I'm loosing hope of things ever getting better. [warning, long]

Yeah right now, I am trying to stay distracted stay focussed on other things, and, Ive never faced any problems with any past medicals, I have parents whove always helped me, the Emial of a support worker who said she'd help if I needed it, and a sister who, if I'm honest is getting easyer to get along with.

And today was a good day. The problem with the game I am writing? I think I may have solved it.

I might get in touch with the OU, I would like to finish my degree out of simple love of lithology, but it might be worth talking about career path or module choices before I reapply.

I just, with the idea of 5 more years of the tories, I feel to helpless my life so fragile, that its hard not to give in to the anxiety even though I know thats just robbing me of joy right now in fear of an incholate future.

Hadn;t thought of the mentor idea, it may be worth looking into yes. But again I'd have no idea where to start.

I just, I had to stop watching and reading the news years ago, and still the bits the pices, the petitions I add my name too. Ive never beenso scared, or for such a prolonged period.

Firstly, try not to worry about the PIP assessment - it hasn'the happened yet.  I managed to get it without an ATOS medical for my mental health condition so they are not rejecting everyone.  Do get help filling in the forms though, ideally from a support worker (if you can bear getting another one) or you could try the Citizens' Advice Bureau or search online (I have heard there are some sites giving very good advice on how to describe things on the forms to score sufficient points).

Secondly, you should have several options if you do want to continue with the OU.  You could see if the degree you were working towards has been replaced with an equivalent degree, or switch to another degree in the same field or an open degree, both of these should allow you to transfer some or all of your existing credit.  Or, depending on how much of your degree you have studied already you may be able to claim a lower level of qualification, such as a diploma, with your existing credit.  If you did continue to study you may be able to use existing documents as proof of benefits, e.g. an awards letter the DWP have sent you, rather than having to ask them for additional documentation.  And if you were entitled to student finance that may take some of the benefits pressure off.  Not to mention you could also claim Disabled Student's Allowance to pay for a mentor who could help you deal with it all.

I am a little biased as an OU student (however one who is also disabled and knows how difficult it can get) but I am inclined to agree that pursuing a degree is still likely to be worthwhile even if you don't yet have a clear career path, as you will be doing something you enjoy and will be learning other marketable skills like planning and organisation, critical thinking, computer skills, perseverance etc. even if you end up in a job that doesn't require your core degree knowledge.

Thank you. If I had free choice, I think I'd end up in environmental work, nothing so deep in the feild that I lost easy internet access and so lost the network of freinds (Incliding one long suffering soul who has been my best freind since first day of high school, but lives too far away to visit.) but, there could be peace and joy and meaning in that work, if I could find a way to do it, helping preserve whats left of our plannet. It would go with what inspired me into geology actually.

You ever read Dune? the Frank Herbert novel not the drivel by his son from his notes? Theres a line where Liet Kynes (Imperial Planetologist, now there is a job title I'd love!) where he describes an ecology as the flow of free energy within a system. Suddenly it all clicked! Suddenly I could hear poetry in the physical chemical and energy exchanges of nature, the way water moves in and out of the air, the seas, the mantle...

But I'm so scared, and so vulnerable, and so far away from that, I can't see a way from here to there, and when I tried talking to tutors with the open university they basicly told me to focus on getting my degree and then wory about what to do with it, so I ended up with a new fear, that I'd educate myself useless while aging out of other opertunites.

As for the social phobia... Its a bitter drink but my world has shrunk a lot over the last many years. I used to beable to walk into town, headphones on to bloc kthe pummeling croud, get a haircut at my barber, only place in all my life Ive had my hair cut. These days the idea of stepping further away than our parking space fills me with dread.

I don't know how to get from where I am to where I'd be happyer, I dont know whether to follow the rocks, or the writing. I started a project to distract me, justa fun wee thing yeah? writing my own RPG, pen and paper based like D&D but to my own likings. I like rules, enjoy finding ways to create intresting tactical tradeoffs without math. It wont lead to finaincial security but it'd be something done, something achived! Its stalled, becase I cant get my head around social interaction well enough to model it in the rules I;ve built.

Siiiiiiiigh. Same problem as reall life.

I just dont know what to do, or who to ask for help, or how these days.

Geology is a great subject but not great career-wise, at least making big money. That might seem absurd, but what most people end up doing is logging (analysing core samples), seismic and other remote measuring techniques. The romantic notion of studying sediments in the field or collecting fossils is confined to academic/teaching roles. Otherwise you've usually got to be something else, mostly good with computers, but not necessarily fun use of computers.

It follows that, even if you cannot finish the degree it sounds like you've done a lot of learning into the subject and you are keen enough to collect specimens and books.

Geology does attract amateurs. So you could get involved with a local geology/natural history society, go on field trips with them, attend lectures. Granted there is a social side which will be difficult, but fanaticism and a good head for detail and facts can compensate for lack of social skills in a hobby that attracts nerds, geeks and obsessives.

It is also worth contacting the geology department of a local university, who may allow the public to take part in some field trips, and may allow some access to specimens. Also local museums are glad of volunteer geologists.

Getting involved with amateur geology will give you networks - contacts and connections you can use to find jobs. There are lots of things you can do with a geology interest if you don't mind lesser pay. There are jobs for people cataloguing rock collections (so many museum collections where the labels have fallen off!), geology technicians - preparation of specimens, petrology - often used by archaeologists to identify stone age tools. I could go on and on.... if you press me.

I taught geology to undergraduates. I like particularly teaching examination of hand specimens and geology microscope work, and most of my teaching was on palaeoenvironments - identifying the climate and other environments at the time the rocks were laid down, and the behaviour patterns of the fossilsed creatures.

Point I'm making is you've got a way in to loads of geology opportunities. Some of them wont pay you anything, but might sustain a life on support. But there are plenty of lesser jobs that don't pay as well as graduates might like. Also the skills you use in geology can be read across into other areas - archaeology I've mentioned, other branches of environmental science such as geomorphology and hazard management. Then there is land management and development studies where an understanding of geology, soils and climate helps to explain the constraints.....

To do this though you've got to decide to break out of the social phobia trap. You will have to countenance coping in some social infrastructure. The thing to remember about geology is there are loads of other people whom, for various reasons, aren't so socially skilled, so autism isn't necessarily that big a handicap.