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Feeling like my husband sees my diagnosis is irrelevant

Pumkinpie87

I have recently been diagnosed as an autistic and ADHD individual, all my husband has said is that I can't use my diagnosis as an excuse for anything, now every time it gets mentioned he rolls his eyes and will not let me talk about it. I am overwhelmed about my diagnosis, trying to figure out how much of my history was me masking and what I can do in the future to stop myself going through burnout. I thought he would help me find support but he shuts me out and I feel like I'm stuck. Sorry for the rant but I don't know what to do or where to find support. I also struggle with anxiety and depression, I don't know what to do.

  • Hey Pumpkinpie87, that sounds like an incredibly difficult situation, especially if you have masked with or without knowing for a long time. I cant relate to your personal situation, but know you are not on your own and there are great people here who will be able relate. I have suffered with anx and dep my whole life and since diagnosis my anxiety has started to reduce albeit slightly.

  • Good morning from America, Pumkinpie87:

    Wow, yeah, that’s a difficult situation. I also have ASD/ADHD/GAD/Depression, so I get that much, but the issue with not having any support from your spouse is something I haven’t dealt with since I was diagnosed. At first before diagnosis my wife wasn’t very supportive of it, but after getting diagnosed she finally saw the signs that pointed towards it. I can imagine that having the medical proof and still being denied any support would be excruciating.

    It sounds as if therapy might be a good option to look into if you haven’t tried that yet. My wife and I have gone through couples therapy and it helped immensely during a time of trial for us. If your husband is against that, hopefully you could at least seek out therapy for yourself.

  • in reply to Quietdude

    I hope everything works out for you Slight smile and thank you

  • That sounds like a difficult situation. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed. I don't think encountering resistance or denial is unusual when a person shares a diagnosis with family. I'm very early in this process myself and have only mentioned the possibility of a diagnosis to a couple of close family members, one of whom was immediately supportive and encouraging, whereas the other essentially dismissed it as a fad and an excuse. I don't really have advice to share, just encouragement. When speaking with the dimissive person in my family, who is someone who I do want to talk to about this stuff, I have tried to frame it a chance to unpack it together. Both of us have some preconceived ideas, assumptions, bad information etc, and I hope that by demystifying it we can close the distance between us. I also suspect that this person feels guilty about not spotting things earlier, and instead of opening up and talking about it, they are binding themselves up into a denfensive ball. Who knows. I joined this forum this morning and have found reading through the various questions/threads reassuring. I'm sure you have done the same. Do you have other people you can talk to? It's difficult to know who to share with, how they will react, and whether their opinion of you will change as a result. I also worry about over-sharing or talking too much about this, primarily because it's new and I'm trying to understand what it means, so naturally you want to talk to people you trust. Sorry that I don't have anything tangible to offer. Also, don't underestimate the benefits of a good rant.