Dealing with Autism midlife

Thanks, yes all the messages have been very helpful. As I said on another reply writing that post really helped get some stuff off my chest.

I defo will tell her about me also being in the spectrum, will be difficult however as you say will mean it's not us just hitting her with this.

What I mean about myself, I don't even want a full diagnosis. I feel 100% that this is what has hampered me through my life, my boss has advised has also helped me in my working life, and he did have suspicion in past.

I think way I am dealing with it now is much better, however I will take your advice on board with the ups and downs. Main thing is, I do feel I'm starting to move past it and forward again.

Sounds very similar to my experience and although I contribute very rarely on here anymore I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. My son was diagnosed nearly a year ago although we suspected around 3 years ago. I was diagnosed in June this year after always feeling different to most other people I knew, the research starts and the realisation hits. I spent a long time wishing I could forget what I had learned but it was too late. My eldest son now has a diagnosis of combined ADHD as of last month as well after him having a few problems at school and in general. I just wanted to respond to your question about concentrating on your daughter and forgetting about yourself, I did just that and as soon as my son was diagnosed I made my referral for the RTC. Try and look at this as the more you research the more knowledge and support you can offer your daughter while still learning about yourself. How comforting would it be for her to know she is not alone and has a parent that shares her experience (that makes you her trusted adult).

I plan to tell both my children very soon but I have been really struggling since diagnosis and a bit up and down so I want to wait until I’m as positive as I can be when I do tell them. 

I think for you to be as supportive as possible you need to be kind to yourself as well as trying to cover up will be tough on you and potentially affect the people you care about. 

Hope I have helped in some small way.

Take care

It's a strange one for me. I have felt stuff I do or can't seem to do a lot based around emotions, seemed strange to me, however I never really searched for a reason why. Not even sure I thought if others do similar things or not.

I think down line will help me and would have been good through my life at some stages. However maybe it's best just for things to play out naturally, good and bad moments through my life that I now know are autistic traits.

I do think will be good for my daughter to learn more about this though, I think we will leave for time being. Going to take absolutely ages for next step for diagnosis.She is in 1st year next year, so a lot of changes for her coming up 

I can see how it would come as a shock being so out of the blue like that? I assume that you had not had any inklings before or felt that there was something hugely different about you? For me it was more of a relief as it just answered so many questions and gave me reasons for how I had always felt. I had also wondered if I was autistic on more than one occasion prior to my realisation but hadn't really followed it through. I would recommend therapy if you can. I had never had any before and didn't really think it was for me but I knew I needed some help to unpick everything that I had experienced in my life and just having someone to talk to about my worries every week is really useful. Good luck with it all. My son is also autistic we believe but we don't feel the need for him to get diagnosed at this stage, although that may well change in the future.

I know exactly how you are feeling. It's not nice, just takes simetime to get your head around it. It makes you feel kind of silly is word I've been using, to not have known, weirdly you are exact same age as me.

I would say I'm high functioning as well, and just trying to get back to the way I was. I keep thinking would it have been better to have known this earlier in my life, I think it would, however I'm not sure. Certainly would have been helpful for my partner .

Well if you need, keep in touch through here and reach out. I felt typing that long post helped me get a lot of my chest.

Hello, I’m new here and feeling very timid. I’ve suspected I was different for a very long time. It’s only recently - due to ongoing series of burnout and an ability to highly sense/see patterns & inconsistencies in people’s behaviours that they can’t see apparently and which I thought they could - that I delved deeply into autism. I suspect I may be high functioning which I know can be difficult to spot in women and am trying to get a diagnosis. I just want to say Stuart333 that I found your post helpful and Badger81 thank you for being brave enough to post.

See I feel my dad has traits as well. His mum definitely did looking back at things when I was young. However I will not bring that up with my dad he is nearly 80.

Best of luck in your retirement.

Yeah, just a bit of a shock to me. Has been a weird old month tbh.

I'm starting to move past it all, will maybe help me down the line, however I'm more than half way through so just keep on doing what I do and maybe sometimes think of my decisions and actions, however not too much.

I get where you are coming from with your husband, I'm similar with my partner as she now is the odd one out in the house as well.

Best of luck dealing with everything.

Thanks for posting. I feel last few days, I'm moving past it. Just getting back to as normal as I can. The way I deal with things through my life seems to work ok. 

I do think typing all that out few days ago actually helped, so I'll take that .

We are on waiting list for my daughter, so will see what comes of it.

And don't get me wrong, it's still hard on me but maybe now I can stop being hard on myself about stuff I'm not good at and wondering why I can't do things. (Extended family gatherings might be easier knowing why I'm finding it so difficult to talk to people and standing to the side like I did as a child).

I'm 41 and learning I'm autistic now too. My son is finally getting his assessment in December after being on the waiting list for ages, and after researching it loads I see it in my daughter too. She's been really struggling lately and understanding it is actually helping us as parents help them ( I think she's PDA profile, and that helps as we've stopped telling her to do things like brush her teeth and started putting it as options so she doesn't meltdown for an hour+ at bedtime). I think it's the autism that makes you deep dive into the topic, but the more you know and recognise in yourself, it will help you help your kids, or that's the way I'm feeling about it. I didn't see it in my son (11) at first when the teachers first brought it up at I thought the way he thought was normal. Now I realise what that means, but it helps me better understand us all. 

The one I feel for is my husband, who is suddenly the NT in the minority in the house!

OK, so I am 67 pushing 68. Last year I was told by a good friend that I am Autistic!! WTH?? But her comments begin to make sense. There is deffo something very different about me compared to the rest of the world. Even my Forum name is what the other children called me at primary school. If children can see it, there must be something going on. 

As to now I am waiting fir an assessment. I need to find the tools to help me navigate my retirement. 

I believe the 2 most common ways for older people to find out are because their kids are diagnosed and then they see it in themselves, or due to burnout/depression and then seeking help.

If you were doing fine before, there is no need to change anything, you have a system and life that works. If you weren't and had underlying stress and were pretending, then now is the chance to make your life easier. 

It would make sense to try some of the online tests to have a better idea. To be diagnosed autistic you need to have issues that negatively affect your life in more than one area, otherwise you just have some traits.

If it is causing you problems, the you need to think carefully about what the root of this is. It is an emotional thing, even if you tell yourself otherwise.

You might find it easier to support your daughter if you understand yourself. It may help you find amd understand strategies that may help her, as wellm as relate to her better. Although note that male and female experiences can be different.