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Surprises.

Roy

Does anyone else struggle with surprises?

My wife has surprised me with some concert tickets for later in the year. I feel mean for not reacting in the way expected. It caused me to shutdown as there were too many variables to think about. I’m then thought of as not being grateful. I very much need to examine something before it being suddenly being put on my internal calendar.

In truth I have always hated surprises, I’m supposed to look forward to the event, I will definitely be thinking about it for months, but for different reasons. Travel, parking, hotel, and food, to name a few. The thoughts will invade my brain, at the same time I’m expected to smile and seem excited. Sorry for what seems like me being ungrateful, I don’t have anyone else who might understand.

  • in reply to Roy

     "I find everyone treats me just the same" - i wonder sometimes that this is likely to continue until one treats oneself differently?

  • in reply to Roy

    tricky not be be caught in a "no win" situation sometimes - I personally found my confidence took quite a knock around the time of diagnosis - truth was I was always a bit tricky with "surprises" before and struggle to tell the difference sometimes with "hostile" acts and good natured ones.  Do you think you would enjoy the concert  ?

  • Roy said:
    Does anyone else struggle with surprises?

    Yes, I do, and one that involves as much as your one does, I would very much struggle with.

    Sorry this has happened Roy, even if it's from the best of intentions (which I assume it is).

    Relationships are hard for us I think.

    Funnily enough, the opposite happened for me recently.

    My husband bought a single ticket for a show in London when I thought he was buying for both of us.

    I was taken aback when he started to talk about the 'ticket' and I think he felt bad when he realised I expected to go too.

    My initial feeling was disappointment and then I really thought about it: the travel, noise, people, heat, exhaustion etc and realised that his omission was a blessing in disguise.

    Virtual hug.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I’ve never thought of it that way, yes it is a shock,  the theatre was mentioned weeks ago and i quickly changed the subject. I just feel, if I say outrightly no to something then I’m not trying hard enough.  Well everyone else will be enjoying themselves.

  • Do you like theatre, have you ever expressed a wish to see this production?

    I totally understand how you feel, I'd be on the verge of a melt down if someone did that to me, I'm not a fan of surprises at the best of times, I try telling people the only difference between a surprise and a shock is how welcome it is, if it's welcome its a surprise if it isn't then its a shock. I'd have the same worries as you about where to stay, what I could eat, being surrounded by loads of people.

    I don't think you're ungrateful, but I think your wife may be a bit inconsiderate

  • in reply to Phased

    Thanks for your reply, I will most probably be okay by the time we go.

    I waited nearly 3 years to be assessed, the result finally gave me an answer. I find everyone treats me just the same, if I could do something before then I should be still able to do it now. Nobody seems to make any allowances. I remember a family member being told I’m autistic, the reply was, “ how does that change anything?.”

    I don’t expect people to ‘tip toe’ around me, I just thought  I might get generally treated a bit better. That’s most probably what the underlying problem is.

  • That part of my own "spiky profile" has it's moments too  .

    If it's possible to get the "prep" done for the trip early then i am often OK with it - mostly about reassuring myself.

    The tricky thing is that whilst i consider myself to be quite good at such prep it is often done at the cost of a lot of energy - and i put it off.

    So changes in routine are hard work - maybe focus on the benefits and be steady about the prep?  "accentuate the positive..."?  hehe say's I - putting off something I've been fretting about doing for a couple of weeks by being on this website!