Feeling very far from normal right now.. Continued.....

I was just like your son, except that I put chemicals in the salt pot at school, threw girls shoes into toilets, pulled Juliet Guerney's hair all the time, rana round like a boy possessed.

I sat on people's garage roofs, climbed tall trees to watch people from, stole things, even though i was spoilt.

Remember that your experiences are extremely common, and you can be in touch with people, who know exactly what Autism is like.

Thank you, all..

well, he has had 3 weeks at his new school now, with an easter holiday of 2 weeks in the middle of that. when he came home on the last day before holidays, he actually said 'im sad that school is closed for easter'!

the new school is wonderful, he made a fiend ont the first day, and has been asking to have his friend over to play. im trying to organise this at the moment, but his friend lives 8 miles away, and my car broke down 4 weeks ago, so a bit hard to get around!

 i have noticed some changes in him, he is joining us in the lounge more, and generally being more chatty. the only problem i have currently is with him hiding his kindle, and using it late into the night in his bedroom. i've walked past his room at midnight, seen a dim light from his room, gone in and had to whip the game away.. cue lots of growling and frowning...

generally though, life has been improving. its not perfect, and i dont expect it to be, but it does feel better in our house.

Socks, it can very much depend on the child and the circumstance. I confess that I left my son in floods of tears (The one who'd been badly Bullied.) In tha capable hands of a local Am Dram company, following years of hermit behaviour and despite his protests and more or less having to drag him, he told me afterwards, he wished he'd gone years ago. It's often less about force and more about pushing an individual out of their comfort zone.

Although this link refers mainly to females, it was interesting to here him talk about why Acting etc was useful for those on the spectrum.

www.youtube.com/watch

When you think about it, you know what's going to happen and it's rehearsed to the Nth degree. You know your lines, you know what your counterparts are going to say and this takes much of the stress out of it in many ways. Many who have ASD go on to become actors as the predictability suits them so well. It's beyond the comfort of the acting where it may become difficult, but also if other issues are arising it's easy to reach breaking point. My son found the acting good for learning social use of language, but you can go on a specific 'Social Use of Language Program' designed to better help with communication issues.

Relating to animals is also good, which is why I asked. Destraction from anxiety is valuable, but needs to be measured and not all consuming.

Amber, you may find the link below helpful, to better understand anxiety and the issues of social demand exceeding limited capacity.

www.youtube.com/watch

Their are always options, but you need to tell us a little more about what his interests are etc. 

The Violence is a reactive impulse to becoming overwhelmed. You need a few more tools in the toolbox, so that he has other options, rather than to resort to default mode and lash out. One of my lads did this to me, but It was my lack of understanding that brought him to breaking point.

Be kind to yourself Amber, you are doing a great job, but you need to look after yourself also. Re your depression, I've found Mindfulness very useful, but also therapy support too. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.

I'm writing a book at the moment and I cover therapy in it. I've seen a number of therapists, but the only type of therapy I found useful was Psychotherapeutic. Each person is different, but it's worth considering.

(Psychotherapeutic Counselling is distinguished from traditional counselling by its emphasis on the co-creation of an in-depth therapeutic relationship; wherein the suffering human being is viewed holistically, body, mind and soul and in the context of a concrete life situation and developmental stage.

The important thing is to look after your own well-being, as well as your sons. Do consider this book if you'd like to work through some of the issues specifically about your sons ASD and how to improve his well-being. 

www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342

Hope the above is of some help

Coogy.

If you have got to the point where force is being used then you know that something is wrong. (i.e. agreeing with outraged).

Coogy makes some good points and has been there and got the tee-shirt.

If you are struggling to understand your son then it's possible that you or partner may have some of the issues that your children have. ASD is often inherited and, in my opinion as an aspie parent, doesn;t make parenting easy. Have you considered whether they have inherited some of the traits from yourselves? Have you tried the free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

I am surprised that someone with ASD would want to go to theatre school voluntarily. Whose idea was it for him to go that? I would have thought that he would find that very difficult and exhausting and unpleasant given the problems of understanding the group situations and the sensory issues you might expect in such a place.

Hi Amber,

  I so hear you. My son spent years in his bedroom isolated and frought. Mainly due to severe bullying. Can you tell me what stagecoach is? Is that a theatre group?

Isolation is very common. It's what we do when the world seems too scary. Have you spoken to him about the move to the new School, has he been to visit and had intergration sessions etc?

My son had awful experiences at primary. Later, whilst at Secondary, someone on a public bus tried to set his hair alight. This crippled him. It took us 18 months to get him anywhere near a bus after that. However, following another serious bullying incident, I now have to drive him myself, to and from College.

My sons Secondary experience was much more supportive with his statement in place and they used his Autism and SEN experiences to try and raise awareness in the School amongst, his peers, teachers and new prospective pupils. This helped boost his confidence and he's now an ambassador for Autism at his new placement. He struggles greatly with interaction so it's a double edged sword, but at least he trys.

My son seldom goes out without support, especially to unfamiliar places, but over the past two or three years he has tried to push himself to walk around locally for short distances.(He gets severe pains walking just a few yards.) This has only improved because of his special interests. He doesn't go far but it's good that he goes out at all. Are you able to use your sons special interests to get him out more?

Their are age appropriate sites where he may meet like-minded friends. The only problem is, that can make him home bound further, however sometimes it helps for those on the spectrum to reach out to others.

What special interests does he have? Do you have any pets? My other son blossomed when he had pets to care for.

Sounds like you too could do with some support. Bringing up ASD children is one of the most challenging things. Is their a hub in your area?

Coogybear

amberTorquay said:

i dont know how to get him out of his rutt of hating leaving the house. even with the lure of a new school he is still struggling with leaving his bedroom in the morning. he has been physically violent towards me once before when ive forced him to get up and go to his old school, and im scared that he'll do it again.

you said it yourself: force. If you dont force him to do the intolerable, he will not defend himself

GL