Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I am new here!
Im desperately in need of advice from those with experience of autism. I will try and sum the situation up as best I can.
I met my boyfriend a year ago, he was wonderful and quirky and we fell head over heels for each other. From the beginning I knew he was different and suspected he had a form of autism a few months into our relationship. When I would speak to him about it he would deny it and become quite defensive. As time went on, I found some challenges. He was difficult to communicate with, could never see my view on things was jealous and domimant. He said and did things which were socially inappropriate, and my family found him very rude and arrogant. He would make me upset all the time (and for someone who has never cried in front of people before) this was a very different kind of relationship to be in.
Depsite being very much in love with him, I decided to end things with him 4 months ago as I was fed up of the way he treated me, and felt he was very unfair to me.
He took the news very badly and for the following 12 hours I received nasty phone calls and text messages, which was then followed by the start of his mental breakdown! He loves me very much and the thought of not being with me basically sent him crazy. His behaviour has been truly irrational and like a child. I can't even begin to describe to you his behaviour over these last few months. There is no getting through to him, you can't talk to him properly, he doesn't listen, he just argues and BEGS me to take him back. He whails and cries down the phone at me and has emotionally blackmailed me into taking him back.
I have tried to have no contact with him, but it just makes him worse. A month ago he told me he wants to kill himself as he doesn't want a life without me. I quickly spoke to his family and he is now going to see a counsellor. But now I have to deal with him being suicidal! It's been very stressful and he doesn't see what this is doing to me.
I've done a lot of research into aspergers recently, and I am 100% sure he has this. But after my long winded story, can I ask those of you with experience of aspergers, how much of this is down to his aspergers or is his behaviour just irrational.
Any thoughts? I would really love to hear people's opinions.
Hi Kempy,
I’m sorry you and your former partner are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening.
If you believe he is unable to cope with distress or despair, it’s very important he tells someone about his feelings or thoughts, especially if these are regarding suicide. You could suggest that he calls his GP and makes an urgent appointment. His GP can make sure he gets appropriate help and support.
If it’s outside his GP hours he could also call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service:: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 08457 90 90 90 (or 1850 60 90 90 in the Republic of Ireland), or by email on jo@samaritans.org.
MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that he may find helpful.
If you believe he is very close to doing something to hurt himself you can also call 999 or urge him to do the same and/or to go to his nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support him and make sure he gets ongoing support.
If he, or indeed yourself, need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be contacted on 0808 800 4104 Monday-Thursday 10am - 4pm, Friday 9am - 3pm
I hope the situation for both of you improves in the near future. All the best,
Nellie-Mod