overthinking

Hello

I call it this because once I heard it on TV a very long time ago and it sounded as though it something I do actually do and when Apserger's was mooted to me a few year ago and was diagnosed last year with Autism. This is one of the areas where I say to someone I trust I hate autism. 

Tell me something serious, I blink but take it well. Tell me off, quite properly, for something so small I can overthink it. About a month ago I realised the change from knowing it autism to how would have handled it in the past. In the past, if that person had told me off, I would have possibly walked out on her, gone home and not shown up for a few weeks and chuntered to it for myself lasting for about six weeks. This incident I was able to go and seek help elsewhere and a gentle chat about it that moved into relatively normal conversation and went home okay about it as such.

This weekend I had a really good conversation with someone on Friday. In that conversation he pointed out so calmly, I think about comments way to much. Hmm part of my overthinking. The rest of the conversation including that went well. Friday evening was okay. By Saturday though I had remembered he had said this one bit. Of which I knew because I tell 'him' I overthink, and he will know from my contact with him it something I do. So how come I managed to overthink the overthinking.  I didn't argue back or anything at the time. I just nodded because I know I do so.

The comments I end up overthinking, I don't choose them. They can be good comments and I have to go around and around wondering what they might actaully mean. Why did he say it so kind? Or it can be a negative comment in my mind and chunter about it around and around. This person is my support so at least I can offload in my way to them and did so through the whole weekend.  Good things happened in that conversation but somehow my brain not focusing on that. I nearly recovered as such.

But does anyone else have overthinking comments? Can you actually choose what you overthink. This morning he did make a very helpful suggestion in if am going to overthink then choose to think on.... but is it as easy as that?  In the email I sent I know I had done exactly what he told me I do. Take a comment and way over think it. So why I did so when I know I do so. He wasn't correcting me or anything. 

But how do you deal with overthinking.

Parents
  • Spiralling anxiety is a real bugbear - I wonder though if everyone gets it or whether it is one of those things that affect some more than others. I don't think it is an intelligence issue - so much self deprecation is bad for you and hardly intelligent thinking.

    I've had periods where I spend a huge amount of mental energy going through every possible permutation of something that is probably never going to happen, even though I know to remind myself most of the time it is unreal. And the reinforced negativity really undermines self confidence and self esteem.

    I've found ways of reducing it, but I know how much damage I can do myself and appreciate it is a very real concern for many others.

    I think it arises because of lack of social referencing, it becomes necessary to analyse incidents in isolation, which creates a heightened propensity for this kind of counter-productive self analysis. I wonder if non autistic people experience it less because they have social referencing as an option.

    Social referencing allows people to ask someone was I alright in that last conversation, and also allows people to make effective use of other people's backchat and jibes to find out if they did something wrong. And they do learn from seeing others go wrong.

    People on the spectrum cannot it seems make effective use of social referencing (yet it is constantly missing from commentaries about living with autism - NAS in particular please include this more often).

    They really is a need for reference books websites to address this specifically to help people on the spectrum with overthinking. But to get that support professionals need to recognise that it is a widespread problem.

    Are there parents out there who are not themselves on the autistic spectrum, who can explore that concept with their children?  It might be beneficial long term to explore it, and might help parents understand the stress experienced.

Reply
  • Spiralling anxiety is a real bugbear - I wonder though if everyone gets it or whether it is one of those things that affect some more than others. I don't think it is an intelligence issue - so much self deprecation is bad for you and hardly intelligent thinking.

    I've had periods where I spend a huge amount of mental energy going through every possible permutation of something that is probably never going to happen, even though I know to remind myself most of the time it is unreal. And the reinforced negativity really undermines self confidence and self esteem.

    I've found ways of reducing it, but I know how much damage I can do myself and appreciate it is a very real concern for many others.

    I think it arises because of lack of social referencing, it becomes necessary to analyse incidents in isolation, which creates a heightened propensity for this kind of counter-productive self analysis. I wonder if non autistic people experience it less because they have social referencing as an option.

    Social referencing allows people to ask someone was I alright in that last conversation, and also allows people to make effective use of other people's backchat and jibes to find out if they did something wrong. And they do learn from seeing others go wrong.

    People on the spectrum cannot it seems make effective use of social referencing (yet it is constantly missing from commentaries about living with autism - NAS in particular please include this more often).

    They really is a need for reference books websites to address this specifically to help people on the spectrum with overthinking. But to get that support professionals need to recognise that it is a widespread problem.

    Are there parents out there who are not themselves on the autistic spectrum, who can explore that concept with their children?  It might be beneficial long term to explore it, and might help parents understand the stress experienced.

Children
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