Please help I am desperate

This is a tricky situation for you. I do wish NAS would take this seriously, but everyone seems to duck the issue - British coyness or something - its young people's lives, especially those with a disability that should be paramount.

There seems to be evidence, not a great deal of case study material, that sexual confusion and ambiguity is fairly common. Let's face it, if you aren't socially connecting properly you will miss out on a lot of peer interchange that seems essential in forming sexual ideas in teenage years (however unreal it may be - its safer coming from collective knowledge, despite all the peer pressure to do things early).

There seems to be a higher propensity to be gay amongst people on the autistic spectrum - and oh dear, what happens on this forum but everyone clams up if the subject is mentioned. So young people with this dilemma have to live it in ignorance because of twee parenting? I'm talking about general reactions, I note that crazydarkside is being mature and open-minded about it - that's exceptional.

At school, young people who don't appear to be catching up with their peers on sexual awareness may be labelled "***" or "gay". There is widespread use of such phrases and a lot of studies being done (sadly more from a gay rights perspective than young people's welfare).

A young person who gets these labels and reacts to them as someone with aspergers might, by being led into the feeling they ought to be, will be further encouraged by their peers down this route, to add to the collective entertainment. They may be told myths to see their reactions.

Also you need to establish that no interference is happening - I don't mean gay behaviour, I mean ribbing that involves bullies of his age group removing his pants and humiliating him. It happens. Also they may be pushing him towards certain magazines to see if he rises to this.

He might well be gay. At 13 as I understand it, that self-identification is possible. Bit trickier though if someone has aspergers. But many young men that age start exploring the places they are told by their peers that gay men meet, such as certain waste ground areas, public conveniences etc. He really is at risk in that environment, and you need to be sure he is not doing that.

More likely he is being persuaded by peers that he needs to be able to "receive" be penetrated anally, so he will feel he has to prepare for this. Hence he is experimenting rather luridly, and may be doing himself harm. He may have a very strong need to be prepared for it, boostered by his own emerging hormones. There is a popular connection made between homosexuality and "buggery" which is not necessarily so - somehow this has got into his head that he needs to develop this capability. He needs to be reassured it isn't necessary.

Asperger worryning, negative reinforcement, and dwelling on things too long is an inevitable breeding ground for inappropriate sexual ideas. A lot of the time he is convincing himself to explore the most uncomfortable and dangerous of ideas while flogging himself over all the moral issues of it being a sin, wicked, shunned by society. If you have any idea of how the asperger mind processes weird information in comparative isolation (no peer information), you will appreciate the torment he is in.

There are a lot of websites for the weirdest of sexual imaginations including much gay material. Can he access any of this, is he doing so? Most people would be horrified by what's readily available through search engines like google. Everyone worries about child abusers, the children are quite capable of abusing themselves on the web.

And please NAS wake up to this very serious issue. NAS is too cowardly about things that do need to be better understood.

This is a tricky situation for you. I do wish NAS would take this seriously, but everyone seems to duck the issue - British coyness or something - its young people's lives, especially those with a disability that should be paramount.

There seems to be evidence, not a great deal of case study material, that sexual confusion and ambiguity is fairly common. Let's face it, if you aren't socially connecting properly you will miss out on a lot of peer interchange that seems essential in forming sexual ideas in teenage years (however unreal it may be - its safer coming from collective knowledge, despite all the peer pressure to do things early).

There seems to be a higher propensity to be gay amongst people on the autistic spectrum - and oh dear, what happens on this forum but everyone clams up if the subject is mentioned. So young people with this dilemma have to live it in ignorance because of twee parenting? I'm talking about general reactions, I note that crazydarkside is being mature and open-minded about it - that's exceptional.

At school, young people who don't appear to be catching up with their peers on sexual awareness may be labelled "***" or "gay". There is widespread use of such phrases and a lot of studies being done (sadly more from a gay rights perspective than young people's welfare).

A young person who gets these labels and reacts to them as someone with aspergers might, by being led into the feeling they ought to be, will be further encouraged by their peers down this route, to add to the collective entertainment. They may be told myths to see their reactions.

Also you need to establish that no interference is happening - I don't mean gay behaviour, I mean ribbing that involves bullies of his age group removing his pants and humiliating him. It happens. Also they may be pushing him towards certain magazines to see if he rises to this.

He might well be gay. At 13 as I understand it, that self-identification is possible. Bit trickier though if someone has aspergers. But many young men that age start exploring the places they are told by their peers that gay men meet, such as certain waste ground areas, public conveniences etc. He really is at risk in that environment, and you need to be sure he is not doing that.

More likely he is being persuaded by peers that he needs to be able to "receive" be penetrated anally, so he will feel he has to prepare for this. Hence he is experimenting rather luridly, and may be doing himself harm. He may have a very strong need to be prepared for it, boostered by his own emerging hormones. There is a popular connection made between homosexuality and "buggery" which is not necessarily so - somehow this has got into his head that he needs to develop this capability. He needs to be reassured it isn't necessary.

Asperger worryning, negative reinforcement, and dwelling on things too long is an inevitable breeding ground for inappropriate sexual ideas. A lot of the time he is convincing himself to explore the most uncomfortable and dangerous of ideas while flogging himself over all the moral issues of it being a sin, wicked, shunned by society. If you have any idea of how the asperger mind processes weird information in comparative isolation (no peer information), you will appreciate the torment he is in.

There are a lot of websites for the weirdest of sexual imaginations including much gay material. Can he access any of this, is he doing so? Most people would be horrified by what's readily available through search engines like google. Everyone worries about child abusers, the children are quite capable of abusing themselves on the web.

And please NAS wake up to this very serious issue. NAS is too cowardly about things that do need to be better understood.