Did you have a happy or unhappy childhood?

Personally, I had a awful childhood, various factors from poor home life, bullied throughout school and more. The tragic thing is, I dont remember alot of my life before 21, the only memories I do have are bad ones. There are no photos of me between the ages of 9 to 29 any after this age are few and far between.

I thought I had a great upbringing even though I struggled at school and with friends. It wasn't until I started therapy that I realised yes my mum and dad provided for me physically but not so much emotionally, in fact I came to realise my mum has strong narcissistic tendencies and my dad is emotionally absent. I started to discuss things with my brother and he said there wasn't any love in the house. We both sort of didn't know the basics about hygiene either, he had the unbearable experience of being told by a girl at comprehensive school that he smelled, he also remembers his hair being thick with grease and his teeth being yellow with plague. I was a bit luckier my mum told mum I smelled, so I then started to wear deodorant.

When I was in my early teens. I remember staying at a friends house from riding school, we used to do that, her mum and dad seemed cosy to me, I can't really explain the feeling but it felt safe, her mum even repaired my riding jacket, I loved staying there, but my friend never wanted to return to my house, it troubled me so I told my mum and she said my friend was weird. I now know it was my mum and dad that were weird. 

The really strange thing is that I ended up choosing a husband just like my dad, emotionally absent. Thank goodness for therapy to help me see all these things so much more clearly now.

Just to add my mum was taking valium for a large part of my early childhood.

Beautiful, that is wonderful to hear positivity for the next generation.

I had a bad childhood and a rough time of it. My husband who is also on the spectrum had a happy childhood. It's interesting because I can see the autistic people through the generations in my family and how they were punished for it and how they abused the next generation for daring to be autistic. Meanwhile my husbands family are all very obviously autistic but they just have the attitude of "Yes we are normal. Everyone else is weird" and didn't traumatise each other. Because of that they are very close and he has a much more firm sense of who he is. 

Luckily we live close to his family and very far from mine so when we had our kid we raised them with their family ethos of "They won't eat what everyone else does? That's fine. Let's just make them something else" and "Oh they're probably freaking out because that shirts a bad texture, lets find one they like" and "The reason they don't want to go is because it was sprung on them, you have to give them lots of lead time to get used to new things" 

Meaning my kid didn't get my trauma passed down

Anabin said:

I remember certain events and some eras, but little of day to day life.

I'm the same. I have no idea whether it's normal for autism.

I actually struggle to remember much of my childhood. I remember certain events and some eras, but little of day to day life. This has always seemed normal to me as it's my only experience, but some people tell me it's unusual. I have wondered if it is related to neurodiversity.

I tend to think that if either parent has autistic traits, and have not themselves been conditioned by their family or society to despise or fear these traits, then they can make the home life of any autistic children happy and secure.

Thank you all for your replies. 

I realise that for some of us going back there in our minds can be a painful experience. 

That is nice to hear. I hope my daughter will say what you said word for word when she grows up. Obviously school is difficult for her, but I’m hoping she looks back and thinks of her family life fondly.

I was very happy as a child until I had to go to school; then I was rather miserable, sometimes overwhelmed and often exhausted, in and by school, but continued to have a happy home life. My parents were wonderful, supportive people. My temperament was very similar to my father's (autistic traits?) and I was therefore not a big surprise, behaviourally, to my mother.

Like that of others mine was mixed, the good times were good but infrequent and the abuse go worse the older I got. I'm not sure how much was to do with undiagnosed autism, not as much as other factors I suspect, living with a binge alcoholic, who was depressed, sleep deprived and violent caused more problems than anything else.

Never having played with more than one child before school didn't help as I was totally unsocialised and didn't know how to be around other children. My family was different to that of many of my class mates and that was picked up on and used as a stick to beat me with. If others asked about things my family did differently, I didn't know how to answer, why they were asking and if I asked my parents they'd just get cross, understandably so looking back at it as an adult.

There were a great deal of social changes when I was growing up, teachers in particular didn't like them, I remember some of the male teachers practically rampaging around the school the day the equal opportunities bill was passed, shouting at us that we'd all still end up selling spuds in woollies before having babies. There was a lot of sexual abuse around too, not just at school, but in life in general which made life really difficult for so many women and girls. 

I think it depends on your definition of happy. At a quick glance my childhood would look and was fairly privileged. I lived in a nice village, was physically well cared for and got to go on nice holidays etc

But I wasn't a happy child. I struggled every day. I had a difficult relationship with my mum. She didn't understand my difficulties (I wasn't diagnosed) and this led to a lot of frustration. I also really struggled with other children. I got bullied a lot. I wasn't liked. That takes it's toll. I also struggled with school. I didn't really understand the concept of doing what you were told because an adult said so. Not that I thought I should be able to do whatever I wanted, just that I needed to understand the point of the rule not it just be "because I said so". I also found it difficult to engage with work I wasn't interested in.

So I would say I had an unhappy childhood but I also wouldn't compare it to the childhood that some people have had as I know it could have been a lot worse.

I would say that I am now dealing with the impact of my childhood in therapy.

Thank you for the kind words, it's nice to hear.
It sounds like you've got the right idea and I hope you are enjoying your life and that you continue to. I'm still a work in progress on that front but I'm always aiming for it.

see my reply to FriendlyNPC . 

But on here you've discovered a huge surrogate family who recognise and acknowledge such abuse, will support you and wish you well. I always say a silent 'thank you' that I've outlived my abusers and intend to enjoy what time is left to me. When I think of them, it's like thinking of historical characters who are fading away gradually until they're no longer real to me.

I had a very difficult childhood. I didn't know I was autistic back then but it seems that other kids picked up on it. At school I was heavily bullied, the physical damage (the worst of which was a couple of broken bones and some torn muscles) was bad, but the regular humiliation and being spat on were worse. 
I had a traumatic home life too with many family problems. I have had to have a lot of therapy, much of it ineffective. 

It is certainly significant for me and has, in many ways, shaped the person I have become and caused me life long difficulties. 

At the moment I sleep in my childhood bedroom, when I was a child the door had a large stable bolt on the outside of it. A punishment could mean being shut in until the next day. The door has been changed but I can still see the outline of the hole in the frame that the bolt went into. It’s little things that just remind me that I didn’t make it up.

B said:

create or exacerbate this ultra vigilance too.

I listened to a writer and autistic advocate yesterday, Pete Wharmby, the subject was autistic people being constantly defensive and vigilant, he said, “ do you know of any other group of children who get criticised from day one for playing with their toys incorrectly, lining them up and being told it’s incorrect, and you wonder why we grow up to be so defensive.”

Very unhappy, I won't  go into details now because I haven't the hours to spare. 

SpiffyVoxel said:

My teen years at school and university further away, not so happy.

I am sorry to hear this.

profdanger said:

My mother is a narcissist.

I believe my mother was too but only retrospectively - I didn't realise at the time.

I believe though that were other things going on eg psychosis, delusions and probably autism.

Thank you for sharing your background, albeit troubled.

profdanger said:

Thankfully due to therapy and a supportive wife I have a solid grasp on reality now and I am more comfortable setting boundaries to keep myself (and my daughters) safe.

Good news.