I find it really hard reading threads on here about aggressive behaviour (please don't let that put off anyone posting about it, I'm not criticising anyone). I just can't relate to it myself, although I feel maybe there were other problems in my childhood which could account for this). However I earliest thoughts about suicide were around this age, I didn't tell my parents. At least he is expressing his feelings to you, although not in a constructive way.
I can relate to sudden change in mood and outbursts, I just find my anxiety levels go very high and very quick over things that are not that important in the grand scheme of things. This does tend to escalte when I have a big problem that is difficult to deal with, little things can spark off my anxiety.
I wonder if you can try and find out from him what things he is worried about, or things that really annoy him. Even Today, I get very freaked out when someone gets physically very close to me (I am 49), that has got worse recently when I would start ranting and sometimes swearing which I feel so ashamed about. That is agressive behaviour, but I don't feel I would get to a state where I would physically hurt someone.
I guess trying to break through communication barrier with your son will help your situation. It's difficult because your son is at an age where he is starting to establish his independence
Random
Hi glad you are going to look at Spirals. Have you had any support from CAHMS?? We are going to see them and I am sure you would benefit.
My husband took ages to recognise a problem with our son I think men live in denial and find it difficult with whatever the problem is to accept it. I don't think your husband wants to accept that there is something wrong and that is his way of not taking him and taking some responsibility.
I have realised that it takes a long time to understand what triggers bad moods and behaviour with your child. I used to walk around on egg shells not wanting to trigger a mood swing or a screaming, punching session in the middle of the shop. The fact is there is nothing you can do they have a diagnosis and as much as my son punches me, trashes his room, breaks things the fact is he is going to do it if he thinks something is not right, or he can't have something or he just wants to be that way. I have found that if I can get hold of him and wrap him in a blanket and hold him tightly without hurting him he settles quicker, it doesn't always work but sometimes it does.
I hate taking my son anywhere as I know that at any moment he can have one of his moments and if you are somewhere where there are others around they stare and talk about you as though you are an unfit parent who cannot control their child, you feel like screaming at the top of your voice, my child as aspergers.
Your childs behaviour isn't to do with parenting, he needs help and understanding and you certainly don't need a book you need someone to say they understand and want to help.
I have made a sensory area for my little boy with lights and stress balls I think he gets stressed because he is like this and cannot control it. My son tells me that sometimes his head tells him that something isn't right and he can't then control what he does or says.
I hope you find some support but this sight is useful to get some feed back and if nothing else you can say what is on your mind.
Take care
Thanks for your reply. I haven't been on here for a while because sometimes I just need to pretend he is normal. He isn't normal though. I asked him to brush his teeth this morning, as I realised he hasn't brushed them for 2 days and he went crazy. He chucked stuff all over the bathroom. I just can't understand what the big deal is about such a minor thing. He was on his way to a football match and I said that I wouldn't take him until he brushed his teeth.
He won't acknowledge he is wrong and I just cannot cope with the stress. He is seeing a paediatritian on Friday, I think about dyspraxia, but the letter does not say.
I took the boys to a play centre yesterday and he was a nightmare, and threw crumbs and sweet wrappers in my face because I would not buy him sweets.
I am fighting his corner but sometimes I feel like giving up as nothing I do seems to help him. His father now acknowledges that Sam has a problem but he refused point blank to give me any practical support. For example, I've asked him to have Sam overnight a little extra to give the rest of the family a break from him but he tells me there is no way that will happen. I can't understand why his father is so uncaring towards us and is prepared to stand back, and take no responsibility, whilst I feel like my life is collapsing around me.
I had Sam assessed for ADHD when he was 5 and the Psychologist told me his behaviour was due to my parenting and gave me the name of a book to read.
I think I just have to hope that he can get some therapy or something. He needs to be able to feel responsible for his actions instead of blaming others for his appalling behaviour.
I'll check out the Spirals you refer to.
All the best.
Migsy,
You sound in a very similar position as me and my son's dad found it difficult to acknowledge at first that (Oscar lets call him) had a problem. I think for men they struggle to accept things like this and it would be easier to say that they are going through a stage or they will grow out of it when in reality isn't it better that children like Oscar and Sam receive a diagnosis rather than being labelled NAUGHTY.
Sam sounds like he is expressing his anger towards you because like me you are the main person around. I have been kicked, punched, had things thrown at me, nipped, bit you name it but with his dad he isn't as bad, which frustrates me because I feel I have done something wrong, but I am learning to accept its because I am here more than dad.
I have put my name down for a session with spirals which talk about Autism etc and I have finally got a date which I can attend and I think you would benefit from something like this as I am sure whereever you live there will be organisations that run some kind of sessions where parents like us can get together and talk about the issues and how best to deal with these.
I avoid wherever possible taking Oscar out because like you its the behaviour, anger which can just happen at the slightest thing, mainly if his sister is with us and he gets really angry and it becomes embarrassing with everyone looking at you as though you have a NAUGHTY child its a shame you can't have a band of some kind to wear saying I have autism, asperger etc.
As for medication i think you should see your GP and explain what is happening, as it also sounds like Sam could have ADHD which I think Oscar as too but they say it is very difficult to diagnose when they have autism or asperger. Even though I have melatonin temporary for Oscar as they don't like to give it long term I have to say it helps with night time sleep and I am sure the more sleep they get the calmer they are ok it will not make them 100% ok in the day but it helps. Oscar was not sleeping and he was tired, angry and so moody but having had a proper good nights sleep he is alot better on a morning and that was the worst time for me with him. I also keep a diary for each day even if there has been no anger (which there is always anger with oscar) I do it to see if there is a pattern or is something happening to aggrevate him, you might want to consider this and it will help if you see your doctor as we all forget things and dates when events happened.
Let me know how you get on. I am finding this site is great just to express how my son is and how it makes me feel as no one else understands.
I'm having similar problems with my 10 year old. He is just so angry. He hurts his brothers if they do not do what he wants and he is aggressive towards me. He chucks things around too. I also say that there are 2 (lets call him Sam) Sams the good Sam and the baddie Sam.
I am also a single parent and his father will not acknowledge these problems and says I need to discipline him more. He is impossible to live with. We can't go on a day out and holidays are torture. I am seriously at the end of my tether and feel that I don't want to be a mum anymore. I can't believe I feel like this but nothing I do can make things better.
I am waiting for an appointment with the the Social Communication Team but everyone is on maternity leave. Do you think my GP could prescribe any medication to calm him down in the meantime?
I have to agree with Abbi about the sign to say this person as autism. When my son as an outburst on the way to school parents and children stare and look in disgust as though he is just a naughty boy, when in fact he is frustrated or just having a bad day.
I saw the consultant the other day and she said there is nothing more they can do, although I managed to get some melatonin which is helping with night time sleeping as that was becoming a real issue.
I worry about the anger as the other day he marked his sisters face and arm with something although he wont say what it was, all I heard was her screaming. He is happy on his own, doing his own thing and one to one.
We have been told that the anger does get better as the child gets older because they can control their day to day routine themselves. I have to say I am dreading the next school holiday and how he will be. I was also told to get him to do star jumps as this helps the brain, he did try it as part of a game we played and it did work but I am sure he knew it was all part of what the consultant told me.
I have tried everything for my son to the point of his own sensory area but when he is stressed and angry it doesn't matter what he as he hates everyone and he doesn't care who he hurts, its quite scary really and I worry about what he could be capable of.
Lisa
i have anger problems but no one at my school did anyting about for years and i wish they had acted soner because they knew but just sat there and did nothing about it and know i see things are inproving for the better my one question is this
how long will this inproment last?
The Major
I am new to the site as I too am at the end of my tether. My son who is 5 was diagnosed recently with Aspergers after 18 months of various observations by the medical team. My son is very aggressive particularly with me and his little sister. If she doesn't play a game the way he wants she gets a punch, bite or nip. Sometimes he can be ok and suddenly turn into 'my second son' that is what I call him because it isn't my normal son. He can be very verbal and I have been on the receiving end of bites, punches, nips and kicks and that can start at any time.
After school I can normally tell now what mood he will be in and on occasions he will tell me not to talk to him because he is stressed and tired.
The school holidays are a nightmare because there is no structure or routine to his day and Christmas has been awful because of this, I was glad he went back to school today and that sounds awful but it was becoming a nightmare with him.
My son doesn't like change, doesn't understand most things I say so I have to say it over and over or if possible show him a picture which he understands more, it is very hard.
I worry about him hurting someone or himself when he is aggressive as he doesn't seem to know what he is doing, his outburst can last up to 2 hours and he trashes his room and any other he can get too. He doesn't like mess so his recent episode I left the room a mess as told by the medical team and he did clear it all up the next day.
I am glad I have joined this site as just reading people's comments about their experiences makes me understand a little more about the condition and that I am not alone.
hey, i myself, now 18, had some problems in this area at this age, though not to the point of threatening sucide, but as for anger, i hope i can help,over time the behaviour passed for me, so i cant really help in getting him to overcome it, but i can perhaps give you a possible explaintion for why he does.
i didnt know how to vent frustration, talking to people was hard, even today this attitude still exists in my making particiularly mcabre or overly violent verbal threats, or overly enjoying a kill or explosion in a combat video game, to the point of laughter. but at a younger age, physical violence against objects was something i did. i found i could vent anger well in watching things break, often rulers or pens, and then stratching, but not cutting, myself with the fragmented edges, running them down my arm. it was mostly because i had frustrations i couldnt talk to people about, or at least i felt i couldnt.
hi debbie this is my first day on this site,my son is 10 and was diagnosed with autism a month ago although i always knew he had something wrong.
the anger is a huge issue for us too,my son swears grits his teath throws things and sometimes hits me.
im a single mum which in some ways i find easier as far as routine is concerned but in others i get so tired as he doesnt sleep well either.
the dr's put my son on melatonin 2mg once in the evening i do feel this has lessend his temper a bit but most of his anger stems from frustration.he really struggles with friends and children find him hard work.
its horrible because u can not see the disabilty that they have and sometimes u feel to put a sign on their head saying i have autism,i think or as far as i see everone copes differently and its about finding a way ur son feels happy to express himself,my son loves to draw but i also made the back room into a gym with a punch bag wich i hopeing to make part of his daily routine,maybe you could try exercising with your son as it may help your relationship and let off a bit of steam for you both.best of luck anyway xxx
Hello Debbie
Welcome to the community. I hope you will find it helpful.
I'm very sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing right now. Without much detail it's difficult to know how to help, but it's clear your son is very distressed and I can only imagine how worried you must be. Here is a link to some website information about understanding behaviour:
http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/understanding-behaviour.aspx
You might find the section there on "challenging behaviour" of particular use and there is advice about getting support at the end of that section too.
Here is a link to more information about services provided by the NAS:
http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/advice-and-information-services.aspx
Take a look at that and see if you think you might like to give them a try - whether that's getting more information from the Autism Helpline or talking things through with someone at the Parent to Parent Service. I'm sure they will do their best to advise you or point you in the right direction of finding the help you need locally.
Please let us know how you are getting on. Good luck.
Sandra - mod
