Published on 12, July, 2020
I think my OH has High functioning autism, we have been together 10 years and even in the very begining he made odd comments that were innapropriate (told me I had bad teeth while out on a first date, got his whole family together on xmas day to tell them he didnt like any of his presents, not feeling any awkwardness in these kind of situations and just saying he is 'just being honest') there are many many other examples over the years.
He hates social situations and would have to have a few drinks before he went.
He thinks he is always right and will never consider my opinion or feelings, he acts selfishly and always puts himself and his needs first, he is obsessed by his hobby and spends all of his time and money doing it.
He is always commenting on disgusting smells that I cannot small, annoying noises that I cannot hear, he is also obsessed over househld cleanliness and has routines and rules for most cleaning that he follows himself but I also have to follow, if I dont he gets very angry, he see's it as me not caring about him. If I dont do what I say he gets angry, if I disagree with him he gets angry. He gets angry a lot.
He tells me what to do all of the time, and mostly watches me to check I am doing it right, he hates if I watch him or am even near him when he is cooking for example.
I have to answer my phone immediately or he gets angry, but he doesn't have to answer his phone because sometimes he is busy.
If I go out I have to come in the exact time I say I will or he gets angry, this doesn't apply to him he can come and go as he pleases.
He NEVER says sorry or accepts any blame for anything, he would rather chop his own arm off than be in the wrong.
There is so much more but I just wanted to try and give you an idea, I know that he is HFA, but I think that he also verging on to being emotionally abusive (I am not saying that autism equals emotional abuse just that in my situation he seems to have learned strategies to deal with how he feels that are emotionally abusive if you see what I mean)
How can I deal with this, are there any support groups for adults in a relationship with someone with undiagnosed HFA
Hi, just read this and can relate. I thought my partner was narcissistic, as he was undiagnosed at the time. His anger was intense. He hardly acknowledged me, it was all about him. My opinions were stupid if they were not the same as his. I was stupid. He would tell me over and over how intelligent he was. To him, I was over sensitive. when I left him I read up on anger issues, which led me to emotional abuse, and I broke down. I called a number as I needed help, All these years I would wonder what have I done wrong to make him so angry, am I that stupid?
in public he would show me affection and give me gifts in front of people, like a show. At home it was all about him. I was in a perpetual state of confusion.
After years and years of this I felt worthless, not good enough. No one else heard him scream and shout in anger, just me. Everyone else thought he was laid back. When my mother came to stay for a week, he couldn’t hold in the anger that long and she was shocked. With her help I left him. I was still to blame, in his mind, for leaving.
Two years later he was diagnosed high functioning ASD. In hindsight, if we’d have known this we could have got help and I would have known what upset him. To be honest though, I’ve walked on egg shells for so many years, I just wanted out.
wherher your stabbed with a knife accidentally or on purpose, it causes the same pain and the same blood.
I hope things get better for you