Other people's noise

Thanks everyone.

I've found reading through this interesting and reassuring in that I didn't do anything to stop the noise and I'm not the only one who would have responded in that way.

When I'm sure something is wrong I can be assertive but that situation left me confused.

I thought that if someone is doing it, then perhaps it's socially acceptable now and it's me who is bothered so I should just try to get out of the situation.

I asked someone who is NT and he said that it would have bothered him too. He was adamant that they were in the wrong and that he would have said something, so another time I might be more sure.

I don't understand why people behave like this and impose themselves and their noise on others, but then I don't think I will ever understand people.

People talk out loud to phones nowadays too ie on loud speaker and it makes me feel violent although I obviously don't actually pick up their phone and smash it as I'd like to.

B said:

I don't understand why people behave like this and impose themselves and their noise on others

Exactly! Why should we be forced to listen to other people’s noise?

I’ve also noticed more people cycling with their music playing out loud. That wouldn’t have happened ten years ago at the places I go to. 

Is it because people think it is their right to do these things so that is all that matters? Or is it selfishness/being unaware/look after yourself first/inconsideration/culture? 

I thought good manners meant making sure my actions don’t cause inconvenience to others and putting them first in many situations. E.g., If I do something, what impact will that have on someone else? 

B said:

I don't understand why people behave like this and impose themselves and their noise on others

Exactly! Why should we be forced to listen to other people’s noise?

I’ve also noticed more people cycling with their music playing out loud. That wouldn’t have happened ten years ago at the places I go to. 

Is it because people think it is their right to do these things so that is all that matters? Or is it selfishness/being unaware/look after yourself first/inconsideration/culture? 

I thought good manners meant making sure my actions don’t cause inconvenience to others and putting them first in many situations. E.g., If I do something, what impact will that have on someone else? 

I know that like me, you don’t really hate all people, but I don’t think I can bring myself to say I hate people,  even when it is being used as a technique to cope. It’s probably because I believe I should “love” all people, although that doesn’t mean I have to “like” them. It is just something that has stayed with me following a Christian upbringing, although I’m not a Christian any more. Also, at times my feelings for people have become hatred, generally when I see them inflicting harm, so I don’t need any encouragement in that department!

Cinnabar_wing said:

I mean, they say the definition of autism is 'in your own world', though I am convinced that people like that only ever think about themselves and very much live on their own planets.

That is what I think too. 

When I am out and come in contact with people like this, I say to myself 'I hate people'.

I don't hate all people, but by generalising the rude antisocial behaviour, it helps distance myself from that specific incident so i don't get too upset by it. Pattern recognition helps identify the type. They are often the first to complain about others infringing on them too.

I mean, they say the definition of autism is 'in your own world', though I am convinced that people like that only ever think about themselves and very much live on their own planets.

McFrost said:

although you definitely have to be in the right frame of mind for it

Yes, that is what I would think too, but I would love it if somebody could do this. If the results were to make the main news channels, it might even get people thinking about their impact.

Calling all social anthropologists …or would it be social psychologists?

It would be really interesting to know what the thought process (or lack of one) is behind this sort of behaviour. As a child you are far less conscious of how your behaviour impacts others, so of course many kids are noisy in public and we generally accept that up to a certain point. When we mature though, most of us tend to grow out of it. I was very self conscious as a teenager so my motivation for not being noisy then, was not wanting to draw attention to myself. While there is still an element of that, I also know it's important that we consider others when in public because if we all just did what the hell we wanted, wherever and whenever we want, it would be awful. So what is different about a person who will happily flout this social contract? Do they not know that it exists? Do they know, but disagree with it? Do they know, are happy for others to adhere to it but have a sort of narcissistic idea that it doesn't apply to them? Or do they just not give a *** either way, never think about it, couldn't really comprehend it if they tried?

It would make a fascinating research study, if one hasn't already been done. Although it might be hard getting such people to take part.

Thinking about it now, I do find this sort of anthropological curiosity can be helpful when faced with bad behaviour. It's kind of taking a more observational approach to the behaviours and trying to suss out where they come from. It can remove you from the frustration of the immediate situation, although you definitely have to be in the right frame of mind for it.