feeling like a bad person

thank you everyone xxx

The fact you are conscious of the issues of dependancy and a desire to do more for yourself and be less of an imposition on your parents does you credit and provides you with impetus.

This dilemma affects many young people (besides those on the spectrum) and moreso nowadays, given it is so difficult to achieve independence. There does seem to be greater numbers of young people living at home into their thirties. Buying a house is prohibitively expensive, and needs two salaries of sufficient size to start a mortgage, so you have to have formed a partnership of some kind. Options such as shared ownership with a housing association are incredibly burdensome and often restrict the benefits of selling to move up the housing ladder. But even renting is very expensive. House sharing is an option if you are socially adept to the lifestyle - but it isn't an easy option for people on the spectrum.

So it is not at all unusual to be still at home at 20. I guess though you do not say, that you have not been able to find work, which means you cannot offer an independent income, and the benefits system is now very complex were that a ready option.

Therefore don't blame the autism for your current dependancy, it is a much more widespread phenomenon.

What Marjorie195 says about delayed maturity is probably true of males. Certainly I experienced bizarrely staggered episodes of what should clearly have happened in my teens, at various stages through my twenties, and was incredibly naive about a lot of things until my early thirties.

The trouble is most of what we know about autistic spectrum seems to stop at aged 18. Far too little is known about the life beyond transition.

I felt that I was extremely selfish when growing up, but it diminished and I discovered the true meaning of putting others first when I had a child, at 30.

I really cared about my parents feelings, but did not think it humanly posible to put another persons need before my own. I was very slow to mature, but got there in the end. Tania Marshal describes on her website, delayed maturity as a trait of asd, in females.

I felt guilty about it too, but now having had children, I also know that parents put their childrens needs high on their agenda, and will love and support you for as long as it takes for you to reach that moment when you find you need your independance.

You will mature in your own good time, so enjoy this wonderfully supportive relationship you have with your parents. And do remember that many parents dread the moment when their child grows up and leaves, it's known as "empty nest syndrome". You are perhaps fulfilling a need in them, to have someone to "mother".

If you were a bad person then you wouldn't notice people being kind

If you were a bad person you wouldn't acknowledge their kindness.

Thankyou for noticing and acknowledging these things. :-)

thanks. That is really kind.

I know that I can't expect a partner to be like a parent haha...that would be weird!

Agree, you sound very caring.

I'm presuming your parents at least don't have to change your nappies any more!  You are probably easier to look after than when they first had you?

You sound like a caring and thoughtful person who worries about your impact on the people around you. If you were a bad person you wouldn't care for them. There is a two-way bond between parents and their children that is incredibly tough and resilient that means that neither side will do things that will hurt the other. Sometimes we forget who we are or what is really going on but at the end of the day you will remember that the dreams of both sides depend on the other side doing their bit.

I think you will work out gradually, with trial and error, how to find and sustain a relationship. The world is absolutely full of lonely, sensitive, vulnerable people who need a soul mate who can be brave enough to share their loneliness, sensitivity and vulnerability with you. You don't want to find someone who will tend to your every need and become a replacement parent for you and who will love you unconditionally. You need someone who will put up with you in return for you putting up with their foibles. You want someone with their own interests who will allow you the time and space to follow your own interests. You will find someone who will share a lot, bot not all, of their time with you.

I don't claim to know much about anorexia but I think that it ends up with you punishing your body for some reason that won't really stand up to much scrutiny. People do beat it and learn not to be so harsh on themselves.

xxx

'Socks

*anyone else