I will start with being less of a people pleaser and less compliant.
That would probably have changed the course of my life.
How about you?
I will start with being less of a people pleaser and less compliant.
That would probably have changed the course of my life.
How about you?
Your purpose in life is not to make other people happy...it's okay to put yourself first.
This one particularly resonated with me.
Why does sex have to be confined to marriage?
Right? What’s important is knowing how to do it safely and with consent, and for some reason churches think teaching what really matters is going to damn them to Hell. Sickens me, honestly.
but at any age of life, the threat of abuse dosen't go away.
Yeah… That’s pretty sick that there’s never an age that women can feel totally safe from that.
that she'd be a good mistress but not a wife because she liked sex!
That’s such a pathetic claim to make. I’m stunned there’s men out there that feel justified saying stupid stuff like that.
Even in the secular world there's a lot of the "daughter of Eve" nonsense, although the bible never actually mentions that sex was what caused the fall.
I think one of the worst things was it not being seen as "nice" to like sex, I mean WTF has "nice" got to do with it? Nice is a word thats used to judge women, really it means submissive and knowing ones place, men have this idea that their desires are primal and deserve to be attended too, whereas a woman's are something different, usually baby related. There are even quite a lot of men who say they want an sexually adventurous woman, but when they get one, they can't handle it, a woman who's able to say what she wants and what she dosen't seems really scary and they feel unmanned by the lack of control.
Its not as teens that women struggle to show desire, but at any age of life, the threat of abuse dosen't go away.
Another horrible thing was what a friend was once told, that she'd be a good mistress but not a wife because she liked sex!
I can't imagine what it must be like growing up with that sort of Christianity, or any other religion that's so anti-sex and womens sexuality in particular. Why does sex have to be confined to marriage?
What did the voice on the bus say ? Intriguing
I really appreciate this response. You have explained it very well and I value your experience.
Women can and do have a strong sex drive, I did, it's just less socially acceptable to admit to it and potentially dangerous as so many men think that if a woman wants sex then she must want it with them.
That makes a ton of sense. I guess I’m used to my wife who used to have a bit of a libido but then completely lost it after having kids. But even when she did have a drive, it did feel a bit like it was more of “a thing that needs to be done” rather than “a thing that is exciting or at least meaningful.” So looking back, I’m pretty convinced she was always a bit ace. Since she’s the only person I’ve really gone that far in a relationship with, I suppose I just attribute that to all women.
Granted, I think another problem that led to my warped vision of women not liking sex is that I come from a very strongly Christian background. Like 3/4s of the girls I dated were not just Christian, but from conservative backgrounds, too. That meant for them sex was a completely taboo subject. I’m guessing sex was still a difficult thing for them even after marriage because of how taboo it was. Ironically, I have around five female friends/family who came from that background, married a man, then divorced and came out as lesbian. One of which even became a pastor for a brief stint before coming out. (EDIT: I just remembered another acquaintance of mine that attempted to become a pastor, then gave up, divorced her husband, and came out as lesbian. So two ladies I know went that route!) I think making sex so ridiculously taboo only serves to make it intolerable, especially for women.
I totally understand your point that it is less socially acceptable for women to have a sex drive primarily due to safety. I can’t imagine being a female teen with those urges and needing to be careful showing those urges due to the potential of abuse. That’s twisted and I wish things were different, but you’re right.
I used to feel like that too before it happened, but in reality its more akin to not being hungry after a good meal, not bloated or overfull, just comfortable.
At first I did feel like I'd forgotten something and I'd have to try and remember what it was and then get in a bit of a flap about it, then I realised if I was conciously having to remember to try and find someone to be attracted too, then it really wasn't worth the effort.
I don't think it's gender related if I'm honest, I think men are allowed to more open about their sexual needs than women, still. Women can and do have a strong sex drive, I did, it's just less socially acceptable to admit to it and potentially dangerous as so many men think that if a woman wants sex then she must want it with them.
We've all had an age when we were aware of sex and that it was something we'd want to do in the future, but not yet and it still felt a bit ick. For me it was when I was about 12, I felt aware and sensible, I was gaining an idea of who and what I was, then the hormones hit and 40 years of insanity ensued, now I've picked up from where my 12 year old self left off and I like it here.
I was profoundly unsuited for the style of learning and lack of structure universities have.
I didn't do well. I dropped out and went to wrok. Ten years later, I started studying with the Open University, found it suited me and got my degree. It was hard work combining work and study, but I got to study in a room that was comforting, without noise or distraction and in my own time. As an added extra, I could build up my degree from modules I liked.
Very much this I went to Uni because it was expected of me because I was a "smart kid" and only the "thick kids" went straight into work or learned a trade but I was profoundly unsuited for the style of learning and lack of structure universities have.
That's not to say I didn't enjoy university but I would've done better if I'd spent five years working and then went to Uni with a better idea of what to do as a mature adult.
Your purpose in life is not to make other people happy...it's okay to put yourself first.
You should have listened to the voice on the bus, and should have moved to London like you wanted.
2. Yes, bisexuality and then probable asexuality. So I will add I shouldn’t feel pressure to conform and go what everyone else is doing. Ultimately it leads to confusion and some regrets.
I’m glad to hear that you are happy in your situation.
I feel like if I were to ever lose my libido I would feel like something is missing - probably because I’m a guy - but I would hope I’d feel the same as you do. That sounds like so much less stress, honestly.
I feel a bit sad because I don’t know what I would say, maybe “it will be okay, it won’t be easy but you will be loved”.
Monogamy's great if its mutual, but if you look at the numbers of people who have or have had affairs you'll see it's not that mutual.
I'm in the strange position of not having a libido at all now, it's great like having an extension to my head, you don't realise how much attention having a libido uses up until you no longer have one.
I don't miss intimacy at all, if I want a cuddle, I have cats and a dog, one of the brilliant things is they have no expectations of things going any further which was something I often found difficult.
I hope I never regain my libido, if I do, I'll be looking for ways to get rid of it again, they whole idea of having to go through all the palaver of finding someone acceptable feels like such a drag. I'm so much happier in myself with no sex drive, there's no pressure to look good or to be "good enough". I was always hetrosexual, I can see the attraction of breasts, but another womans undercarriage, no.
Reminds me of my favourite Cartoon, "Courage The Cowardly Dog": www.youtube.com/watch
I do sincerely hope that you are happy and content with your current relationship.
You are very kind.
Yes I am at my most content thank you.
I wish you the same.
Totally fair and reasonable. Security, stability, and companionship are all noble things to cherish, and honestly sex and orientation should not be more important than those aspects of a relationship.
I don’t know your situation - nor do I wish to pry - but I do sincerely hope that you are happy and content with your current relationship. It sounds as if things have been rocky for you in the past, so that would be wonderful if you feel things are good right now.
