Traits (that we share?)

See where I live, though my view isn’t as good when I’m on the ground, if I’m on a ladder or something I can see the city of Liverpool from my living room. Even when I’m not on a ladder I can still see the liva-buildings. It’s super cozy and relaxing. I also like staying in hotels where you can see an amazing skyline at night. 

Im the complete opposite to majority of people I like to have the shortest days and of course winter haha. When it comes spring and summer I seem to go into some depression because I can’t seem to go outside and if I do I get so overwhelmed. Having BDD definitely doesn’t help

Thanks Elfilis . City twinkly lights at night observed from afar have a cosy relaxing feeling, don’t they? Since I was a toddler they fascinated me. Winter (not freezing to death of course) also feels so positive and good. I basically like the opposite of what most people want actually: people like the longest possible days, as much sunshine as possible, high temperatures (I understand not extreme either), air conditioning, beach time on the hot and once wet sticky sand, etc. What I love about the beach (also the swimming pool) is being under water as much as possible and staying there so calm and in peace… Besides, the perspective of seeing the surface from underneath is so beautiful to see, but obviously we have to go up for air all the time, so that kind of breaks the flow all the time. 

I can super relate to the darkness. I really enjoy the peace and quiet of the night time and I also love seeing the skylines of cities in the night time too. Now winter is coming the nights are getting longer so my mum is able to take me out for a drive in the night more often, I love doing this at Christmas time and seeing all the twinkly lights. If I tend to go out for fresh air alone then I’ll just hang outside my flat but all I seem to do is make people jump but when I’m out of a day I get so many nasty looks from people. I mean people say it’s all my imagination but still. 

Defo like the neutral or cooler weather! Again I’m a winter girl and what I love about winter and even autumn is when it’s cold I can at least wrap up and get warm and cozy, in summer I can’t cope with the heat and of course longer days and there busier for longer. Only time I’m ok in warmer weather is when I’m on holiday and I have a pool to jump into. Been suffering with hot flushes or flashes or whatever they’re called and omg they are horrible! 

I can also be bad with social contact but there again if the person I am talking to is chatty enough then we can have good conversations but when they are quiet or miserable etc then I get upset as I feel it’s my fault or I am a failure that I can’t make them nice.

I have a real obsession when it comes to gaming and characters. I tend to have control on how much I play them but I have been told I am an addict and I’ve been guilt tripped for playing games that are different to what I’ve usually played. Like I get bullied for playing a game rated 12+. Only one I managed to play was Simpsons tapped out until that closed and I am also getting into the sims 4 but I still feel guilty for the games I got bullied for. 

I can relate to all the points really but the ones I mentors are the most relatable for me. 

Hi Lotus . Thanks for sharing your list of traits.You’re right, I also have ADHD. 

Here are mine in relation to yours:

- Needs light, suffers with SAD in the winter, so more comfortable during the day (although dislikes bright electric lights)

- Cannot regulate temperature very well, but especially sensitive to cold which can register as pain

- Avoids social contact, as it leaves me over stimulated. I can manage a coffee with 1 friend though.

- Obsessed about interests, but I feel in control of them

- Not been told I look rude, but have been told I look worried when I'm not, I'm just thinking.

- Don't feel that I waste time, but I plan a lot. Perhaps you also.have ADHD?

- Don't do mouth stimming but have noticed I sometimes clench my teeth when stressed.

- I can never tell how I'm seen, I do have a serious side but also a fun loving one.

- I always liked the idea of holidays until I got to my late 50s, since then haven't had the energy for them. But looking back they were always a bit stressful. I like going to the beach when it's quiet.

- I hate it when other people play loud music, although when I was younger I'd get energised by certain music I liked. 

- Going to a restaurant is challenging, but I prefer if it's chosen by me as I can research the venue and menus so I know what to expect.

Yes of course. A therapist is a must at least until things feel better but I feel that by itself isn’t enough to get rid of the anxiety — not at the moment at least. It’s definitely one answer though but usually more answers are needed. My last prescription is Pregabalin but it’s not working well (yet). Hopefully it will. Otherwise, I will have to find something else but every time I try a new thing it’s the same story all over again (bad side effects or/and no improvement whilst psychologically there’s an added stress/uncertainty due to this). Anyways, we’re in this battle together ;) 

• Totally agree i had bad anxiety all my life and its getting worse with age, sometimes I don't even know why im so anxious, but its getting really hard to deal with now, its a major challenge. I take sertraline but its not having much of an affect, so what do you do as its getting harder to live with it and its getting harder not to give up as you get older. Going back to a therapist is one answer 

I couldn’t agree more. For me the biggest challenge is the anxiety that being autistic creates. Anxiety in my case has increased exponentially as I got older. It was always there since day 1 of my life but in the past I didn’t even know I was full of anxiety whereas now it’s so obvious and hiding it isn’t possible anymore. Taking things to control the anxiety is a trial and error thing. Haven’t found the right thing/amount yet but never give up as they say…

Procrastination is really bad for me too, especially when im asked to do a job such as DIY and house work. I go through every scenario good and bad in my mind and stress over things that can go wrong. If problems occur I find them hard to deal with, the anxiety is really bad. So I feel your pain and totally agree that its hard being Autistic 

You will find that most of us autists can relate to your list. Most if not all apply to me as well. being a lateling I was mostly unaware of my traits until after diagnosis. The comfort of a dark room with just the light from the tv is preferable to having the ceiling lights on. I like warmth but not too warm.

Procrastination is very bad for me. It takes ages to make a decision for even simple things like getting a takeaway, even after making a decision I will overthink it to check if I have made an error, and then spend ages beating myself up about,

It truly is a very difficult life being an autist.

Hi Kenny. Nice to meet you. I’m also glad to know I’m not alone in these. We probably have dozens more in common. I just wrote down the first that came to my mind. As I said before to TheCatWoman , using the phone for calls is very challenging. It’s been like this for decades. Oh yes, fingers clicking feels awful. It may make no sense but I take it similar to an insult. I just can’t stand it. Or people eating something smelly anywhere. I feel like choking them with my hands … I find particularly hard fish n’chips. The smell of the vinegar with the fish… OMG!

All these trates also apply to me, so its nice to know im not alone. But Im also very sensitive to being touched and people using there index finger, or touching me with it and fingers clicking as it can create an uncontrollable response of anger, frustration and stress and can cause me to self harm or scratch and hurt myself. Because of this I find social situations really challenging 

Thanks a lot for your suggestion. I am looking at it right now. It looks promising ;)

Chewing the skin on the inside of my cheek, chewing the skin around my nails and swaying are my stims that bring me comfort. 

Don’t mind going to restaurants (unless they’re noisy) as this tends to overload me somewhat. I still don’t like to hang around after eating as your expected to be sociable and I have usually ran out of things to say. 

I am always told I look worried or I don’t look happy which I find annoying as I feel absolutely fine. I respond with “you don’t have to have smile on your face to be happy”.

Can forget to eat and drink when I’m super focused on something and find transition difficult. If I start something I have to finish it which can be exhausting. I don’t always realise when my body is tired and I have done too much. 

Multiple sounds at the same time really trigger me and my head feels so heavy and cluttered. This is especially a problem when there is lots of different conversations going on, I can’t seem to concentrate on one and I get all muddled and can’t find my words. 

My time management causes me distress and no matter how prepared I am I end up trying to fit something else in which makes me rush around. 

Have social anxiety which seems to be common, I can manage for a few hours but then need to give my brain a break so I usually slip away without saying goodbye.

Don’t  like holding hands as it really creeps me out, other people’s nails disturb me for some reason. 

Martin said:

7) No, I fiddle with small objects, especially ones that click, slide or rotate

You should check out the ONO slider… it’s my favourite fidget.

I was thinking today what I would most like to feel comfortable and that would be to return to somewhere dark relatively warm where I am on my own. 
Bright lights and temperatures really affect me. I don’t think I really stim, Alot of behaviours need to be suppressed because they are not accepted socially. But I don’t feel expressing them more would make us any less who we are, it’s just how we want to be seen to be in control a lot of the time, or in my case I can end up getting sick of myself or my mannerisms to the point where it becomes painfully boring to live with.

Hi. Thanks for your message. Food allergies and intolerances, I feel you. I’m the same. I have to be so careful with what I eat. Eating out is always such a stress. If something has garlic or onion (99% of dishes have it) I can’t touch it. Otherwise, the week is sort of over as I take forever to recover from their effects in my body. 

I could’ve made a list 3 times bigger. Smells! That’s an important one too. I feel pretty lonely with that. So few people (nobody!) understand me when I say I can’t stand that place or that person because of the smell…

I guess I’m not the only one having a phobia to phone calls, right? I know other autistic people have it too but I don’t know if it’s something that is very common or not so common. I struggle with that much more than I’d like to admit. I just hate so much speaking on the phone. I’ll do it if needed but it just ruins my nerves and then I hate myself for feeling this way.

Sorry about your chlorine allergy. That’s a clear red line to getting inside any swimming pool no matter what. The good thing is summer is over (but the cold with the global warming seems to be disappearing year after year which is so sad at least for me)… Well, nice to meet you

I don't like strong lighting, sun or electric and over head lights really feel oppressive. I dont' like hot either, anything over about 22.C is to much for me.

I have what's known as "resting *** face", my natural resting expression looks a bit forbidding and stern, but I' usually in a little world of my own, quite happy thinking my own thoughts.

I dont' eat out any more, I've got so many allergies and intolerances that it's just not worth it, especially where I live there's not much choice and I'd pretty much have to go to 3 different restaurants for 3 different courses. It feels like if you have allergies and intollerances you're not allowed not to like something. I'm often lucky if there's one thing on the menu I an eat, let alone if I want to eat it. Lots of restaurant food is rubbish and I come away thinking I've spent megabucks on something I could of bought for 99p and heated up myself.

I also don't go out to eat as I end up sitting near someone who's perfume gives me a headache and makes me wheeze.

One of my allergies is chlorine so swimming pools are a big no no and I swim like a brick, I like the beach but prefer them out of season,.

Other peoples music does my head in and why do shops have to have two or three different radios in different partd of the shop?

1. Hi Martin. I appreciate your time with your feedback. It’s great to be able to ask these things in the right place to the right people .

You are welcome. Nice to meet you as well =)