The pitfalls of a gossipy workplace

I am so glad you seem to be doing better, that sounds like you are in a much better place, which is so good to hear. I hope it continues to be managable for you.

I've spent the last two weeks just keeping to myself somewhat. Ignoring any gossipy chatter, and saying I'm not interested in talking about other staff when colleagues try and gossip with me.

I'm pretty sure some are still gossipping about me, but have decided that they can play their silly games if they really want to. I am just gettign on with my job and doing it properly.

I have also done part of  the other person's job at times when they are cutting corners to ensure it is done properly. It doesn't take much time or effort on my part, even if it is unfair that I have to do so, but makes it me feel better.

No-one has been directly rude or insulting to my face - I think they may have realised that doing so will not be tolerated and it will be passed to management to deal with. That's fine by me. I do not have friends at work - I keep work and home VERY separate.

However, there is one kind colleague I get on with pretty well, and who has been messaging me almost daily to ensure I am ok. Even so, I am guarded in my replies and keep them generic.

Thanks to all here for commenting and supporting.

I feel your pain, my worst time for this was when working at a software supplier from 1997-2002 where the other young lads around my age were really "alpha-male" while I wasn't, and had things in common which I didn't, the boss criticised me for "not fitting in", "you're not one of the lads are you", "you don't play football with them" etc etc and that it was entirely me who "had to improve my communication".  This is noting that I hadn't declared my Aspergers to that employer at that time, looking back I'm still not sure if discolosing my disabilty would have helped this director as I think he was already somewhat prejudiced in his siding with the pack against me, and it sounds like the senior person at your place is a bit like that.

Hope your day goes okay.

Unfortunately, today I will be spending a working day with one of those people, who has been less than pleasant to be with previously.

I will be keeping quiet, doing my part of the job fully, and dissociating as necessary.

It would seem that you're already marked out, so what have you got to lose? It should be acted on, these people are not just bullying you, they're probably losing the company money too, there are plenty of people looking for jobs, so if the bullies lose theirs so what? 

Your situation is exactly why employments rights, rights to not be bullied and ganged up on like this exist, please seriously think about using them.

The problem is, if I do that, it will get acted on, and then I am forever marked for being a "grass" or similar.

Indeed. It's very like the bullying I experienced in school because I was different and wanted to do my work well.

I have experienced this as well.

I'd would do things correctly, accumulate anger and eventually make a strong comment, that was possibly exaggerated without having the same context as me.. 

This would turn into a negative feedback loop of overthinking things, which would harm my performance.

These are adults who have created this private chat? It’s very immature and child like. Keep your head high and know that they are in the wrong!

This sounds like we're back in the 1970's!! It's difficult to guide the best course of action without knowing the full set-up, but from what you describe I doubt there's a lot you could do, without causing irreparable harm to yourself, unfortunately 

Is there an HR dept or trade union you could take this too?

Unfortunately, I am now the subject of some bullying.

I am also considered to be a "grass" for mentioning I am being bullied to a colleague.

Apparently I should just accept the bullying in silence.

There is apparently a WhatsApp group where I and another couple of guys are being mocked because we are not the same as the rest of them.

That sounds pretty tough, I think I'd just keep to myself if it's gossipy. I don't like speaking if it's going to come back at you. Doesn't help your personal happiness though.

Working with someone who cuts corners and does a bad job is hard and frustrating. I tend to end up doing more to make up for them -I used to be lead to someone who would sometimes not do the work asked (when it was stuff they didn't want to do). I'd end up covering as I felt responsible for my team. It probably contributed to my burnout (among other factors like chronically overdoing it, I'm just not cut out for the politics of being a lead). 

What a horrible thing to have happen and its no wonder you feel like retreating ito your shell, is there an HR dept or union you could talk to about this?

It is really annoying when people cut corners, are lazy leaving you to do the work and dont' see the reason why protocols are in place. Often these are not meaningless redtape but have been put there for the safety of workers, users and customers.

I think most if not all work places have gossips, luckily for me I don’t often speak about anything too personal. Knowing who to trust is key in this type of environment but if your gut is telling you not to trust anyone then that’s your best option. The only downfall to this self isolation is further disconnect which may lead to negative feelings towards colleagues.