a game of social dynamics chess

I believe we as autistic people have a great advantage when we ask questions. I refuse to let anyone despise me if I ask a question, because I realise my questions for clarity actually helps the NTs with clarification for themselves. It benefits all parties. If someone gives me a funny look, I will directly confront them on it now. There are so many people, NTs and NDs alike who pretend they know when they don't, and it hurts everyone in long term. Questions are essential. As a child, we all ask questions, and then we get that burned out of us as we get older.

Right about adapting yes, but the majority also need to improve their own awareness of how others might interpret their behaviours. Other marginal groups have rights when they disclose how they self identify at interview. I can say I now consider autism a disability but as not enough is known or taken on board by employers it’s likely to spook them or go against our favour. My issue is partly about how money is being made as it is often born out of the detriment caused to others. I asked a sibling who is professional and has adhd she told me not to disclose it. 

pietro_21 said:

Everyone needs to open their eyes to what is going on

I would say that most people see what is going on but don't see it as the problem. If you think that the 0.6% of the workforce who are autistic probably only have a smallish percentage who find the rules hard to live with then we are talking about 1 person in a 1,000 who is suffering because of this. 

In real terms this is statistically insignificant the the management so they will ignore it - there is no shortage of other people to replace you who are not autistic.

In reality we have no power to demand changes, not many rights to exercise to try to get adjustments and little personal capacity to cope with the stresses all this causes.

Adding all this up, if we want to work we need to be the ones adapting because it is in our interests. We can continue to push for reform in labour laws but I suspect that is actually going to go backwards soon.

I see it as a matter of survival. Adapt of fail. There is no knight in shining armour who will ride in and fix it all for us so we have to look out for ourselves.

I get where you are coming from with your frustrations - I have been there in the past and feel your pain.

The work place is rigged. I’m a civil and reasonable person Iain. I do have quite a scientific point of view which I would like to share insights of my experience work others. 

the questions which lost me me jobs were not always the same, if I am truly realistic I can see these were never really openings at all and those employers went to all lengths not to let me know anything about the business (which is unfortunate when it was my job to know) and also on some cases not pay me when the work was carried out as per description.

i have learned several things, the most obvious being that there are time wasters and also people who want an easy life. Which means from my perspective that I have to keep things simple - for them. 

I am finding it really difficult at the moment because my life has been seriously impacted by their behaviour. I have professional qualifications and degrees and work hard but teams of young men sometimes female managers go out of the not to employ me. So wherever o am they limit me.

Everyone needs to open their eyes to what is going on as it will affect many of their children as well.  I have had people get up and walk out of my interviews before I have spoken. 
To be a ‘team player’ I shouldn’t need to behave like an aggressive ignorant pig. It’s unprofessional, it’s widespread,

pietro_21 said:

I must have lost 10+ jobs asking very simple questions which could not be answered.

Can I ask why, in light of the fact that you know asking these questions will probably lose you your job, do you keep asking them? Track record shows this is a very bad idea.

pietro_21 said:

I compare it a bit to playing a game with a smart 5 year old child. They don’t like losing

They normally hold the power (as far as employment goes) so sometimes it helps to let them win. You gain nothing from your approach but have a lot to lose.

pietro_21 said:

I realised a while ago that simply engaging in the workplace is also putting myself at a disadvantage

I think it is healthier to consider that learning the rules and following them is a much safer approach. 

The workplace is setup for the 99.4% of workers who are not autistic (assuming 3% of people are autistic and only 20% work) which seems reasonable - we are the outsiders trying to gain access to this when we want a job so learning the rules that govern the vast majority is a more reliable approach than expecting all of them to adapt to us.

Yes it sucks, but if you need to pay the bills to live then is makes a lot more sense than always fighting the system.

All in my opinion only of course.

I have this problem.i am over 100 on the CATQ test, I don’t consider my self to be high masking but this is moderate-high and very energy consuming. Extra energy I don’t have to give out. The workplace is designed around what I used to think were called extroverts what I now know to be neurotypical. The problem is so pervasive that any questioning of these flawed systems is viewed as a mutiny. All you can do is stay quiet, even then they (NT) will probably get rid of you. I must have lost 10+ jobs asking very simple questions which could not be answered. If everyone is complicit how can I perform to a high degree? How will others see that a company or team can be performing MUCH better? It’s like working towards nothing, so you have to have some coping mechanisms in order to survive in such environments (under what is technically hostility, sometimes bordering on discrimination). I have had big issues with this every day of my adult life (with people not wanting to employ me, being plain rude to my face, or trying to get rid of me), if I want to work in an office I cannot show my complete identity - which leaves me in a position whereby I am walked over, perceived as weak or stupid or inexperienced. I compare it a bit to playing a game with a smart 5 year old child. They don’t like losing, they move the goalposts if the think they might be wrong. The rely on the support of those around them even if their aims are mindless. Huddle together like they are at a football match. I’m really tired of giving the benefit of the doubt to people who don’t respect people as people. Also seeing that working really is going towards nowhere except for making the wrong people richer. I realised a while ago that simply engaging in the workplace is also putting myself at a disadvantage (in an environment which has been offset).

Desmond1979 said:

People act as if their opinions have to be law. Therefore, making it hard to be objective.

A great way to knock down their ivory tower here is to ask them what makes it georgous or disgusting. Once they have to start justifying it you will hear the contradictions crop in, the flawed arguements and deflections and pretty soon they will realise they are talking bulldroppings and change the subject.

Often you don't have to say much more, just the odd "really?" or "why so?" comment is enough.

You won't make many friends this way though, but it can be satisfying.

I've begun to realise that Hell is, indeed, other people.

Especially when you're 'asked a Question' you're not supposed to say no towards. Such as, "Isn't that House Gorgeous?" or "Isn't that Disgusting?" People act as if their opinions have to be law. Therefore, making it hard to be objective.

sometimes the least exhausting thing to do is to ask them directly. although this could be stressful tous as autistic because we are wondering if ourtone will come across in the wrong way, but I've found that it is best for me to function to ask someone there and then what their intention is, and then study their response. Sometimes, this also allows me to clear up any assumptions and misconceptions about what i thinkthe person is thinking too, and it helps to stop me from being stuck for weeks and months in rumination and thought loops.

also, by asking someone directly, it's helped me to add an experience and understanding into my database of understanding humans, so then i can note that pattern next time i see it.

Yes but not yet that far, it is exhausting even getting that far, I’m starting to become more aware how peoples tones and how they can upset something in me, I tend to see a pattern where some people you don’t need to process that much as you can naturally read them, but if a slight tone or something don’t match up with their words then I start to wonder what intentions they have, it use to trigger me but I didn’t know why, but I need to do a lot more experiments and detective work, there is alot of learning to do