Meltdown today

Today I had a meltdown for the first time in a few weeks. I thought I was doing okay, but today pushed me over the edge. I have stress about work, something personal in my home life and I was running late today while trying to please others and failing miserably. I have an ill friend and thinking about her is making me feel so sad a lot of the time. I take antidepressants, and I think they work for me, but I just had a very hard day today and it all started with this loss of control emotionally. I don’t know what I want from posting here but I feel I just want to tell people who might understand. 

Parents
  • Im glad you are posting here, and releasing a bit of what is causing you distress. it sounds like you are dealing with a lot, and it's understandable that you've been pushed over the edge. I hope you can be kind and gentle with yourself as you navigate your way through this.Purple heart

  • Thank you Lonehare, I certainly feel like I have got my fair share of difficulties at the moment. They aren’t easy to fix either, and I struggle to share my feelings and how much everything hurts in real life. I find when I’m angry, overwhelmed or sad I do become mute or at least able to access less words than usual. It’s frightening and frustrating. 

  • Sorry to jump in, it is that inability to access words that becomes so frustrating. Either a tirade of words come out that weren’t meant for public consumption, more thoughts, or nothing and not able to find the words, they are all jumbled and not accessible.

Reply Children
  • At my assessment my wife described my periods of silence as ‘radio silence’ they can last for days. 
    I particularly hate it when a scene has played out in public, it seems to give my family something to gossip about. I think of it as similar to sending drunk text messages, in the morning I can’t remember that being me and feel even worse.

    If you want a good podcast I can recommend Sara Gibbs, Aut-hour. One of her guests is Fern Brady, a very good listen. They are all good guests, everyone is autistic!

  • It’s frustrating because I don’t want to be mute,  I can’t speak, or look at anyone, I don’t want to be seen and these things alway happen infront of other people. I have thoughts of how bad it feels and I’m kind of scared of what might happen next and also scared the person I am with will hate me. It’s shame I suppose. This afternoon is a quiet one for me, going to sit in the hot tub and listen to a favouite podcast ..