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Mr Angry!

xoanon
over 9 years ago

So, as of Tuesday it seems I don't have what I thought I had (chronic depression and severe social anxiety disorder) for however long. Instead I have Aspergers.

I understand that this will supposedly make a difference to things but I don't understand why. I know I need to 'adapt' to the idea that I have something different and it will take time. 

I'm no more or less vulnerable, struggling, stressed and numerous other things than I was Monday. I'm still indoors, on my own, daren't open curtains or windows and afraid of people as I was Monday.

Instead I just feel angry, more than angry even.
Angry that I can't find anything which helps me. I'm not a parent, don't have a carer, live alone and have no existing support. 99.9% of information I can find is for parents, relatives, carers, employers and everyone else just not the poor bugger who has had this dropped on him...
Very angry because I am now at sea. I have no idea what's going on, what I'm supposed to do, who I'm supposed to talk to or where I'm supposed to go for help. I think my life has just turned upside down.
Extremely angry that just having the label is probably going to make the difference between qualifying for help and being ignored. Why should I have gone through the past few years? It's disturbing that the label of 'Autism' or 'Aspergers' seems to act like a magic wand.**
Positively livid because I feel like I've lost between 5 and 15 years because nobody realised or understood enough to suggest what was really wrong.
Incandescent rage because when I spoke to my local council, the first thing they said after I mentioned Aspergers was that meant I needed the 'Learning Disability Team'. I can't speak for anyone else but, as a former croupier with a fairly high IQ (140+) I found it a huge insult. 
***please note this is my experience. Other people may have found it very different, which is really my point. It's not about your label, its about your circumstances.
For those who want to know, I'm 43 and had no inkling of this until it was mentioned by my GP a few weeks ago. It has been a bolt from the blue.
Parents
  • over 9 years ago

    Hi  Xoanon, welcome to your new identity.

    Do you see yourself as an ASD person, or a person with ASD?

    I'm 59 and got my diagnosis in February this year. Everything you say is what I have gone, and in some parts still am going, through. I walked out of my assessment with the strangest head I've ever had - dazed and confused doesn't begin to describe it. And yes, I'm indoors with the curtains closed etc, it's the safest place for me at the moment.

    Nothing makes sense any more, except that my diagnosis changed this; for the first time since I was born, I know who I am.

    Now, on here, I'm finding my community. I describe us as Homo Aspie, and the others as Homo Sapiens - it's helped me make some clear definitions for myself. I also think that we're the next evolution of humanity, but that's another theory...

    I'm angry that I've had to spend my life being abused and mistreated, misdiagnosed and missunderstood, but that's behind me now. I can't change it, but now I'm maybe a little more comfortable for knowing there are others like me, and that I'm not alone any more, for the first time in my life. I still feel like a stranger in a strange land, but not a lone stranger any more.

    When the Doctor gave me my diagnosis, my only response was 'what a waste of a life'. With the right diagnosis and support, Aspie children will excel, but without it, they stand a good chance of enduring the same miserable existence that I endured.

    I don't think I can accept that.

    I'm concerned that no ASD child shall grow up undiagnosed, I'm just as aware as any of us what the damage is from not getting one. We're older, and I think it's our duty to help each other (we are a very small %) parents who are struggling to understand their ASD child, and professionals who are trying to diagnose the condition.

    We've got a lifetime of experience to use, and for my part the only waste would be to waste the opportunity to pass it on as helpfuly as I can. At the same time, we have needs too!

    So, welcome new chum, please stay involved. We'll try to help you along, you're amongst friends here and you know we'll be honest with you, if nothing else!

Reply
  • over 9 years ago

    Hi  Xoanon, welcome to your new identity.

    Do you see yourself as an ASD person, or a person with ASD?

    I'm 59 and got my diagnosis in February this year. Everything you say is what I have gone, and in some parts still am going, through. I walked out of my assessment with the strangest head I've ever had - dazed and confused doesn't begin to describe it. And yes, I'm indoors with the curtains closed etc, it's the safest place for me at the moment.

    Nothing makes sense any more, except that my diagnosis changed this; for the first time since I was born, I know who I am.

    Now, on here, I'm finding my community. I describe us as Homo Aspie, and the others as Homo Sapiens - it's helped me make some clear definitions for myself. I also think that we're the next evolution of humanity, but that's another theory...

    I'm angry that I've had to spend my life being abused and mistreated, misdiagnosed and missunderstood, but that's behind me now. I can't change it, but now I'm maybe a little more comfortable for knowing there are others like me, and that I'm not alone any more, for the first time in my life. I still feel like a stranger in a strange land, but not a lone stranger any more.

    When the Doctor gave me my diagnosis, my only response was 'what a waste of a life'. With the right diagnosis and support, Aspie children will excel, but without it, they stand a good chance of enduring the same miserable existence that I endured.

    I don't think I can accept that.

    I'm concerned that no ASD child shall grow up undiagnosed, I'm just as aware as any of us what the damage is from not getting one. We're older, and I think it's our duty to help each other (we are a very small %) parents who are struggling to understand their ASD child, and professionals who are trying to diagnose the condition.

    We've got a lifetime of experience to use, and for my part the only waste would be to waste the opportunity to pass it on as helpfuly as I can. At the same time, we have needs too!

    So, welcome new chum, please stay involved. We'll try to help you along, you're amongst friends here and you know we'll be honest with you, if nothing else!

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