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Neurotypical unremembering

JAX43

Last night i opened up and admitted how difficult i find things, last night i was reassured and offered support. Today i open up some more, today i am shouted at and accused of being demanding. Anyone relate?

Parents

  • I guess you need to give them time to process what you have already said, before moving on to the next thing. I imagine once you had opened up, your mind was in overdrive thinking of all the things that you didn't say and, fresh from the catharsis of saying what you had already said, you wanted to get these other things off your chest too?

  • in reply to McFrost

       I opened up about my sensory processing issues around cooking dinner (for them) which was ok so  next day  when i got overwhemed with tobacco smoke in the house i thought it would be safe to mention it, but sadly this was perceived as a slight.

Reply Children
  • in reply to McFrost

    I think it also gets harder as you get older and set in your ways, although I'm not entirely sure thats a bad thing, it's just how you've always done things and all of a suddent you're expected to change.

    I think some people are just convinced they're right, it dosen't matter if who's NT or ND, some people just want everything their own way and will brook no challenge or change, I think this especially effects new relationships.

    I think another problem is to many people see compromise as losing, rather than everyone giving up a little of what they want so that everyone has most of what they want. I've been in situations where I've agreed to somethig as part of a compromise, but when it comes to them fulfilling thier part they point blank refuse, get confrontational and say they never intended to what I wanted, they just wanted me to do what they wanted. It's made me very wary of agreeing to any compromise at all now.

  • in reply to JAX43

    There's something similar that happens with my wife I think. When I communicate something that I struggle with, if it is something that she does, it can be taken as a personal attack and a demand that the thing stops right away. I will often react like that to what I perceive as criticism too, even if the other person is just genuinely communicating a need, with no blame attached.

    It's such a tightrope when ND and NT couples communicate. Both have such instinctive and baked in ways of doing it that it is very hard to understand a different approach. I think the issue is that the onus has always been on us to adapt to the NT world, which, as we know, you can't do forever!

  • in reply to JAX43

    I was wondering if it might not have been down to timing then of when you brought it up - people can get very aggressive over anything connected to an addiction of theirs. 

    If you are having to deal with smoking in the house it's really unfair, as it's not just horrible smell there is real health risk from second hand smoke. I feel for you trying to deal with it.