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Dealing with Autism midlife

Badger81

Hi, I'm new (M44) to the forum. We are waiting on diagnosis for my 12 year old daughter, I have always noticed a few things from a very young age and thought she was on the spectrum. I am 100% sure she is and we will wait and see how we bring this up with her. Only had couple of meetings with psychologist over the laptop. The reason for the post though is a personal one. After doing a lot of research and having a zoom meeting with psychological department regarding my daughter, I started looking in to everything and it dawned on me that I'm autistic, so many things throughout my life make more sense, things I have done and still do that I thought was just what everyone does. Every single thing I googled to investigate (which there were countless) suggested would be traits for autism, this left me feeling very silly for being 44 years old and not knowing this about myself. I had a bit of a mental breakdown, I brought this up with my partner after a few days of trying to process everything, feeling guilt etc. Im not good at showing emotions, even with my partner and stupidly left and went to do my darts league that night right after. I should never have went and really had one of worst nights of my life, which is some going! I managed to confide in a few people and get back to normal fairly quickly after a couple of days, however over last couple of weeks I really am struggling to know how to act now, not all the time which is a good sign. I'm second guessing myself with things to do and say. To be honest if I could just reset to a month ago I probably would, although would have helped me growing up to have a diagnosis, I don't see any need now. Just want to concentrate on my daughter and give her the support when the time comes. I'm just wondering is this coomon for adults that learn they are autistic? Has anyone had similar and still feel this way? It's really affecting things for me, work home life etc, I really just want to be on my own majority of the time. When im second guessing myself, you start to feel like you don't know what's going on in your own mind. Sorry for the long post.

Parents

  • Sounds very similar to my experience and although I contribute very rarely on here anymore I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. My son was diagnosed nearly a year ago although we suspected around 3 years ago. I was diagnosed in June this year after always feeling different to most other people I knew, the research starts and the realisation hits. I spent a long time wishing I could forget what I had learned but it was too late. My eldest son now has a diagnosis of combined ADHD as of last month as well after him having a few problems at school and in general. I just wanted to respond to your question about concentrating on your daughter and forgetting about yourself, I did just that and as soon as my son was diagnosed I made my referral for the RTC. Try and look at this as the more you research the more knowledge and support you can offer your daughter while still learning about yourself. How comforting would it be for her to know she is not alone and has a parent that shares her experience (that makes you her trusted adult).

    I plan to tell both my children very soon but I have been really struggling since diagnosis and a bit up and down so I want to wait until I’m as positive as I can be when I do tell them. 

    I think for you to be as supportive as possible you need to be kind to yourself as well as trying to cover up will be tough on you and potentially affect the people you care about. 

    Hope I have helped in some small way.

    Take care

  • in reply to Take5

    Thanks, yes all the messages have been very helpful. As I said on another reply writing that post really helped get some stuff off my chest.

    I defo will tell her about me also being in the spectrum, will be difficult however as you say will mean it's not us just hitting her with this.

    What I mean about myself, I don't even want a full diagnosis. I feel 100% that this is what has hampered me through my life, my boss has advised has also helped me in my working life, and he did have suspicion in past.

    I think way I am dealing with it now is much better, however I will take your advice on board with the ups and downs. Main thing is, I do feel I'm starting to move past it and forward again.

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  • in reply to Take5

    Thanks, yes all the messages have been very helpful. As I said on another reply writing that post really helped get some stuff off my chest.

    I defo will tell her about me also being in the spectrum, will be difficult however as you say will mean it's not us just hitting her with this.

    What I mean about myself, I don't even want a full diagnosis. I feel 100% that this is what has hampered me through my life, my boss has advised has also helped me in my working life, and he did have suspicion in past.

    I think way I am dealing with it now is much better, however I will take your advice on board with the ups and downs. Main thing is, I do feel I'm starting to move past it and forward again.

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