Other people's noise

Because they're selfish unthinking, uncaring bottom holes who believe they have rights, but never stop to consider that so do other people or that with rights come responsibilites.

I know that like me, you don’t really hate all people, but I don’t think I can bring myself to say I hate people,  even when it is being used as a technique to cope. It’s probably because I believe I should “love” all people, although that doesn’t mean I have to “like” them. It is just something that has stayed with me following a Christian upbringing, although I’m not a Christian any more. Also, at times my feelings for people have become hatred, generally when I see them inflicting harm, so I don’t need any encouragement in that department!

Cinnabar_wing said:

I mean, they say the definition of autism is 'in your own world', though I am convinced that people like that only ever think about themselves and very much live on their own planets.

That is what I think too. 

When I am out and come in contact with people like this, I say to myself 'I hate people'.

I don't hate all people, but by generalising the rude antisocial behaviour, it helps distance myself from that specific incident so i don't get too upset by it. Pattern recognition helps identify the type. They are often the first to complain about others infringing on them too.

I mean, they say the definition of autism is 'in your own world', though I am convinced that people like that only ever think about themselves and very much live on their own planets.

McFrost said:

although you definitely have to be in the right frame of mind for it

Yes, that is what I would think too, but I would love it if somebody could do this. If the results were to make the main news channels, it might even get people thinking about their impact.

Calling all social anthropologists …or would it be social psychologists?

It would be really interesting to know what the thought process (or lack of one) is behind this sort of behaviour. As a child you are far less conscious of how your behaviour impacts others, so of course many kids are noisy in public and we generally accept that up to a certain point. When we mature though, most of us tend to grow out of it. I was very self conscious as a teenager so my motivation for not being noisy then, was not wanting to draw attention to myself. While there is still an element of that, I also know it's important that we consider others when in public because if we all just did what the hell we wanted, wherever and whenever we want, it would be awful. So what is different about a person who will happily flout this social contract? Do they not know that it exists? Do they know, but disagree with it? Do they know, are happy for others to adhere to it but have a sort of narcissistic idea that it doesn't apply to them? Or do they just not give a *** either way, never think about it, couldn't really comprehend it if they tried?

It would make a fascinating research study, if one hasn't already been done. Although it might be hard getting such people to take part.

Thinking about it now, I do find this sort of anthropological curiosity can be helpful when faced with bad behaviour. It's kind of taking a more observational approach to the behaviours and trying to suss out where they come from. It can remove you from the frustration of the immediate situation, although you definitely have to be in the right frame of mind for it.

B said:

I don't understand why people behave like this and impose themselves and their noise on others

Exactly! Why should we be forced to listen to other people’s noise?

I’ve also noticed more people cycling with their music playing out loud. That wouldn’t have happened ten years ago at the places I go to. 

Is it because people think it is their right to do these things so that is all that matters? Or is it selfishness/being unaware/look after yourself first/inconsideration/culture? 

I thought good manners meant making sure my actions don’t cause inconvenience to others and putting them first in many situations. E.g., If I do something, what impact will that have on someone else? 

Thanks everyone.

I've found reading through this interesting and reassuring in that I didn't do anything to stop the noise and I'm not the only one who would have responded in that way.

When I'm sure something is wrong I can be assertive but that situation left me confused.

I thought that if someone is doing it, then perhaps it's socially acceptable now and it's me who is bothered so I should just try to get out of the situation.

I asked someone who is NT and he said that it would have bothered him too. He was adamant that they were in the wrong and that he would have said something, so another time I might be more sure.

I don't understand why people behave like this and impose themselves and their noise on others, but then I don't think I will ever understand people.

People talk out loud to phones nowadays too ie on loud speaker and it makes me feel violent although I obviously don't actually pick up their phone and smash it as I'd like to.

What is it with men who can see you're busy and sometimes at work, doing a responsible job and think it's OK to try and engage you in conversation and then shout at you when you concentrate on your job or just want to get on with your life?

I hope you get nicer neighbours this time.

That's a good option if it is possible. Our doctors surgery has a large entrance with seats and you can see the board to say when it is your turn. I wait out there now if it is busy.

That's the reason I never sit in waiting rooms, anywhere! Just tell a receptionist it's unbearable/overwhelming and ask them to call you when your No. comes up, - obviously, it depends on the set up, but don't go too far away...

 Your experience at the dentist was horrendous and that man sounds like he was a bully.

TheCatWoman said:

I can't see busy hospitals having the time or space to have a quiet space and people would abuse that like they used to on quiet carriages on trains where mobile phones were forbidden, they'd come in and take thier calls as it was quieter

Yes, I think it would be at the bottom of a very long list.

There wouldn’t be a suitable area for a quiet space at the hospital I was at. It was at the minor injuries area of the emergency department and it was like going downstairs into a dungeon with people crammed together. Upstairs in the majors area trolleys were lining the corridor. The last statistics I saw on UK hospitals showed it had the worst waiting times of over 24 hours, and the news reported that an older person died in the corridor while people walked by, so there was no dignity. Given that, there is no way the hospital would allocate further funds for a pager system or staff to fetch people who can’t manage with noisy and crowded waiting areas. 

Yes I get that too sometimes. :( 

Even in my village when I was helping all the school children cross a road as I was a volunteer parent helper, one of the men who live there too tried to talk to me, but I was kind of busy with the road and watching the kids and he started shouting at me in front of everyone for not replying to him.  

It's not nice is it. Thankfully I saw that house is on sale now.

Yeah well the worlds full of nasty human beings and somehow I seem to attract them, I don't know why or how. Were someone else would be asked if they're OK and be treated with sympathy, I get shouted at and have people being aggressive and nasty, especially men.

It reminds me of people with noise on trains. Lots of people these days talk on phones hands free which I find very confusing if they come up behind me. 

I think in places like waiting rooms and public transport people should use headphones/ear buds. My son listens to things on his phone when he is out, but always with ear buds so the sound doesn't annoy anyone else.

I did think of another possible response. If you stopped masking and had really obviously autistic stims start, like rocking and humming to yourself. They might move pretty quickly then. (If you need to regulate because of the noise, you need to regulate!)

Anyway, I hope you have recovered a little today, it didn't sound like a good day yesterday.

That's awful, I mean being aggressive to someone who's visably scared! What a nasty human being. I think that would have stuck in his child's mind more so.

I can't see busy hospitals having the time or space to have a quiet space and people would abuse that like they used to on quiet carriages on trains where mobile phones were forbidden, they'd come in and take thier calls as it was quieter.

I would probably either end up in a confrontation or leaving without treatment, I'd be less likely to have a meltdown with a confrontation, or it would be a different sort of meltdown. Or I'd end up doing both, as happened when I was at the dentists a couple of years ago, really frightened and on high alert and this bloke started having a go at me for being visably scared as he didn't want his son to be scared of dentists. I never went back to that practice and if the bloke had come after me I probably would of hit him, it would of been an automatic PTSD related response to being under threat.

It means what help or support you require to be able to access a service. Of course this is unique to each of us. Quiet space at the GP, blue badge for parking, sound proofed bedroom at home are some examples of adjustments I have asked for.  

Thank you everyone.

My day went from bad to worse so the awful woman ended up a minor incident.

Anyway, I will reply when my spoons are replenished.

I can't use ear buds or head phones because of PTSD, I've also heard that noise cancelling head phones don't block the human voice as much as they do background noise, I think that would be the worst of all worlds.