I will start with being less of a people pleaser and less compliant.
That would probably have changed the course of my life.
How about you?
I will start with being less of a people pleaser and less compliant.
That would probably have changed the course of my life.
How about you?
Ultimately, I would want to convince my younger self to become agnostic atheist, rather than Protestant.
I was deeply afraid of being called gay, so on top of already being a bit girl-crazy I was desperate to constantly have a girlfriend to prove my heterosexuality. That was wrong on so many levels (I was literally homophobic and didn’t realize it). I also would have benefitted from being told that Hell isn’t real. I was so deeply afraid of being punished eternally for even the slightest sin, so here I was completely girl-crazy and girlfriend-focused but afraid of sex. I think that caused way more internal turmoil than what it was worth. Once I knew how to have safe and consensual sex, why frustrate myself so much over that?
One thing I’m not sure I’d want to tell my past self is that deep down I am polyamorous. I like the idea of doing that and seeing how fulfilling that could be to just be myself without worrying so much about traditional Christian values of monogamy, but then again… Maybe I’d end up stabbed and left in a ditch somewhere, too. Idk about that, maybe it’s best I learned that when I did lol.
One thing I’m not sure I’d want to tell my past self is that deep down I am polyamorous.
Polyamorous or pansexual? When I finally went to bed with a woman, sex felt as natural with her as it had with my male partners. Nowadays, I'd call myself pansexual rather than bisexual. Definately not polyamorous.
I'd tell my younger self not to be concerned about someone's body shape - what matters is love.
Yay! I’m glad to hear you have found yourself! Congrats!
I’m polyamorous demisexual. I’m mostly attracted to people who have proven to be friendly or at the very least appear to be friendly. I lean so much more towards women that I’m okay with identifying as heterosexual (the demi part is hard to explain to non-LGBTQ+ folk), but I do believe there have been a couple cases where I strongly fought the urge to develop a crush on men. So… maybe a 90/10 or 95/5 split? lol. It’s hard to imagine being intimate beyond snuggling up next to another man, but I am infamous in my friend circle for being very snuggly with people I trust regardless of gender lol
The polyamorous part is tough, because I realized that AFTER having a wife and kids. So theoretically I don’t practice polyamory, but I do believe I have an inclination towards it. There have been many situations throughout my life where I was completely confused by why I was experiencing so many crushes at once. Even if I felt devoted to one person, I couldn’t help but have strong feelings for others. I knew it was wrong (by societal values), but couldn’t fully fight it. I know it sounds like I’m just a cheater, and that’s what I’ve been labelling myself for decades, but honestly? I think it’s just a part of who I am. Some people like me just struggle with the idea of intimacy with only one person forever. Now that I recognize it, I feel more confident I can control myself and stay devoted to my wife, because now I have a better grasp on how and why I develop these feelings. The easiest way to fix this is by having most of my friendships online and geographically far apart.
For example, when I started dating my now-wife during college, I simultaneously had an unrequited love for another good friend. I was so torn up about it, I even ended up attempting to hook up that friend with my roommate so that I could at least feel like I was dating her vicariously. Super messed up and I regret that. Had I known it was because of my polyamorous leanings, I probably would have respected their friendship more and focus more on my actual girlfriend. Or, perhaps I could have admitted to both ladies what I actually am? Probably would have missed an opportunity to date either, but hey, at least I’d have been myself.
Ultimately, I hate polygamy. Sounds hilarious, but I think that’s a stupid idea. Polyamory IS NOT the same as polygamy. That’s just a recipe for a disastrous family environment. What I approve of is the idea of having one devoted partner, then the possibility of other, less devoted partners. In other words, trusted best friends should be allowed to be intimate (so long as it is safe, of course). Swinging is okay, though I feel like that is too dangerous. Not to mention I only find people I think I can trust attractive, so it probably wouldn’t work for me anyways lol.
Phew, sorry for the explosion of words. I don’t often have an opportunity to discuss my sexual preferences without fear of being slapped around. Even at the LGBTQ+ group I volunteer for (they assume I’m a cisgender heterosexual ally). My closest friends have generally accepted my orientation, and though several of them identify as bi, none of them agree with or understand the polyamory. So thanks, I appreciate the excuse to get that off my chest lol
Why does sex have to be confined to marriage?
Right? What’s important is knowing how to do it safely and with consent, and for some reason churches think teaching what really matters is going to damn them to Hell. Sickens me, honestly.
but at any age of life, the threat of abuse dosen't go away.
Yeah… That’s pretty sick that there’s never an age that women can feel totally safe from that.
that she'd be a good mistress but not a wife because she liked sex!
That’s such a pathetic claim to make. I’m stunned there’s men out there that feel justified saying stupid stuff like that.
Why does sex have to be confined to marriage?
Right? What’s important is knowing how to do it safely and with consent, and for some reason churches think teaching what really matters is going to damn them to Hell. Sickens me, honestly.
but at any age of life, the threat of abuse dosen't go away.
Yeah… That’s pretty sick that there’s never an age that women can feel totally safe from that.
that she'd be a good mistress but not a wife because she liked sex!
That’s such a pathetic claim to make. I’m stunned there’s men out there that feel justified saying stupid stuff like that.