Failed by Society

That's a great skill to have. I like to think everyone we meet and all situations we face that there's always a lesson to learn for improved growth. Sometimes I can be too passionate about certain topics but I am learning to look at some things more logically.

Those with no chip on their shoulders, who are always eager to add to their knowledge and understanding are my type of people. Sometimes we face things in life not because life is cruel but to prepare us for future situations, at least that's what I believe.

Oh yes I do love to Journal, regarding many topics but I guess joining this community has been a big step for me to put my passions out there and step out of my introverted world a little. One thing I am certain about is I will never let go of my passion about social justice but I am always open to others opinions on the subject.

I am happy you've found your place where you can make an impact and difference and wish you all the best. I am still waiting to find my place, until then I will keep learning and advancing my knowledge to be prepared.

In my experience regardless if a person is autistic or not we all lack some knowledge in certain area's that's why I always say I am a student of life because there's always something new to learn to expand your current skill set.

Hi Lotus, thank you for the lovely welcome and I am glad to hear you are happy with your partner and your home life. I am also past my attempts of fitting into an normal life and will never go back to trying to mask to fit in.

My circle is extremely small myself with some close friends and family that I catch up with sometimes. I've also reached out to local autism groups but much like yourself I gave up on social media and only use chatting apps, online gaming and now this community too.

I agree, as with anything there are pros and cons and it's great we can do all this stuff online but in my opinion perhaps world leaders focus needs to take a little step back from the technology side and work on helping humanity grow further on an emotional and evolution level to create a more understanding, accepting and diverse culture.

Yes, many have been lucky to find support within their professions/environment to be supported in using their skill set to help advance humanity, technology and the world in different ways and it's always great to hear these positive experiences. I suppose i have a knack for seeing an area that can be improved and that's why I am speaking out about those who have suffered negative experiences like myself.

Perhaps for some of us our skill set is right here finding this community, sharing experiences, knowledge and hope.

Daisy said:

The sad truth is that what is done is done... we can't go back and change how society is

I always look at is as a banked life experience. I review it (as dispassionately as I can) and learn from it, trying to carry no chip on my shoulder or fear in my heart from it.

If something similar starts to happen again then I will be better prepared and can hopefully do much better because sure as chips are chips those colleagues aren't likely to be that much better than the ones before.

Keep a journal as it can be really empowering to look back and see how much you have grown as a result of this approach. It proves you do have the power to be better - better than them and better than you were.

I've also learned to let go of my issues around social justice. I make an impact where I have opportunity and were I'm able but try to keep it personal in scale (coaching and mentoring autistic teenagers leaving school at the moment plus training the younger staff I employ on my renovation projects).

It can be surprising how clueless some NTs are about a lot of stuff too - I've had a lot of discusions with my trainees about their life choices and decisions and it is clear they have plenty of areas where they are just as bad as some of us autists, but they are better at sitting back and learning about it.

Hi, thank you and nice to meet you too.

I can understand you, the feeling of shutting your door on the world and just getting lost in your special interest and hobbies is bliss.

Yes, it's very sad that we must deal with the loneliness and feel like an alien among our own peers. 

I agree the topic has much grey area and it's rather something you feel more deeply than you can explain.

We are only human and I think that's what bothers me the most that so many of us suffer this isolation, becoming used to more solitude lives than social one due to our differences. 

Thank you so much for your experience and opinion on the topic. 

I can only hope the world will be a better place for future generations.

Yes I agree with you on that point. I think I probably tried longer than I should because social justice is very important to me. I thought if I could make people see from my own understanding and experience that I could help bring change within that environment.

I enjoy my introversion time at home so that's a plus and I still get out into nature and to the shops, which I enjoy the walks there most time.

I'm not anti-social I've just started becoming very selective now due to experiences I've suffered through beforehand.

I do understand the scale you're talking about and I can't say what change needs to be done but my opinion is that world leaders have failed a large group of people, who suffer daily living in a world that isn't built for them as it is for non-autistic folks.

I feel they need to do more and better. 

Thank you you've given some great advice and gave me some areas to think on. 

As you mentioned, now after going through an extreme situation of suffering in an environment I now no longer work and I've got to know my weaknesses and strengths better and can now choose how long I expose myself to a certain environment.

I love your ending about being the change ourselves! 

The sad truth is that what is done is done... we can't go back and change how society is but I still hold hope one day those in power will put better safeguards in place to make the world more diverse and accepting. 

Hi and welcome to the community. I'm a woman in my sixties and retired now, and I'm very content staying at home and only interacting with my partner, although  did recently meet up with an old friend who is very much on my wavelength in many ways. I tried to live a "normal" life for decades but now I just do what I want. I enjoy reading and playing video games, and since being retired I've also done a few free short courses with OU open learn.

 Technological advances for me have benefits and drawbacks. I miss having certain shops on the high street which shut down due to online competition, and I hate social media for how it affects people and makes them often feel inadequate or bullied. But the internet allows me to have interaction with others I find interesting on this website, it allows me to get groceries delivered without the stress of negotiating supermarkets, and enables me to study online or research stuff I'm interested in.

I agree that some people are ostracized by society for being "different", but others are able to use their unique skill sets to benefit society in an environment where they have similar people around them, such as laboratories and IT companies. Unfortunately we don't all have those skills, but at least here on this forum we can share our trials and successes. We have a thread called "3 good things" to remind us that it's not all doom & gloom! 

 I hope you enjoy being part of the community.

Hi Danielle,

Nice to meet you. I get what you’re saying. Taking myself as an example I think that’s the reason why I get absorbed by my special interests. Isn’t it a way of withdrawal from society when I lock myself so that I feel safe? Isn’t being completely alone minimising socialising to the maximum a way of giving up on this world that feels so alien/disappointing/painful so often? Depending on my state of mind I may do it convinced though but other times I may do it feeling guilty because aren’t we social beings? It seems counterproductive for our psychological wellbeing to spend a lot of time alone… but doesn’t it feel the right thing to do given the circumstances? It’s a deep and fascinating conversation. It’s not black or white. 

Daisy said:

The system has failed me in my adult life so now I have started to slowly become a selective recluse. 

Why would I choose to attempt to fit into this Society again?

Addressing the second point first - why should you try to fit into the society? What is in it for you? Just because everyone else is doing it (the 97+% of people who are not autistic) doesn't mean you need to, so there is an element of choice here.

For the things you cannot avoid - benefits, shopping, healthcare - you can limit these as much as you can and develop ways of coping with them better so they have less of an impact. In essence you can choose your own levels of exposure in many of these.

For the first point, it helps to think if it is societies responsibility to make itself accessible for absolutely everyone. Should it accommodate and welcome every special needs case? How about the physically disabled, the mute, those with violent tendencies, the criminally insane etc? 

When you look at the extremes of the scale you start to realise that society can only be so flexible and there are limits which are not really managable for it, and we tend to fall in one of the difficult edges of this (especially because we all have different needs).

With this in mind it makes a lot more sense for us to take personal responsibility to learn ways to ease the interactions with society to get what we want from it. It needs to be a two way street and unfortunately in these early days of autism awareness the onus will be on us still to adapt to society and help inform it on what we need.

This also gets us out of the victim mentality where we feel we are the oppressed - we can take back some control and in doing so make ourselves stronger.

That would be my take on the subject. Don't expect society to change but be the change yourself.