Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I am new here!
Im desperately in need of advice from those with experience of autism. I will try and sum the situation up as best I can.
I met my boyfriend a year ago, he was wonderful and quirky and we fell head over heels for each other. From the beginning I knew he was different and suspected he had a form of autism a few months into our relationship. When I would speak to him about it he would deny it and become quite defensive. As time went on, I found some challenges. He was difficult to communicate with, could never see my view on things was jealous and domimant. He said and did things which were socially inappropriate, and my family found him very rude and arrogant. He would make me upset all the time (and for someone who has never cried in front of people before) this was a very different kind of relationship to be in.
Depsite being very much in love with him, I decided to end things with him 4 months ago as I was fed up of the way he treated me, and felt he was very unfair to me.
He took the news very badly and for the following 12 hours I received nasty phone calls and text messages, which was then followed by the start of his mental breakdown! He loves me very much and the thought of not being with me basically sent him crazy. His behaviour has been truly irrational and like a child. I can't even begin to describe to you his behaviour over these last few months. There is no getting through to him, you can't talk to him properly, he doesn't listen, he just argues and BEGS me to take him back. He whails and cries down the phone at me and has emotionally blackmailed me into taking him back.
I have tried to have no contact with him, but it just makes him worse. A month ago he told me he wants to kill himself as he doesn't want a life without me. I quickly spoke to his family and he is now going to see a counsellor. But now I have to deal with him being suicidal! It's been very stressful and he doesn't see what this is doing to me.
I've done a lot of research into aspergers recently, and I am 100% sure he has this. But after my long winded story, can I ask those of you with experience of aspergers, how much of this is down to his aspergers or is his behaviour just irrational.
Any thoughts? I would really love to hear people's opinions.
Hi Kempy,
I have been on both sides of this situation. When I was 19 I was in a pretty bad place, I was an undiagnosed aspie going into the adult world, dealing with a recent family tragedy, living away from home at university whilst also working a stressful part time job to finance myself. My frequent breakdowns and self pitying was just too much for my girlfriend to deal with and she left me. I couldn't accept it was over and begged, pleaded and said things that are completely out of character for me. Despite this she kept giving me false through agreeing to meet, saying we could get back together 1 day and even kissing me. This dragged the process of acceptance out far longer than it needed to be. We are friends now 10 years later.
I separated from the mother of my children last year. A week after she left, she changed her mind, I refused. Then the begging, pleading and blackmail began. Initially I replied and rationally provided my reasons why I would not reconcile. It continued. I then tried to ignore any messages that were not about the children. It continued. I then spoke to a solicitor and sent a cease and desist order. It continued. I spoke to her family and asked them to intervene. It continued. I threatened with the police and even that was not enough. It finally stopped after a policeman went round to her house and issued her with a notice and threatened her with arrest if she did not comply.
From my experience I would say the best thing you can do is to ignore. If that does not work then as others had suggested, blocking the number is your best option. If they continue to attempt to make contact and it is unwanted, then a police complaint is your final option, this can be done so they can just get a warning. The worst thing you can do is to offer any kind of olive branch until they have well and truly come to terms with the end of the relationship. The less contact you have the quicker that will happen. If we didn't have kids together, I would have gone straight to blocking the number.
And most importantly, remember you are not responsible for other people's feelings or actions. Do not succumb to blackmail and feel bad, that is the intent of the other person.