Haircuts! Why are the small things so hard?

I completely get this as someone who struggles to go to the hairdresser and hasn't been in 6 years. 

I had one were I used to live in England, and we moved the town over and I kept going as I was comfortable there. Then we moved to Scotland. I managed to try one after a year, but I tried to go too short and my sister told me not to do that again and I was mortified. So over a year later, I went to someone different but they barely cut anything and I didn't know how to say it wasn't what I wanted so was too hard to go back. Then it was the pandemic and I was kind of glad it normalised not going and cutting your own hair. But that didn't last of course, and I've tried phoning other places but was told that weren't taking clients (I think they didn't like the sound of me and I was trying to get my kids a haircut), and years later I couldn't even get through. I wasn't strong enough to try again this year. 

Now with the diagnosis, my husband says he can call for me (I struggle with phonecalls), but I need to find somewhere I want him to try, as I have to like the look of the place on street view. And hopefully get the kids in too as my son currently only lets me cut his, but he's going to high school next year and I want to give him a chance at not looking like his mum does his hair. And my daughter is 8 and never been so I want to show her it's okay. 

It's so so hard isn't it. Can you get someone to give you a trim till your regular person can do it? Or maybe get someone to help make an appointment/ go with you to help?  It's a real genuine struggle!

As a former hairdresser I can honestly say I'm appalled at the way some hairdressers are so bad, they don't listen and do what they want rather than what I've asked for and I can speak thier language!

EP, if you want a short cut, how about getting a set of clippers and doing it yourself? Good ones will have combs that come in a range of lenghts, basically 1mm per comb, the comb is the bit that fits over the clippers.  Theres s set on amazon for £21 that go up to 25mm and down as far as 1mm if you want to go full on skin head, they're whal ones and thats the make most professionals use..

Maybe it would also be an option for your kids CW? As for yourself or anyone looking for a hairdresser, I'd go in the salon and look at the stylists if they all have the same or a very similar style you can be pretty sure that you will get that style too. It's a good idea to have a look at some styles so as you can show them somethings you like, not all may suit your hair or how much time you want to spend on it of a morning. Maybe your husband could go with you, have a chat with them before booking an appointment, many hairdressers will have seen bad haircuts and have clients who have had something done that wasn't what they asked for.

My wording may have been confusing. Although I don't like it getting long. It isn't short short so would not be simple to do at home.

Hairdressers not listening is one of my big concerns with going to someone new.

There are so many elements that I dislike. I don't particularly like being touched or people in my space so that is a problem to start with but as you say there isn't much that can be done about that. This may sound awful and judgemental but I really don't mean it this way - one person that has cut my hair was a larger lady and I found this particularly challenging as it really felt she was in my space in every way. Obviously not something she could do anything about and not a judgment of her but something I'm aware is more difficult for me.

I definitely dislike the shampooing etc. It feels painful when they wash my hair and massage the scalp. People dont tend to want to dry cut my hair as it's curly. The most recent used a spray bottle which was better but I don't know whether a salon would do this.

I struggle with them talking to me. This is a problem with the person that usually does it. She chats whether I respond or not. I would prefer to sit in silence but struggle to communicate this.

I also worry about them cutting it correctly. I have found some people don't understand curly hair. They don't understand how much it jumps up once dry which has led to some dodgy hair cuts. This has left me with anxiety about having too much off but is also frustrating when they don't take enough off. This is a particular problem at the moment as I have gone over. This would make me worry about going to a trainee as some experienced hairdressers have got that so wrong.

I also worry about people not listening to me. I dont like it being styled. I just want them to cut it. I have previously had over enthusiastic hairdressers that have felt the need to style it how they want which I do not like at all. I don't want it to look different. When I voiced this to one they responded "well that's why people go to the hairdressers isn't it, to be pushed out of their comfort zone" and went ahead and did it anyway. "No I go to the hairdresser's to get my hair cut. End of story". Safe to say I never returned to that person.

This is part of why I'm finding it so difficult to contact a new salon. It is so much to explain, I'd struggle to do that face to face. I'd rather be able to message or email but I'm not finding many that have this function.

That's great advice, I will look into the training salon as I don't have anywhere I go anyway. 

My son is tricky, he doesn't like razors and has it fairly long for a boy so I have to cut with scissors. When he was small he did go to the barber with my husband but decided they cut it too short for his liking. I thought taking him to a more female/unisex salon might work, if I had somewhere to take him. 

But non of us had a diagnosis before. Now I finally understand our sensory issues, as well as the social issues. Maybe it won't feel so impossible as I have language now to talk about it.

And it's reassuring to find there are other people who find it difficult too. Everyone seems to love going so it makes your feel weird when you don't.

Thats one reason why I think it's important to have a personal recomendation or a consultation where you can explain your needs and fears.

It is an odd situation, it's intimate, but fully clothed, it may help if you can break down what you dislike about the experience? Is it having your hair shampooed, or having it sprayed down, the finishing process of drying and tweeking? I know a lot of people find the proximity and being touched difficult, but there's not a lot anyone can do about that. If you dislike being shampooed or sprayed down, you could ask for a dry cut.

One of the things that both you and CinnebarWing could try is a training salon at your local college, now take a deep breath and sit back down as I can hear the panic as I'm typing. You would have a trainee as your hairdresser, but as they are a trainee they will be being trained in best practice, they will be overseen by a teacher who will check and monitor thier work, a college may also be more aware of special needs and accomodations. 

I used to go to the training salon before I ever thought about it as a career choice, I just became fascinated by it. A cut will take longer as they're still learning and they have to get everything they do checked by their supervisor, it's also cheaper too. The other thing is on the rare occaison something might go wrong and this is something I've never experinced, someone better trained will be there to help sort it out, they won't be in a huff or anything with you, but upset that you've had a bad time and want to put it right. But most of the time, it's all ok just takes a bit longer and costs less.

Thats one reason why I think it's important to have a personal recomendation or a consultation where you can explain your needs and fears.

It is an odd situation, it's intimate, but fully clothed, it may help if you can break down what you dislike about the experience? Is it having your hair shampooed, or having it sprayed down, the finishing process of drying and tweeking? I know a lot of people find the proximity and being touched difficult, but there's not a lot anyone can do about that. If you dislike being shampooed or sprayed down, you could ask for a dry cut.

One of the things that both you and CinnebarWing could try is a training salon at your local college, now take a deep breath and sit back down as I can hear the panic as I'm typing. You would have a trainee as your hairdresser, but as they are a trainee they will be being trained in best practice, they will be overseen by a teacher who will check and monitor thier work, a college may also be more aware of special needs and accomodations. 

I used to go to the training salon before I ever thought about it as a career choice, I just became fascinated by it. A cut will take longer as they're still learning and they have to get everything they do checked by their supervisor, it's also cheaper too. The other thing is on the rare occaison something might go wrong and this is something I've never experinced, someone better trained will be there to help sort it out, they won't be in a huff or anything with you, but upset that you've had a bad time and want to put it right. But most of the time, it's all ok just takes a bit longer and costs less.

There are so many elements that I dislike. I don't particularly like being touched or people in my space so that is a problem to start with but as you say there isn't much that can be done about that. This may sound awful and judgemental but I really don't mean it this way - one person that has cut my hair was a larger lady and I found this particularly challenging as it really felt she was in my space in every way. Obviously not something she could do anything about and not a judgment of her but something I'm aware is more difficult for me.

I definitely dislike the shampooing etc. It feels painful when they wash my hair and massage the scalp. People dont tend to want to dry cut my hair as it's curly. The most recent used a spray bottle which was better but I don't know whether a salon would do this.

I struggle with them talking to me. This is a problem with the person that usually does it. She chats whether I respond or not. I would prefer to sit in silence but struggle to communicate this.

I also worry about them cutting it correctly. I have found some people don't understand curly hair. They don't understand how much it jumps up once dry which has led to some dodgy hair cuts. This has left me with anxiety about having too much off but is also frustrating when they don't take enough off. This is a particular problem at the moment as I have gone over. This would make me worry about going to a trainee as some experienced hairdressers have got that so wrong.

I also worry about people not listening to me. I dont like it being styled. I just want them to cut it. I have previously had over enthusiastic hairdressers that have felt the need to style it how they want which I do not like at all. I don't want it to look different. When I voiced this to one they responded "well that's why people go to the hairdressers isn't it, to be pushed out of their comfort zone" and went ahead and did it anyway. "No I go to the hairdresser's to get my hair cut. End of story". Safe to say I never returned to that person.

This is part of why I'm finding it so difficult to contact a new salon. It is so much to explain, I'd struggle to do that face to face. I'd rather be able to message or email but I'm not finding many that have this function.

That's great advice, I will look into the training salon as I don't have anywhere I go anyway. 

My son is tricky, he doesn't like razors and has it fairly long for a boy so I have to cut with scissors. When he was small he did go to the barber with my husband but decided they cut it too short for his liking. I thought taking him to a more female/unisex salon might work, if I had somewhere to take him. 

But non of us had a diagnosis before. Now I finally understand our sensory issues, as well as the social issues. Maybe it won't feel so impossible as I have language now to talk about it.

And it's reassuring to find there are other people who find it difficult too. Everyone seems to love going so it makes your feel weird when you don't.