The British stiff upper lip

When I have looked at any questionnaires etc which are designed to give an indication of whether someone is on the spectrum, there are always questions about whether other people tell you that you are rude or insensitive and so on.

I don't find that people make these sort of comments as a rule. They are polite, but tend to walk away, or avoid you, and just let you know they don't much like you by actions rather than words.

I have been reading about asd and emotions and about the idea that we have an on/off switch rather than a dial, for our emotions. I certainly find this description fits me. If I am very upset, I cannot stop myself from crying, even in public places. My temper is volcanic and I just can't stop it in some situations. When happy, I often laugh until I cry and my sides hurt. I am just not very British.

When I have travelled abroad, I have seen men arguing loudly and happily in cafes. Here it seems to be taboo to be heated about anything, we are expected to be rational and calm. The bereaved in other countries cry openly, but if someone sheds more than a quiet, polite tear at a funeral here, they are deemed "out of control and undignified".

This leads me to the question:- Are British people with asd more at a disadvantage than our counterparts from cultures that are more expressive?

Parents
  • Tony Attwood's the Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome has a section on "being considered disrespectful and rude" in his chapter on theory of mind, p116-117.

    Apart from not reading cues, he includes enthusiasm for special subject and perception that what others usually want to talk about is boring.

    Also that impaired theory of mind deprives the child (Attwood never seems to talk about adults) of boundaries to a question - eg what did you do today? - where do you start? an itemised list from getting up to going to bed? or just a brief resume?  He gives the example of someone asked what they'd like to drink, asking what choices there were, which seems logical for someone on the spectrum, but NTs just venture what they want.

    He also makes a point, p90 that parents or carers so often make excuses for people on the spectrum getting social rules wrong, that that further takes away from the individual's own learning experience of cues.

    Should parents help their children find ways of clarifying their own difficulty in social situations - eg saying "please let me know if I go on too long about something".... rather than telling the other person aside - my son/daughter has autism, please be forgiving?

Reply
  • Tony Attwood's the Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome has a section on "being considered disrespectful and rude" in his chapter on theory of mind, p116-117.

    Apart from not reading cues, he includes enthusiasm for special subject and perception that what others usually want to talk about is boring.

    Also that impaired theory of mind deprives the child (Attwood never seems to talk about adults) of boundaries to a question - eg what did you do today? - where do you start? an itemised list from getting up to going to bed? or just a brief resume?  He gives the example of someone asked what they'd like to drink, asking what choices there were, which seems logical for someone on the spectrum, but NTs just venture what they want.

    He also makes a point, p90 that parents or carers so often make excuses for people on the spectrum getting social rules wrong, that that further takes away from the individual's own learning experience of cues.

    Should parents help their children find ways of clarifying their own difficulty in social situations - eg saying "please let me know if I go on too long about something".... rather than telling the other person aside - my son/daughter has autism, please be forgiving?

Children
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