• Replies 12 replies
  • Subscribers 80 subscribers
  • Views 116 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

"You can't be autistic"

Alien0n3arth

Sorry, if such topic was already discussed in the past in this forum.

I had a discussion recently with my mom and she is furious that my therapist suspects me autistic. She says that im nothing even close to autism. Here is why: 

- in fact I cried as a baby whenever taken in arms, but later on I used yo come to give a hug if someone told me so (it was stressful, but she doesn't know it, because I failed to express how much stressed I was)

- in fact I was always a weirdo and not playing with kids, my roleplay was very poor, but I was and still am very creative and exceptionally good at some fields (foreign languages,  arts, geometry)

- I'm in her words very special and different than others and I have my rich wonderful inner world (I shared with her how I perceive taste of words). So it's impossible that im autistic 

- I'm too attractive (I heard long years, that im ugly, but it seems to have changed within last 10 years and yes, now at age 37 I hear "beautiful young lady")

I feel like a freak, I was so many times abused, bullied, isolated, mistreated over the years, told that im unlikeable and it's my own fault, told that there us something wrong with me, forced on meds, misdiagnosed etc. And now when my therapist suggests a diagnosis that finally makes sense, my mom says its not and of course she wouldn't take part in the diagnosis process.  Like always preventing me from getting help, gaslighting,  diminishing my problems or laughing them off. My daughter's teacher in the nursery says it's visible I need help. I really don't know what and how to do...

Just sharing.  Maybe someone else here experienced similar things.

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thank you, if I get it, I will share it here in the forum.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I will be so happy the day you come in here and tell us that you have it. It doesn’t matter what others think, that’s right, it’s for you.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I think getting an assessment is a good way to push back from her, something as you said, is for you to have for your own needs, and is about you and not the image of you she is forcing you to carry. I think you're amazing to be able to see all this, as it must be difficult with manipulative parents.

    I really wish you luck with it!

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    She does not accept thing such as "autism spectrum" in her understanding autism is a terrible illness, where the person makes only one movement all the time, has no feelings, is aggressive and makes calculations like a calculator. I don't fit this picture so I'm not autistic.  She thinks of herself as the most knowledgeable person especially in mental health, she gives people diagnoses or exclude them and there is no power which would convince her otherwise. Her knowledge = objective truth. I only reminded her, that she is not a psychiatrist and shouldn't diagnose her husband with BPD as she did or any other disorders. 

  • in reply to pietro_21

    I will nit share with her if I get the formal diagnosis.  I need it for me to get help, improve the quality of my life and my interactions with my husband and daughter. I don't care what she would say about it. I don't even wanna hear it.

  • If you have a formal diagnosis then she will learn to accept it, to the point where she might say things like ‘I always knew you were autistic’. This is how knowing changes it when it becomes a fact people have to accept and process it.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    I woud go ahead with diagnosis and be very upfront with who ever's assessing you that your Mum is hostile to this whole process and refuses to take part in it. I can't believe you will be the only person who's family are hostile

    Yes, I would say that directly.  Thank you for your answer.

    I aldo feel like stealing something from someone.

  • in reply to Martin

    The only person, who knows me well and could give some input is my husband, but he knows me 7 years, so obviously didn't know me when I was a child. I have some documentation such as my school reports (they show only grades and short note, that I was well behaved) that's it, I have the original of my own request through school to speak to a psychologist,  I was around 18 at that time and a certificate from Russian Olympic competitions in our capital city (national level) and it gave me free entrance to the university. Russian was my "big love" at that time so this could be kind of proof that I was really good at it.

    I have some copies of my own pictures from my childhood,  other projects from that time, also so.e sort of reports from Sommer camps where the teachers wrote that I was whiny and shy even as a teen. I also have photos of my Barbie dolls which I took care of as 15-18 years old and they were my whole world. For me they had personalities. Otherwise my activities were always creative works related to my special interest,  pacing room (I have a written confirmation per email that I do it since early childhood) and I do till now. 

    I don't know what evidence i can collect yet, this is all I have. Nobody in my family would support me in the diagnostic process and it's necessary for me to get help and enter a support group which I red, are very helpful 

  • I am very creative and imaginative and I am diagnosed. It's a spectrum for a reason, you don't need to have every trait which she obviously doesn't know! 

    I also didn't get parental input, different reason for me, on the form it freaked me out so much that I'd have to admit to my family I was struggling, I ended up explaining to them and it wasn't required in the end. As everyone says, it shouldn't hold you back if you explain upfront as they should take that into account, even if she does fill a form out.

    I hope you can get some help either way.

  • in reply to Martin

    I didn't have any input from anyone else when I was diagnosed, I dont' know if this was because of how long ago I was diagnosed, but I really don't see why they need another person's input?

  • Your mother is not trained in autism assessment, her views are not relevant to whether or not you are autistic. Adult assessments can be made without parental input, where a parent's judgement might be biased, you just need input from someone who knows you well.

  • I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this, I wish I could say it's unfamiliar, but it isn't and I've heard all this stuff before. WTF does what you look like have to do with ND? Does your Mum think everyone with ND has a second head or somethng?

    When I was first thinking about autism as a possibility and a contributary factor in all the things I struggle with, I was told I wasn't and to stop even thinking about it, this was from male autists, autism in women was only just starting to be recognised then, but it felt like such a slap in the face, like I was trying to steal something from them.

    I woud go ahead with diagnosis and be very upfront with who ever's assessing you that your Mum is hostile to this whole process and refuses to take part in it. I can't believe you will be the only person who's family are hostile.