Work Social Events

Like others I've had to do so many of these things because they are expected, and as far as I was able I went along with them.

However I risk "fading out" and also making a fool of myself. The former finds me sat in a corner evidently looking very out of it, as if drunk. The latter is again the tiredness, less able to give the right reaction, and more likely to do the wrong thing or behave oddly. I've been refused drinks at a bar before now, because I look like I've had too many, before I've even had one (though I generally stay off alcohol anyway, as it increases tiredness).

I find either I go early, when I sense I'm losing out, or I find ways of getting breaks - going into a quiet corner on an excuse. Might get comments but its a lot safer than the comments I would get if I stayed too long. There are excuses you can come up with if you find the need for several quiet escapes, although there's a limit to how many offers of asprin you can decline. Sometimes stepping outside with the smokers is an option, or at events where there's a kitchen involved sometimes there's a quiter end.

I also cannot mingle. I need to be near the edge of a room where the sounds come from one direction. Yes I get comments for being stand-offish or antisocial - not managing the situation is a worse outcome.

I cannot believe that everyone else is purpose built to survive continuously in noisy social gatherings, but it does seem to be just me.

What I have found is that my seeking a quiet corner means someone decides to "cry on my shoulder" - not what I want, but one to one is less tiring and can give me an excuse.

Another is being willing to look after bags and such like when there's dancing, especially if I can get to the edge of the room while doing this.

Sounds horrific. Enforced Socialisation. Loathsome. I completely understand how you feel about it, had a similar reaction myself to many work dinners, barbecues, parties and conferences. I missed more than I attended. But looking back I remember more good things about the ones I went to than bad, well mostly. And I definitely noticed it was easier to pass with the team after as I'd witnessed their revelry and so was able to participate in the inevitable inane conversations about it after. I wasn't 'out' there though, nor diagnosed, they just kind of accepted that I was a bit odd (and the bowel condition took care of the rest).

wishing you all the best, whatever you decide to do. I think you should do what feels right to you, by way of being kind to yourself. 

Thanks for the supportive words caretwo..

I think the problem people are having is that I'm only recently diagnosed as Autistic.. I've had difficulties all my life obviously but I've just put it down to me being odd and socially anxious in general when actually there is a reason. So they want to know why I could apparently quite happily do these things before and now all of a sudden since my diagnosis I've started to show resistance.

Because I didn't know I was autistic before I've always forced myself to attend such social activities because I wanted to fit in.. but following these types of events what I used to hide from everyone was how exhausted I felt afterwards, and it actualy made me feel quite ill. However now I know that I genuinely have a reason behind the way that I feel, I feel as though I have a right to express how I feel about such things be supported in that..

The way things are seen here it's a reason to give me objectives to push myself outside of  my comfort zone to continue to "fit in" and it kind of makes me feel as though I have to pretend that my condition isn't there - which is what they don't realise I've always done before and had a detrimental impact on my mental wellbeing because it made me feel rough.

Sorry I'm waffling.. I do that..

Is it so wrong of me to feel that I come to work to WORK.. not to socialise? My social skills when it comes to business related topics are actually very good, because I have a role to play and thats my job. I can fit into that character very well.  I don't however have any interest in personally socialising with these people though because for me, thats where I want to divide my work and my personal life because I don't actually want them to know me personally, it feels like an invasion of my space if that makes sense?