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talking about the"a" word !

Onceina Bluemoon

Hello everyone . 

Being part of an online community is a new thing for me , so I'm not quite sure how to begin . 

 Our lovely son is getting really good support from his NAS workers & is now really enjoying college . As a family , we really struggle to know how best to support him , mainly because he really doesn't want to talk about being on the spectrum & I think he is afraid of being labled . My daughter & I recently went to an excellent NAS conference in Reading & came back with some really helpful information & insight into why our son might do some things the way he does . For example , we've learned that some people shut down when they feel anxious or distressed ; which is why sometimes , our son just kills a skype call ; not because he wants to be rude or disrespectful , but because he finds open ended or generalised questions too complicated & stressful .

I was wondering if anyone might have any suggestions that might help us support him better ?

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Some people with that score need a diagnosis - others are managing OK. It would be interesting to know what your son's and daughter's scores are - it is possible that he is just the same as you or has a higher score or lower. Genetics works randomly and the traits can be accentuated or reduced between the generations. I score 40 on the test but managed 56 years without a diagnosis - how well you manage depends on a lot of things in ones social (home and work) environments. I wound up in a bad workplace and it finally pushed me over the edge but I can see the signs in my work history and in my family history - there always was an eccentric thread running through the family.

    This knowledge about your own tendencies should throw a different light on your son's diagnosis.

  • Hello . Thank you very much for your reply . Your suggestions are very helpful . I had not considered that having a label is a confirmation of having problems & that must feel very uncomfortable . It feels quite a relief to just live life , rather than feeling a need to refer to our son's  aspergers & I think he will value doing things differently too .

    I have often thought that I might have some traits ; my father was definitely on the spectrum & it was very revealing to take the AQTest ; I scored 32! 

    Kind regards

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Welcome to the community

    Having a label is definitely a two-edged sword - it brings benefits but it also brings confirmation that one has enough problems to require a label. Sometimes it may be better to get on with life rather than fretting about the autism bit of it. If he is continually reminded of it when you talk to him then he may feel more pressure. Perhaps you should try to wait for him to raise this as a subject rather than starting conversations about it?

    As a family, can you see who else might be on the spectrum? Autism is frequently an inherited condition that may be less severe, but still present, in other family members. Are you aware of the free test at aspergerstest.net/.../ This is a reliable and respectable test to identify people's tendencies. It does not identify whether some has enough of a problem that requires a diagnosis.