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Work Social Events

Aspidancer1986

I'll try and keep this short and sweet..

So.. work have recently ran a small incentive for my team and turns out, our reward is to go for food for the last couple of hours in our working day. Attendance is mandatory. 

Being autistic, for me this is more of a punishment than a reward.. as I have always felt uncomfortable at social events (unless I've had a couple of drinks and even then i just want to go home as I don't really have anything in common with my colleagues).  I also don't like eating in front of other people. But, if I don't go, I'm being "negative" and if I go quiet while im there I'm also being "negative" and antisocial..

In addition, I already work 20 miles from home and they've planned the meal even further away from home, so I'm literally driving somewhere and paying for something that I'm not even going to enjoy in the slightest. 

I'm absolutely DREADING going to this.. It's that bad I'd even rather stay at work and keep an eye on the fort while everyone else is out. 

Also, our shifts are being changed to an early shift (when I work permanent lates for personal reasons) which I've not had any say in, and the whole situation is quite honestly bumming me out..

Any tips on how I can get through this or at least try and get someone to understand my point of view without them thinking I'm using "Autism as an excuse again" (yep, I know that's being said behind my back at our place - another reason why I don't particularly want to socialise with any of them given that it's all very two faced, which just isn't me!)

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  • Like others I've had to do so many of these things because they are expected, and as far as I was able I went along with them.

    However I risk "fading out" and also making a fool of myself. The former finds me sat in a corner evidently looking very out of it, as if drunk. The latter is again the tiredness, less able to give the right reaction, and more likely to do the wrong thing or behave oddly. I've been refused drinks at a bar before now, because I look like I've had too many, before I've even had one (though I generally stay off alcohol anyway, as it increases tiredness).

    I find either I go early, when I sense I'm losing out, or I find ways of getting breaks - going into a quiet corner on an excuse. Might get comments but its a lot safer than the comments I would get if I stayed too long. There are excuses you can come up with if you find the need for several quiet escapes, although there's a limit to how many offers of asprin you can decline. Sometimes stepping outside with the smokers is an option, or at events where there's a kitchen involved sometimes there's a quiter end.

    I also cannot mingle. I need to be near the edge of a room where the sounds come from one direction. Yes I get comments for being stand-offish or antisocial - not managing the situation is a worse outcome.

    I cannot believe that everyone else is purpose built to survive continuously in noisy social gatherings, but it does seem to be just me.

    What I have found is that my seeking a quiet corner means someone decides to "cry on my shoulder" - not what I want, but one to one is less tiring and can give me an excuse.

    Another is being willing to look after bags and such like when there's dancing, especially if I can get to the edge of the room while doing this.

Reply

  • Like others I've had to do so many of these things because they are expected, and as far as I was able I went along with them.

    However I risk "fading out" and also making a fool of myself. The former finds me sat in a corner evidently looking very out of it, as if drunk. The latter is again the tiredness, less able to give the right reaction, and more likely to do the wrong thing or behave oddly. I've been refused drinks at a bar before now, because I look like I've had too many, before I've even had one (though I generally stay off alcohol anyway, as it increases tiredness).

    I find either I go early, when I sense I'm losing out, or I find ways of getting breaks - going into a quiet corner on an excuse. Might get comments but its a lot safer than the comments I would get if I stayed too long. There are excuses you can come up with if you find the need for several quiet escapes, although there's a limit to how many offers of asprin you can decline. Sometimes stepping outside with the smokers is an option, or at events where there's a kitchen involved sometimes there's a quiter end.

    I also cannot mingle. I need to be near the edge of a room where the sounds come from one direction. Yes I get comments for being stand-offish or antisocial - not managing the situation is a worse outcome.

    I cannot believe that everyone else is purpose built to survive continuously in noisy social gatherings, but it does seem to be just me.

    What I have found is that my seeking a quiet corner means someone decides to "cry on my shoulder" - not what I want, but one to one is less tiring and can give me an excuse.

    Another is being willing to look after bags and such like when there's dancing, especially if I can get to the edge of the room while doing this.

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