Harassment

That’s a good way of handling it, I think setting them early on is definitely the way forwards and just standing firm. 

Well there we go, I think one of them has realised and disappeared - hopefully they will leave me alone now as it has caused me extreme distress over the past year or so while I was trying to heal. That’s a positive start to the new year  

I think Stuart is right with 

Stuart333 said:

If they see you are uncomfortable they assume you have a secret, so they are curious.

My go-to when I don’t want to open up to people is “grey-rocking.” Make yourself as uninteresting as possible. When asked questions answer with simple yes/no responses. As others have said, always let them know that you don’t want to discuss certain things further, but try not to make it seem like you are holding something back. 

Stuart333 said:

"I'd rather not talk about it."

Is a good go-to. Or “That’s not something I’m interested in talking about” could work too.

Being uninteresting makes you less of a target for people prying into your business.

You could see if it's pure noisiness or an awkward attempt to start a friendship, but turning the questions back on her, and asking things like is she married and how long etc? That was you remain polite and open to making a friend without being walled off.

It's a great question and something I have struggled with. I set my boundaries right from the start. When I meet people I let them know I am a private person and if they ask a question I do not want to answer I will tell them I prefer not to say. You cannot stop people asking questions because you are not in control of their behaviour. You can teach people how to treat you. You can control how much you share with people. From my experience, I like to redirect the topic and let people know what I am comfortable discussing.

I have quite a hard exterior irl contrarily I’m also really friendly with people I know, I suppose there was a long time where I might tell a lot of things to strangers. I’m much more aware of when I’m doing this now and who to trust. You have to think of everything like business it’s your business only and it has value. You have to close all of the inner circles to only the people you trust or love. No one can force their way in unless you let them, not getting over excited is a big thing for me. I have got much better at not letting people read my eyes. 

more generally (going out) It’s like the wolf at the door, you have to make yourself feel secure, headphones clothes, blinds darks sunglasses whatever gets you through it. I struggle with this and people belittle it me every day (or attempting to) particularly young men. It’s how much you let it bother you days or doesn’t bother you they will see this and not see any opportunity to go through you. So in short that your own knowledge is what will stop people overly reading your body language, but you also need to work on your self discipline about the levels of divulgence and also how present you are in situations if at all.

That sounds like quite a sensible way of dealing with it actually. Thank you ️

Its a difficult one, some people feel they have the right to ask and that you have to tell them, they're like a machine gun with their barrage of questions. Tell her you are choosing not to answer and that you're a private person, if she persists then ask her what she feels is the difference between privacy and secrecy?

I think there’s a difference when it’s family or a partner being nosy that can be annoying for sure but you know where you stand with them still , if it’s a colleague that you haven’t known for very long and they seem to be digging I think that crosses a different sort of boundary 

OK, perhaps something here might be more appropriate? Although I am having fun imagining your colleagues reactions!

https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-Nosy-Coworkers

My family is very nosy. I just tell them I won't talk about this topic. They try their tricks to make me talk. But there is silence. Then if they ask me if I hear, I answer with a flat face "yes, I do. But you can't hear, I already said that I won't talk about it". Silence works for me. It's not easy at all. But this way I win even my very very nosy mom.

People at work are also curious but not so pushy.

If they see you are uncomfortable they assume you have a secret, so they are curious.

Or they are just interested in getting to know you. It depends on the type of question.

You can just say, "I'd rather not talk about it."

 hahaha I’m trying to thing of a response that won’t have me in HR out of my terms 

I swing a doggy poo bag that isn’t always filled with poo.

I have responded to nosy questions by saying, “it’s private/my business/a secret” and for a stronger response,  “What’s with the questions? Back off!” 

Some people who are persistent need a direct and blunt resoonse such as, “Mind your own knitting/business”

Another response that works well without offending if it is said with a smile is, “If I told you I’d have to kill you”. The ‘kill’ isn’t meant literally, but the phrase often stops people in their tracks without causing offence.

It depends on the context of the discussion. If it’s at work then you maybe able to claim it’s harassment and escalate. Tell your boss or HR. 

What if they are people you work with so can’t escape from? 

tell them politely that you want to keep certain details private or change the discussion topic. If they don’t take the hint, then I’d be the type to say blunty. I wouldn’t worry about offending at this rate as they’re clearly too nosey and intrusive and wouldn’t want those people around me anyway.