Are autistic people nice people?

Is common decency subjective as well? 

Being 'nice' is definitely subjective, and people have different thresholds for it.

I’m just trying to understand your perspective, and I’d appreciate it if you could help me, but I completely understand if you’re not comfortable, or don't know what being nice or an Ahole means to you.

I think you are digging a little too deep into this... It isnt that subjective.  

Can you give me examples of what being a jerks looks like in comparison to being nice?

Being nice is subjective so help me to understand your idea of nice.

It depends on the autistic. Some can be nice, some can be jerks, some act like jerks but are actually nice deep inside. It's just like non autistics

To not be nice in general i suppose

Thanks for sharing this.

I think with autistic spaces, humans get away with a lot more than they would otherwise. They can be rude and not be corrected. 

Lonehare12 said:

don't know if that is my autism or just me.

This is interesting. How do you know whether your behaviour is autistic or your personality?

FitMisfit said:

A`hole

What does it mean to be an A'hole?

I've noticed that some autistic people speak very slowly and with a stammer. I have found myself lacking patience for this so I understand why people would avoid an autistic person. Even though this isn't about "niceness", it is about a difference in communication style that can be frustrating.

Thanks for sharing.

I understand every autistic person presents differently. Generally, from experience, some autistic people can learn to have a filter but refuse to change because they don't like change.

I'd welcome your ideas on this.

Interesting question. To me the answer is simple, autistic people are a cross section of society and, as with any cross section, there will be autistic people who are nice and kind and autistic people who are not. 

One thing I think many of us do have in common though is we lack the filter that NT people have, we tend to say what we think for better or worse. This can lead to us being more respected or more disliked depending on the circumstances 

Thanks for sharing.

I am sad to learn that you experienced walking into a room to find colleagues talking about you. That would have been confusing and jarring for me.

It depends how you interpret "nice" in terms of a person.

The Cambridge dictionary defines it as "kind, friendly or polite".

I don't have any friends in real life who I know have a formal diagnosis of autism, but the two I am closest to have both scored fairly high on the AQ50 and I believe are both on the spectrum. Plus I read posts on here by autistic people and I think I get an idea from that what they're like.

So I would say that the people on the spectrum that I have observed are:

Polite, unless stressed and undergoing a meltdown or shutdown.

Friendly, unless they are struggling with communication (they have often been bullied or rejected at some point, and so understand how important it is to try to make others feel comfortable)

Kind - there seems to be a lot of emotional empathy and concern for the wellbeing of others in my experience.

Of course, sometimes these qualities will not be seen by others. One time when I was working, I walked into a room where two colleagues were talking about someone, and one of them was describing the person as kind. When I asked who they were talking about, I was quite surprised when the answer was "you".

You might note that autistic people are significantly over represented in the prison population. There may be some reasons for that, but it doesn't seem likely they are all nice.

Being autistic is a collection of challenges and a spiky profile. Background, lifestyle, environment, etc. shape you too.

You are not defined by autism or separate from NT people. I know people with ASD, with other ND conditions, NT people. I get along, or don't get along, with people independent of neuro type.

What is more important is compatible temperament. Inconsistent people with wild mood swings and unpredictable behaviour are a problem as it prevents modelling and causes a threat response. This also applies to oneself, as this makes it hard for others too.

Self-regulation, politeness, effective communication and toned-down defensiveness, plus shared interests, are what matter.

Autistic people bring their own perspective, same as anyone. The more you do, read, see, think and experience, the more you have to say. First hand experience trumps what you read or see online, which is why doing things matters, even if it is growing plants on your window ledge, painting pictures of the seasons looking out your window. It is not money but observation and imagination that are the commodity. Then all you need is the confidence to speak up. 

Autism can provide a richer perspective based upon different sensory input, greater introspection and consideration. But it depends on whether you cultivate it or embrace it.

Your original post seemed very “othering” to autistic people as a group. I was trying to point out that friendship depends more on whether individuals connect as people rather than on the basis of their neuro status.

I would be very surprised if you could find a one size fits all approach to the concept of friendship.

Hi JMD 

Could you clarify what you mean by “took your neuro typical lens off”?

I want to understand whether this comment is directed at me specifically, or whether you’re making a more general point. I’m also unclear whether you’re assuming that someone in this thread is neurotypical.

I would prefer if the discussion in this thread focuses on ideas rather than assumptions about individuals, and I’m open to clarification if you’re willing to share it. 

I think it really depends on the person themself 

Maybe if you took your neuro typical lens off you could look at people as people and just find the ones you connect with and leave the ones you don’t?

Great question.!!

I only have a little experience of making friends within autistic spaces, organised groups etc. I'll rephrase that.. trying to make friends!!

So far the space feels more relaxed and gentle, people seem more considerate and respectful. 

In turn this atmosphere gives me a little more confidence and general ease, which is new for me.

Speaking about myself I would say I am very kind gentle and considerate with other people, but I don't know if that is my autism or just me.