Relationships

I was wondering if the people with Asperger's who have managed to settle down, have kids, get married, or simply develop close friendships, could please explain how they managed to achieve these things; despite having severe social problems.

At 26 years old, I am none the wiser as to how to develop friendships, let alone forge relationships. I would love to have kids (a dream of mine since I was small), yet the practicalities of the matter scare me. However I have heard many stories of apparently successful relationships, even resulting in kids, where one of the partners has Asperger's, but how is this possible? What qualities and attributes facilitate the relationship?

Please share your experiences of where you met your partner, how the relationship developed, and how I could increase my chances of meeting someone. Are dating sites the only answer? I am involved in many activities, voluntary work, attend meetings, but have no friends.

Parents

Former Member over 11 years ago

Hi All,
I think that Abi has shown what is possible - I'm glad that you found that finding each other online worked for you. Perhaps you could tell some more, for Hope's benefit really, about how you made it work and if there were any pitfalls along the way. I've seen this work for some people but I've also seen things that made me wonder whether it can work for everyone. The internet didn't really exist when I was working all of this out for myself so I don't have any personal experience to share on that.
Azalea's uncertainty about her sexuality is a normal part of development from childhood to adulthood. I had doubts about myself when I was young. It also wasn't helped by being bullied at school - I was taunted with "you're gay" when what people may have meant was "you're different". People will pick on anything strange and in hindsight I was probably different to most kids. It's odd, I never really thought of myself as different but that may have been an aspie's lack of perception on my part! My experience, and I understand this is common, was that I was uncertain and confused but as I have grown older I have settled down very happily to being a husband, a father and unreservedly hetero. I have a number of gay friends, rels and colleagues so I can see that people are happily different but I would suggest that you don't rush things, try and work out what and who you fancy but don't confuse an immature pupil-teacher crush (I had those too!) for the real thing.

Reply

Former Member over 11 years ago

Hi All,
I think that Abi has shown what is possible - I'm glad that you found that finding each other online worked for you. Perhaps you could tell some more, for Hope's benefit really, about how you made it work and if there were any pitfalls along the way. I've seen this work for some people but I've also seen things that made me wonder whether it can work for everyone. The internet didn't really exist when I was working all of this out for myself so I don't have any personal experience to share on that.
Azalea's uncertainty about her sexuality is a normal part of development from childhood to adulthood. I had doubts about myself when I was young. It also wasn't helped by being bullied at school - I was taunted with "you're gay" when what people may have meant was "you're different". People will pick on anything strange and in hindsight I was probably different to most kids. It's odd, I never really thought of myself as different but that may have been an aspie's lack of perception on my part! My experience, and I understand this is common, was that I was uncertain and confused but as I have grown older I have settled down very happily to being a husband, a father and unreservedly hetero. I have a number of gay friends, rels and colleagues so I can see that people are happily different but I would suggest that you don't rush things, try and work out what and who you fancy but don't confuse an immature pupil-teacher crush (I had those too!) for the real thing.

Children

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