The British stiff upper lip

When I have looked at any questionnaires etc which are designed to give an indication of whether someone is on the spectrum, there are always questions about whether other people tell you that you are rude or insensitive and so on.

I don't find that people make these sort of comments as a rule. They are polite, but tend to walk away, or avoid you, and just let you know they don't much like you by actions rather than words.

I have been reading about asd and emotions and about the idea that we have an on/off switch rather than a dial, for our emotions. I certainly find this description fits me. If I am very upset, I cannot stop myself from crying, even in public places. My temper is volcanic and I just can't stop it in some situations. When happy, I often laugh until I cry and my sides hurt. I am just not very British.

When I have travelled abroad, I have seen men arguing loudly and happily in cafes. Here it seems to be taboo to be heated about anything, we are expected to be rational and calm. The bereaved in other countries cry openly, but if someone sheds more than a quiet, polite tear at a funeral here, they are deemed "out of control and undignified".

This leads me to the question:- Are British people with asd more at a disadvantage than our counterparts from cultures that are more expressive?

Parents
  • I wonder sometimes if no facial expression or the dead pan look is an evolved response to being cricised for not having the appropriate facial expresson - neutral is safer.

    I've said recently on another posting it is not just about reading other people's facial expressions correctly it is about generating the appropriate facial expressions to give the right context to what you are trying to say with words, that other people most notice.

    It also relates to why neurotypicals need to use emoticons/smilies to substitute a contextual facial expression when texting.

    What may be happening is that your facial expression contradicts what you are trying to convey with speech, or looks like you are being sarcastic or ambiguous.

    Other factors can also make us seem rude - not being the right distance from another person, or pitching our voices too loud (as if it would be in a textual context using block capitals), or not looking at the person you are talking to, which is perceived as being rude. Or not using the phrasing and additional courtesies someone in seniority to you, or authority over you expects.

    NTs expect to see certain physical manifestations backing up what you are saying. When this doesn't happen they are at least confused, and sometimes annoyed, and read your intentions as insincere, cryptic or rude.

    Unfortunately while people on the spectrum having difficulty reading other people's facial expression is explained, seldom does anyone explain that not being able to generate the right facial expressions is the other half of the problem.

Reply
  • I wonder sometimes if no facial expression or the dead pan look is an evolved response to being cricised for not having the appropriate facial expresson - neutral is safer.

    I've said recently on another posting it is not just about reading other people's facial expressions correctly it is about generating the appropriate facial expressions to give the right context to what you are trying to say with words, that other people most notice.

    It also relates to why neurotypicals need to use emoticons/smilies to substitute a contextual facial expression when texting.

    What may be happening is that your facial expression contradicts what you are trying to convey with speech, or looks like you are being sarcastic or ambiguous.

    Other factors can also make us seem rude - not being the right distance from another person, or pitching our voices too loud (as if it would be in a textual context using block capitals), or not looking at the person you are talking to, which is perceived as being rude. Or not using the phrasing and additional courtesies someone in seniority to you, or authority over you expects.

    NTs expect to see certain physical manifestations backing up what you are saying. When this doesn't happen they are at least confused, and sometimes annoyed, and read your intentions as insincere, cryptic or rude.

    Unfortunately while people on the spectrum having difficulty reading other people's facial expression is explained, seldom does anyone explain that not being able to generate the right facial expressions is the other half of the problem.

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