Spending time alone

I bet the time you spend with your family when your batteries are fully recharged is good quality time though, so don't beat yourself up to much

McFrost said:

Very occasionally my wife will stay at her mother's with the kids and this is absolute heaven!

Oh I understand where you’re coming from there. That’s a delight when that happens.

I love spending time alone. I am married with children so it's not always easy and I probably don't get quite as much as I need, but regular alone time is absolutely vital for my mental health. I go out running alone and I have a job that involves a lot of driving which is also alone time. Very occasionally my wife will stay at her mother's with the kids and this is absolute heaven! I used to feel guilty about wanting to be alone so much but it doesn't mean I don't love my family or want to be with them ever, just that I have to recharge my batteries by being by myself.

When I am alone I can just relax, not worry about masking, be weird, do what I want and not have demands placed on me.

Masking is about meeting what you think the world's expectations are. The issue is where these don't align with what you want as this causes stress. Somethings are unavoidable, e.g. even if you find clothes awkward you can't go out in public naked, but you can get softer more comfortable clothes, i.e find accommodations and mitigations.

When you are alone you don't need to meet other people's expectations. You still have your internal rule book, and you might want to look at some of those and see if all the rules are reasonable. For me, a lot of the pressure was self-generated, easing off can really help. It is why people are advised to be kind to themselves and not judge too harshly.

Being alone also reduces mental load because you are not deciphering other people's intentions. You are not involuntarily listening to conversations, or thinking about what you are doing. It is easier because you can more easily just be, instead it trying to be.

Having been diagnosed you now sort of have permission to recognise the strain you are under. So there is nothing wrong in wanting some space. It may vary day to day, by how much sleep you had, how many things you are worrying abou, etc. and is not constant.

If you do what makes you feel calm or more relaxed, if you are more able to smile or at least not feel sad, then it's good for you. Socialising is not doing you good if it is too stressful, but you do still need some contact, being a hermit or recluse has it's own problems. It is a question of balance. 

I do find I spend more and more time alone, less demands are placed on me and I’m able to recharge. It’s when life makes more sense.
Only my opinion but most autistic people aren’t pack animals, we are quite happy being the lone wolf. 

I think that there is a difference between NT and autistic people regarding how seeing other people makes us feel. According to research, most people (NT) get a hit of feel good chemicals when they see another human face, which most autistic people don't. Here is a link to the article I found about it:

https://theconversation.com/children-with-autism-shouldnt-be-forced-to-socialise-44585

So it appears to me that neurotypical people benefit from seeing any other people, but for autistic people it's slightly different. I enjoy spending some time with someone who I can share interests with, but I don't enjoy seeing most people. So I think that the approach to mental health needs to be different for autistic people.

I like spending time alone, theres a sense of mental spaciousness from not having to please others or "do things".

We're told we're a social species and spending time away from others is somehow bad and wanting to be alone is bad, I question that, I think we have differing social needs and different ways to express our socialbilty, we don't have to be surrounded by people and noise all the time, it is a choice. But, it seems a choice that those who work in the mental health field are uncomfortable with, have they never heard of being lonely in a crowd? Isn't it better to spend less, but better quality time with a few people, rather than be surrounded by groups who you may not being getting any benefit from, in fact it may do the opposite and harm you.

Spending time alone recharges me and allows me to completely be myself. I find it hard to be completely alone due to my living situation, but I shut myself away in a room or go out for a walk in the park, there is no harm in alone time as an autistic person as long as you feel mentally like it is helping. 

I find spending time alone recharges me for when I have to be around others. 

I think there's a difference between self isolation and just taking time for yourself.

I've done both but you have to be careful that self care doesn't become something else as I've got caught in that trap to.

Many of us put on a mask when around others. It's not uncommon after diagnosis to realise how exhausting doing that is. Some of us need alone time in order to regulate etc. Watching videos on your favourite things may well be your way of regulating and that is fine. If you're not finding your mental health dipping then I wouldnt worry about spending time alone. If you feel a change then you know you need to reach out to people. What you're experiencing is not unusual so try to take some comfort in that.