Neurotypical unremembering

 Martin  Thanks for this - explaining an invisible disability to someone without it - what could go wrong?! Ha ha

Good effort 

One day I’ll probably ask all of you what you think about my communication style – feedback is gold and I have problems at my volunteering workplace.                      But first I need to slow my racing thoughts. Maybe more hiking, and learning to enjoy quiet, even with other people. Hiking in silence with a group!” 

we can help each other

I rush a lot, true, it is very helpful to read your feedback! Thanks!!!!

thank you, im not the best communicator, and i tend to rush my thoughts also 

I am sorry, what I wrote was not clear, I mean that the diagnosis helped me a lot (and maybe I should not diagnose people in my head! This is happening since the diagnosis. I am constantly trying to figure out who is NT and who is ND - why is that?) and I remember myself being cruel to my problems Best of luck to you NeuroDiverse_Goose 

mmh im still on an assment wait list myself it can take a while just hope i dont get worser in thr meatime

also like sometimes undiagnosed ND can be very cruel 

I was recommended a good book in therapy about this. Opening up by writing it down. Perhaps some therapy by burning it too…

i found writting bad things in a book then tearing out that page and ripping it up helps a bit, not sure how that works though

Martin said:

there is no facility for allistics to experience even the ghost of some of the problems an autistic person might have.

I really like a story very slightly connected to this. (I made the connection ) We have a new high-end building in town, a museum, and a lot of architects are not very happy with how and where it was designed. One of them said that when he enters, he feels dizzy. I like to remember that, because I feel dizzy there too, but I read it as autistic joy that I can sense space this much and it feels funny. I mean that allistics maybe have a hard time also with understanding our joys.

So, everytime I go out I get pushed and shoved and shouted at. Its as though they don't follow the (human decency) highway code. They think they are important, they want to be seen as important and successful and weathy, to each other. They view each other as a team, from which 'we' are excluded, this is not how a team works in my eyes. We are all human, the born into the internet generation seen to have dropped their moral compass. 

I think it also gets harder as you get older and set in your ways, although I'm not entirely sure thats a bad thing, it's just how you've always done things and all of a suddent you're expected to change.

I think some people are just convinced they're right, it dosen't matter if who's NT or ND, some people just want everything their own way and will brook no challenge or change, I think this especially effects new relationships.

I think another problem is to many people see compromise as losing, rather than everyone giving up a little of what they want so that everyone has most of what they want. I've been in situations where I've agreed to somethig as part of a compromise, but when it comes to them fulfilling thier part they point blank refuse, get confrontational and say they never intended to what I wanted, they just wanted me to do what they wanted. It's made me very wary of agreeing to any compromise at all now.

It is exactly the same as if someone who is blind or profoundly deaf tries to describe their difficulties to someone without their disability, but more so. The average neurotypical has no reference point for autistic problems. Anyone can close their eyes or put their fingers in their ears and try to imagine what it would be like not to have these senses, but there is no facility for allistics to experience even the ghost of some of the problems an autistic person might have. In the best case we might get some level of sympathy, but actual understanding is extremely unlikely.

i can relate i retain a name i heard in halfords 4 years ago and i dont even know why nor do i understand how to unlearn it

There's something similar that happens with my wife I think. When I communicate something that I struggle with, if it is something that she does, it can be taken as a personal attack and a demand that the thing stops right away. I will often react like that to what I perceive as criticism too, even if the other person is just genuinely communicating a need, with no blame attached.

It's such a tightrope when ND and NT couples communicate. Both have such instinctive and baked in ways of doing it that it is very hard to understand a different approach. I think the issue is that the onus has always been on us to adapt to the NT world, which, as we know, you can't do forever!

I was wondering if it might not have been down to timing then of when you brought it up - people can get very aggressive over anything connected to an addiction of theirs. 

If you are having to deal with smoking in the house it's really unfair, as it's not just horrible smell there is real health risk from second hand smoke. I feel for you trying to deal with it.

 McFrost  I opened up about my sensory processing issues around cooking dinner (for them) which was ok so  next day  when i got overwhemed with tobacco smoke in the house i thought it would be safe to mention it, but sadly this was perceived as a slight.

Oh yes, I relate to that, I was once told that I had '..my "turn" yesterday and today was someone elses turn'. The stupidity of peole especially NT's never fails to stun me and leaves me feeling WTF so often