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My predicament

Elfilis

The horrible past traumas are all rearing their ugly heads and tormenting and upsetting me etc. my self doubts and these various nasty voices are as loud as ever and I can’t focus or even sleep well. Also having nightly nightmares which leave me panicked, shocked, uneasy etc for like the whole day and then I get anxious with the thought of going to sleep. 

Normally she (my mum) helps me with my techniques which involves mentioning the things that I like, but now once again she is mentioning this celebrity who she has a crush on and she thinks I also have a crush on him. I never have but I’m scared to say anything she ends up saying stuff like “why don’t you like him” or something. I’ve tried saying he’s not a nice person IRL, I’ve even freaked out when she mentions him, I’ve tried changing the subject or not showing interest when she mentions him but all to no avail. I’ve even tried to drown her out when she mentions him but then she says this “isn’t like me”.

I mean I’ve had crushes before but omg I was never as obsessed and went on about them compared to my mum with this bloke. 

If I'm struggling I’ll let her know and she replies to me whenever she can sending and talking about things I like. But now she has once again started sending this crush of hers and I don’t want to put up with seeing him but I also don’t want to not mention the stuff that does help me or even put that stuff away. I just don’t know how to get through to her and not upset her at the same time. 

Sorry this has ended up being a long post, guess I just needed to get it off my chest. If anyone has any advice I’ll be grateful. 

Parents Reply Children
  • in reply to Phased

    Aww well thank you for your advice. Guess I will just have to ignore the best I can and hope she will get out of this phase. I just want to help her more than anything. This must be what it’s like to be a parent to a teen Rofl I can tell you I was no where near as bad when it came to crushes. Though one time just after lockdown I had a crush on a worker for over a year and when I found out he had a girlfriend I was in tears for days. Now I’m like WTF was that about! Crushes and love, they can be painful I tell you that! 

  • in reply to Elfilis

    Figure what we're getting at is that the probably only legal and ethical way is for your mum to want to and stop for herself  .

    'til then learning ways that enable you to deal with how it effects you are maybe the best solution?

    hence - "let then get on with it" - be metaphorical platinum as a catalyst - enable the reaction but don't get harmed in the process

    easier said than done - we are after all emotional and caring creatures :-)

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Ahh that makes more sense, sorry I misunderstood your first comment. I can be vague at times myself, I guess because I’m on a forum I naturally go more vague lol. But yeah I totally get what you and Phased are saying. 

    I guess my point is how do I stop my mum from going on about her crush? How do I let her know I’m not interested? How do I get through to her that I’m not interested and now I’m having nightmares of this crush. I have no control but omg does she have to bombard me with him. I just want her to stop but I have no control! 

    If I get a flaming calendar or cardboard cut out of this crush (especially for my birthday or Xmas) I will be so PO ed. 

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thanks  I found it a good exercise for me :-)

    Managing others emotions without exhaustion and masking is maybe possible if one can be (and be allowed to be) "authentic" I wonder?

    In chemistry a catalyst enables reactions to take place without itself being harmed in the process.

    maybe something to aspire to?