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Spending time alone

Touiise

Hello,

I was recently diagnosed at 30 back in January, It was a complete shock.

I've found myself wanting to spend more time alone.

Perviously wanting to spend time alone was seen as a "red flag" for my mental health dipping. I don't feel like my mental health is dipping but more that I'm just needing that time alone to just watch videos on my favourite things and relax. It's a struggle to be around people even more than pre diagnoses since I know that my brain is different to theirs.

Did anyone else experience this? I'm still not sure on how to regulate myself or to even "unmask" when I'm alone never mind around other people but l'm starting a course ran by an autism charity that l'm hoping will

Sorry for my long winded question.

Parents

  • Masking is about meeting what you think the world's expectations are. The issue is where these don't align with what you want as this causes stress. Somethings are unavoidable, e.g. even if you find clothes awkward you can't go out in public naked, but you can get softer more comfortable clothes, i.e find accommodations and mitigations.

    When you are alone you don't need to meet other people's expectations. You still have your internal rule book, and you might want to look at some of those and see if all the rules are reasonable. For me, a lot of the pressure was self-generated, easing off can really help. It is why people are advised to be kind to themselves and not judge too harshly.

    Being alone also reduces mental load because you are not deciphering other people's intentions. You are not involuntarily listening to conversations, or thinking about what you are doing. It is easier because you can more easily just be, instead it trying to be.

    Having been diagnosed you now sort of have permission to recognise the strain you are under. So there is nothing wrong in wanting some space. It may vary day to day, by how much sleep you had, how many things you are worrying abou, etc. and is not constant.

    If you do what makes you feel calm or more relaxed, if you are more able to smile or at least not feel sad, then it's good for you. Socialising is not doing you good if it is too stressful, but you do still need some contact, being a hermit or recluse has it's own problems. It is a question of balance. 

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  • Masking is about meeting what you think the world's expectations are. The issue is where these don't align with what you want as this causes stress. Somethings are unavoidable, e.g. even if you find clothes awkward you can't go out in public naked, but you can get softer more comfortable clothes, i.e find accommodations and mitigations.

    When you are alone you don't need to meet other people's expectations. You still have your internal rule book, and you might want to look at some of those and see if all the rules are reasonable. For me, a lot of the pressure was self-generated, easing off can really help. It is why people are advised to be kind to themselves and not judge too harshly.

    Being alone also reduces mental load because you are not deciphering other people's intentions. You are not involuntarily listening to conversations, or thinking about what you are doing. It is easier because you can more easily just be, instead it trying to be.

    Having been diagnosed you now sort of have permission to recognise the strain you are under. So there is nothing wrong in wanting some space. It may vary day to day, by how much sleep you had, how many things you are worrying abou, etc. and is not constant.

    If you do what makes you feel calm or more relaxed, if you are more able to smile or at least not feel sad, then it's good for you. Socialising is not doing you good if it is too stressful, but you do still need some contact, being a hermit or recluse has it's own problems. It is a question of balance. 

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