Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I am new here!
Im desperately in need of advice from those with experience of autism. I will try and sum the situation up as best I can.
I met my boyfriend a year ago, he was wonderful and quirky and we fell head over heels for each other. From the beginning I knew he was different and suspected he had a form of autism a few months into our relationship. When I would speak to him about it he would deny it and become quite defensive. As time went on, I found some challenges. He was difficult to communicate with, could never see my view on things was jealous and domimant. He said and did things which were socially inappropriate, and my family found him very rude and arrogant. He would make me upset all the time (and for someone who has never cried in front of people before) this was a very different kind of relationship to be in.
Depsite being very much in love with him, I decided to end things with him 4 months ago as I was fed up of the way he treated me, and felt he was very unfair to me.
He took the news very badly and for the following 12 hours I received nasty phone calls and text messages, which was then followed by the start of his mental breakdown! He loves me very much and the thought of not being with me basically sent him crazy. His behaviour has been truly irrational and like a child. I can't even begin to describe to you his behaviour over these last few months. There is no getting through to him, you can't talk to him properly, he doesn't listen, he just argues and BEGS me to take him back. He whails and cries down the phone at me and has emotionally blackmailed me into taking him back.
I have tried to have no contact with him, but it just makes him worse. A month ago he told me he wants to kill himself as he doesn't want a life without me. I quickly spoke to his family and he is now going to see a counsellor. But now I have to deal with him being suicidal! It's been very stressful and he doesn't see what this is doing to me.
I've done a lot of research into aspergers recently, and I am 100% sure he has this. But after my long winded story, can I ask those of you with experience of aspergers, how much of this is down to his aspergers or is his behaviour just irrational.
Any thoughts? I would really love to hear people's opinions.
Thanks for posting, good hear your perspective on your relationship with your ex-partner. I agree with other replies, not to engage in any further contact.
The suicidal feelings I expect is down to depression which is common in people with aspergers, but not part of aspergers. To use that to put pressure on you to rekindle the relationship, is abusive as far as I am concerned, along with some of the other behaviour you mention.
Personally, I can't relate the abusive behaviour in myself, but have heard about similar behaviour in relationships involving aspergers. I have experienced similar behaviour in my childhood with respect to the relationship between my parents.
I think you have done the right thing contacting his parents. It's a difficult situation, you have done nothing wrong, and are not responsible for his actions. He is being manipulative to gain some control over the situation (I am not saying he is not being genuine about his sucidal feelings)
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