what I want I usually do things on my own order online if I need anything. So the gift thing is deff awkward and hard to except .   wish people would understand we don't like anything to be a big deal its just too much . I know your post is old but hopefully things worked out for you .

Hi yes birthdays feel like too much today is mine and I'm struggling to