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Feeling very far from normal right now.. Continued.....

amberTorquay

my son was diagnosed at end of primary school, where he exhibited 'behavioural difficulties',  my son was allowed to take himself off at lunchtimes to the quiet hub and sit in the reading corner of his classroom for lessons. On the whole he coped, but secondary school was a different beast entirely.

He struggled every day, eventually in year 8 they put him into thier provision for behaviour problems, along with 6 or 7 other pupils. the provision had 2 classrooms, one used by the 6 or 7 students, the other used by my son. he had a laptop in there and would spend every day alone, with a teaching assistant popping in every now and then to hand him another worksheet to do, or some website to visit.

His statement took a year to complete, and finally he has been moved to a school which has a real provision set up for asd kids, 1:3 teachers to pupils, actual structered timetable and lessons, and the chance to access mainstream schol whenever he feels confident and ready to do so.

unfortunately, the year and half of trouble he has had at his first school has had a very negative impact on our family. my daughter is at grammar school and puts a lot of pressure on herself to out-perform her peers, also has developed eating problems. she has been seen by CAMHS and is showing improvements.

i have taken time off work due to depression, stress, all sorts. only in the last 3 weeks ive been feeling better, really since knowing that the school has been changed.

im finding it so hard to even motivate my son to do anything, he usually goes to StageCoach on a saturday, and today he flatly refused to change into the uniform and go out. i cant physically force him to get changed, he's as tall as me at 5'2" and very much stronger. he says hes scared of going outside, he has never liked the process of getting ready to go out, but normally, once we are out and stick to the plan of which shops we car park we are using/which shops we are visiting/what we need to buy (deffinately no browsing!) he is ok.

i dont know how to get him out of his rutt of hating leaving the house. even with the lure of a new school he is still struggling with leaving his bedroom in the morning. he has been physically violent towards me once before when ive forced him to get up and go to his old school, and im scared that he'll do it again.

i need some ideas. he finds comfort from playing his DS or kindl, but that keeps him in his room all day, he'll only come out to eat. normally, i dont mind, he's happy on his own, but i want him to still be in touch with other children.

thank you to anyone whos read all this! i'm just hurting and confused. my partner is a fantastic man, with endless patience, and he will listen to me talk/rant til the cows come home, but i just need some advice from people with experience in this.

xx

Parents

  • Socks, it can very much depend on the child and the circumstance. I confess that I left my son in floods of tears (The one who'd been badly Bullied.) In tha capable hands of a local Am Dram company, following years of hermit behaviour and despite his protests and more or less having to drag him, he told me afterwards, he wished he'd gone years ago. It's often less about force and more about pushing an individual out of their comfort zone.

    Although this link refers mainly to females, it was interesting to here him talk about why Acting etc was useful for those on the spectrum.

    www.youtube.com/watch

    When you think about it, you know what's going to happen and it's rehearsed to the Nth degree. You know your lines, you know what your counterparts are going to say and this takes much of the stress out of it in many ways. Many who have ASD go on to become actors as the predictability suits them so well. It's beyond the comfort of the acting where it may become difficult, but also if other issues are arising it's easy to reach breaking point. My son found the acting good for learning social use of language, but you can go on a specific 'Social Use of Language Program' designed to better help with communication issues.

    Relating to animals is also good, which is why I asked. Destraction from anxiety is valuable, but needs to be measured and not all consuming.

    Amber, you may find the link below helpful, to better understand anxiety and the issues of social demand exceeding limited capacity.

    www.youtube.com/watch

    Their are always options, but you need to tell us a little more about what his interests are etc. 

    The Violence is a reactive impulse to becoming overwhelmed. You need a few more tools in the toolbox, so that he has other options, rather than to resort to default mode and lash out. One of my lads did this to me, but It was my lack of understanding that brought him to breaking point.

    Be kind to yourself Amber, you are doing a great job, but you need to look after yourself also. Re your depression, I've found Mindfulness very useful, but also therapy support too. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.

    I'm writing a book at the moment and I cover therapy in it. I've seen a number of therapists, but the only type of therapy I found useful was Psychotherapeutic. Each person is different, but it's worth considering.

    (Psychotherapeutic Counselling is distinguished from traditional counselling by its emphasis on the co-creation of an in-depth therapeutic relationship; wherein the suffering human being is viewed holistically, body, mind and soul and in the context of a concrete life situation and developmental stage.

    The important thing is to look after your own well-being, as well as your sons. Do consider this book if you'd like to work through some of the issues specifically about your sons ASD and how to improve his well-being. 

    www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342

    Hope the above is of some help

    Coogy.

Reply

  • Socks, it can very much depend on the child and the circumstance. I confess that I left my son in floods of tears (The one who'd been badly Bullied.) In tha capable hands of a local Am Dram company, following years of hermit behaviour and despite his protests and more or less having to drag him, he told me afterwards, he wished he'd gone years ago. It's often less about force and more about pushing an individual out of their comfort zone.

    Although this link refers mainly to females, it was interesting to here him talk about why Acting etc was useful for those on the spectrum.

    www.youtube.com/watch

    When you think about it, you know what's going to happen and it's rehearsed to the Nth degree. You know your lines, you know what your counterparts are going to say and this takes much of the stress out of it in many ways. Many who have ASD go on to become actors as the predictability suits them so well. It's beyond the comfort of the acting where it may become difficult, but also if other issues are arising it's easy to reach breaking point. My son found the acting good for learning social use of language, but you can go on a specific 'Social Use of Language Program' designed to better help with communication issues.

    Relating to animals is also good, which is why I asked. Destraction from anxiety is valuable, but needs to be measured and not all consuming.

    Amber, you may find the link below helpful, to better understand anxiety and the issues of social demand exceeding limited capacity.

    www.youtube.com/watch

    Their are always options, but you need to tell us a little more about what his interests are etc. 

    The Violence is a reactive impulse to becoming overwhelmed. You need a few more tools in the toolbox, so that he has other options, rather than to resort to default mode and lash out. One of my lads did this to me, but It was my lack of understanding that brought him to breaking point.

    Be kind to yourself Amber, you are doing a great job, but you need to look after yourself also. Re your depression, I've found Mindfulness very useful, but also therapy support too. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.

    I'm writing a book at the moment and I cover therapy in it. I've seen a number of therapists, but the only type of therapy I found useful was Psychotherapeutic. Each person is different, but it's worth considering.

    (Psychotherapeutic Counselling is distinguished from traditional counselling by its emphasis on the co-creation of an in-depth therapeutic relationship; wherein the suffering human being is viewed holistically, body, mind and soul and in the context of a concrete life situation and developmental stage.

    The important thing is to look after your own well-being, as well as your sons. Do consider this book if you'd like to work through some of the issues specifically about your sons ASD and how to improve his well-being. 

    www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342

    Hope the above is of some help

    Coogy.

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