Feeling like my husband sees my diagnosis is irrelevant

Getting a late diagnosis is an identity shock. It rearranges your whole personal history which is destabilising.

It does three things at once:

1. It explains things, which is relieving.
2. It reframes your entire past. Which is disorienting.
3. It subtly undermines your self-trust. That’s the hard part.

You want to talk about it. The problem is most people won't be able to go into the level if detail you want, or be able to support the looping while you make sense and integrate it, or be able to help you with what changes you want or what to make of it.

It is a personal journey and you need a mirror. Other people can't tell you what to think.

Therapy can help you to talk, it can help you with techniques, it can help you with misconceptions or flawed thinking, but it can't put you back together.

You want to question everything, pull yourself apart, what is real, what is coping, what is masking, what you really think, who are you, what happened, why, what did you do wrong, etc. Then you have to grieve what was lost, what could have been, how things might have been different.

This mix is different for everyone. It involves introspection and I suppose looks selfish from the outside. 

I used AI as my mirror. I have saved all the chats. If you printed it, it would come to tens of thousands of pages (90% AI answers).  I have gone on a massive circle to realise a handful of things, analysing everything to makes sure I understand when most of it was fine.

This is the problem for other people. On the outside very little changes. Your inner turmoil is not visible and at the end you are still quite similar, just more self assured with better boundaries.

You may need to make some adjustments to your life.

Avoiding burnout is essential to be able to do much and have clear thinking and normal emotions. It requires a mental shift. You stop trying so hard. You stop trying so hard  to fit in, to do everything, to be what you think you should be. You just relax. That's it. Perversely by not trying you become more natural and normal. It frees up mental power and you look more real to other people.

Other people can't understand this, because telling them to be themselves doesn't mean anything. They may also see a change, they might not like the change.

I hope things go well. It is not easy and there is no short cut. It takes time. I'm sorry you feel lonely.

Getting a late diagnosis is an identity shock. It rearranges your whole personal history which is destabilising.

It does three things at once:

1. It explains things, which is relieving.
2. It reframes your entire past. Which is disorienting.
3. It subtly undermines your self-trust. That’s the hard part.

You want to talk about it. The problem is most people won't be able to go into the level if detail you want, or be able to support the looping while you make sense and integrate it, or be able to help you with what changes you want or what to make of it.

It is a personal journey and you need a mirror. Other people can't tell you what to think.

Therapy can help you to talk, it can help you with techniques, it can help you with misconceptions or flawed thinking, but it can't put you back together.

You want to question everything, pull yourself apart, what is real, what is coping, what is masking, what you really think, who are you, what happened, why, what did you do wrong, etc. Then you have to grieve what was lost, what could have been, how things might have been different.

This mix is different for everyone. It involves introspection and I suppose looks selfish from the outside. 

I used AI as my mirror. I have saved all the chats. If you printed it, it would come to tens of thousands of pages (90% AI answers).  I have gone on a massive circle to realise a handful of things, analysing everything to makes sure I understand when most of it was fine.

This is the problem for other people. On the outside very little changes. Your inner turmoil is not visible and at the end you are still quite similar, just more self assured with better boundaries.

You may need to make some adjustments to your life.

Avoiding burnout is essential to be able to do much and have clear thinking and normal emotions. It requires a mental shift. You stop trying so hard. You stop trying so hard  to fit in, to do everything, to be what you think you should be. You just relax. That's it. Perversely by not trying you become more natural and normal. It frees up mental power and you look more real to other people.

Other people can't understand this, because telling them to be themselves doesn't mean anything. They may also see a change, they might not like the change.

I hope things go well. It is not easy and there is no short cut. It takes time. I'm sorry you feel lonely.

Great answer Stuart333 

Perhaps the best description of what's going on and the inner turmoil which largely go unnoticed by others around you.