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a game of social dynamics chess

aurelis

Hello,

It's been a very long time since I was last on here. I wanted to share with you all somethign I noticed over the past three or four months. I have been studying socialisation, like a game, or a refined art form. In the sense that I have become very perceptive to people and how they are. I realised that I was always this sensitive, but felt like I couldn't fully express it as being 'too sensitive' is considered a flaw. I've realised the things I was suppressing due to social norms, like my emotions and feelings, and realised to start accomodating myself. I have picked up on every detail of every conversation with a pinpoint precision, which I then churn through ym computer system to find my own patterns in human behaviour. In this sense, socialisation is very much a manual process, manual because it has had to be from an autistic perspective, but a very interesting experiment. I don't mean to share this to come across like a sociopath, because I deeply care for people. it's just that is the way I;ve seen it.

On the other end, the more I do this, the more I almost put up my own wall. I am still somewhat accomodating others before myself, and will increase and decrease the social dials in my settings bespoke according to each situation, so that I can work out whether a situation requires 20% of me, or 80% of me. If someone annoys me, I quickly process what it is specifically that is annoying me about them, and find a way to filter that, whether it's through silence, or through telling them how  I feel. It does make me wonder though, whether I will find people that understand this. Last time I was on here, I was not quite aware of this as I am now, but navigating the world in this acute way allows me to sensitively pick up on how to take care of those around me in a nuanced way, and although is more exhausting, is very very rewarding. It does require that I am uncompromising about myself, so I am more myself than I have ever been. The balance is trying to balance myself against how to recognise how others' individual needs are. Although, I have no idea how I will navigate a romantic relationship, and I am very nervous about that.

Can anyone else relate?

Parents

  • Yes but not yet that far, it is exhausting even getting that far, I’m starting to become more aware how peoples tones and how they can upset something in me, I tend to see a pattern where some people you don’t need to process that much as you can naturally read them, but if a slight tone or something don’t match up with their words then I start to wonder what intentions they have, it use to trigger me but I didn’t know why, but I need to do a lot more experiments and detective work, there is alot of learning to do 

  • in reply to Chris

    sometimes the least exhausting thing to do is to ask them directly. although this could be stressful tous as autistic because we are wondering if ourtone will come across in the wrong way, but I've found that it is best for me to function to ask someone there and then what their intention is, and then study their response. Sometimes, this also allows me to clear up any assumptions and misconceptions about what i thinkthe person is thinking too, and it helps to stop me from being stuck for weeks and months in rumination and thought loops.

    also, by asking someone directly, it's helped me to add an experience and understanding into my database of understanding humans, so then i can note that pattern next time i see it.

Reply
  • in reply to Chris

    sometimes the least exhausting thing to do is to ask them directly. although this could be stressful tous as autistic because we are wondering if ourtone will come across in the wrong way, but I've found that it is best for me to function to ask someone there and then what their intention is, and then study their response. Sometimes, this also allows me to clear up any assumptions and misconceptions about what i thinkthe person is thinking too, and it helps to stop me from being stuck for weeks and months in rumination and thought loops.

    also, by asking someone directly, it's helped me to add an experience and understanding into my database of understanding humans, so then i can note that pattern next time i see it.

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