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Dealing with Autism midlife

Badger81

Hi, I'm new (M44) to the forum. We are waiting on diagnosis for my 12 year old daughter, I have always noticed a few things from a very young age and thought she was on the spectrum. I am 100% sure she is and we will wait and see how we bring this up with her. Only had couple of meetings with psychologist over the laptop. The reason for the post though is a personal one. After doing a lot of research and having a zoom meeting with psychological department regarding my daughter, I started looking in to everything and it dawned on me that I'm autistic, so many things throughout my life make more sense, things I have done and still do that I thought was just what everyone does. Every single thing I googled to investigate (which there were countless) suggested would be traits for autism, this left me feeling very silly for being 44 years old and not knowing this about myself. I had a bit of a mental breakdown, I brought this up with my partner after a few days of trying to process everything, feeling guilt etc. Im not good at showing emotions, even with my partner and stupidly left and went to do my darts league that night right after. I should never have went and really had one of worst nights of my life, which is some going! I managed to confide in a few people and get back to normal fairly quickly after a couple of days, however over last couple of weeks I really am struggling to know how to act now, not all the time which is a good sign. I'm second guessing myself with things to do and say. To be honest if I could just reset to a month ago I probably would, although would have helped me growing up to have a diagnosis, I don't see any need now. Just want to concentrate on my daughter and give her the support when the time comes. I'm just wondering is this coomon for adults that learn they are autistic? Has anyone had similar and still feel this way? It's really affecting things for me, work home life etc, I really just want to be on my own majority of the time. When im second guessing myself, you start to feel like you don't know what's going on in your own mind. Sorry for the long post.

Parents

  • I'm 41 and learning I'm autistic now too. My son is finally getting his assessment in December after being on the waiting list for ages, and after researching it loads I see it in my daughter too. She's been really struggling lately and understanding it is actually helping us as parents help them ( I think she's PDA profile, and that helps as we've stopped telling her to do things like brush her teeth and started putting it as options so she doesn't meltdown for an hour+ at bedtime). I think it's the autism that makes you deep dive into the topic, but the more you know and recognise in yourself, it will help you help your kids, or that's the way I'm feeling about it. I didn't see it in my son (11) at first when the teachers first brought it up at I thought the way he thought was normal. Now I realise what that means, but it helps me better understand us all. 

    The one I feel for is my husband, who is suddenly the NT in the minority in the house!

Reply

  • I'm 41 and learning I'm autistic now too. My son is finally getting his assessment in December after being on the waiting list for ages, and after researching it loads I see it in my daughter too. She's been really struggling lately and understanding it is actually helping us as parents help them ( I think she's PDA profile, and that helps as we've stopped telling her to do things like brush her teeth and started putting it as options so she doesn't meltdown for an hour+ at bedtime). I think it's the autism that makes you deep dive into the topic, but the more you know and recognise in yourself, it will help you help your kids, or that's the way I'm feeling about it. I didn't see it in my son (11) at first when the teachers first brought it up at I thought the way he thought was normal. Now I realise what that means, but it helps me better understand us all. 

    The one I feel for is my husband, who is suddenly the NT in the minority in the house!

Children