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Dealing with Autism midlife

Badger81

Hi, I'm new (M44) to the forum. We are waiting on diagnosis for my 12 year old daughter, I have always noticed a few things from a very young age and thought she was on the spectrum. I am 100% sure she is and we will wait and see how we bring this up with her. Only had couple of meetings with psychologist over the laptop. The reason for the post though is a personal one. After doing a lot of research and having a zoom meeting with psychological department regarding my daughter, I started looking in to everything and it dawned on me that I'm autistic, so many things throughout my life make more sense, things I have done and still do that I thought was just what everyone does. Every single thing I googled to investigate (which there were countless) suggested would be traits for autism, this left me feeling very silly for being 44 years old and not knowing this about myself. I had a bit of a mental breakdown, I brought this up with my partner after a few days of trying to process everything, feeling guilt etc. Im not good at showing emotions, even with my partner and stupidly left and went to do my darts league that night right after. I should never have went and really had one of worst nights of my life, which is some going! I managed to confide in a few people and get back to normal fairly quickly after a couple of days, however over last couple of weeks I really am struggling to know how to act now, not all the time which is a good sign. I'm second guessing myself with things to do and say. To be honest if I could just reset to a month ago I probably would, although would have helped me growing up to have a diagnosis, I don't see any need now. Just want to concentrate on my daughter and give her the support when the time comes. I'm just wondering is this coomon for adults that learn they are autistic? Has anyone had similar and still feel this way? It's really affecting things for me, work home life etc, I really just want to be on my own majority of the time. When im second guessing myself, you start to feel like you don't know what's going on in your own mind. Sorry for the long post.

Parents

  • I believe the 2 most common ways for older people to find out are because their kids are diagnosed and then they see it in themselves, or due to burnout/depression and then seeking help.

    If you were doing fine before, there is no need to change anything, you have a system and life that works. If you weren't and had underlying stress and were pretending, then now is the chance to make your life easier. 

    It would make sense to try some of the online tests to have a better idea. To be diagnosed autistic you need to have issues that negatively affect your life in more than one area, otherwise you just have some traits.

    If it is causing you problems, the you need to think carefully about what the root of this is. It is an emotional thing, even if you tell yourself otherwise.

    You might find it easier to support your daughter if you understand yourself. It may help you find amd understand strategies that may help her, as wellm as relate to her better. Although note that male and female experiences can be different.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thanks for posting. I feel last few days, I'm moving past it. Just getting back to as normal as I can. The way I deal with things through my life seems to work ok. 

    I do think typing all that out few days ago actually helped, so I'll take that Grinning.

    We are on waiting list for my daughter, so will see what comes of it.

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  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thanks for posting. I feel last few days, I'm moving past it. Just getting back to as normal as I can. The way I deal with things through my life seems to work ok. 

    I do think typing all that out few days ago actually helped, so I'll take that Grinning.

    We are on waiting list for my daughter, so will see what comes of it.

Children
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